Most of these are a homage to Monty Python. Extra "Brownie Points" (No actual value) for those who can guess where these are from. Enjoy. If you don't know who Monty Python is, Google, Yahoo! Netfilx, and Blockbuster can be of help.
And Now for Something Completely Different:
This afternoon, shortly after 4 o'clock, comedy struck this little blog in FanNation. Sudden, violent comedy.
First we take on some old business from previous weeks.
On Campus at Oklahoma State University:
OSU Professor: Well, then, what sort of thing were you looking for?
Coach Gundy: Well, er, really something to make me feel a little less insignificant.
OSU Professor: Oh, I see, sort of "Now look here! You may be a reporter but your bloody pusillanimous behaviour makes me vomit!" That sort of thing?
Coach Gundy: Oh, no, no, no, not really, no.
OSU Professor: Oh, I see, well perhaps something a bit more sort of Clive Jenkins-ish?
OSU Professor: "Ms. Smarmy So-Called Jeni Carlson can call herself a journalist until she's blue in the breasts!"
Coach Gundy: Oh no, I really want something that will make people be attracted to me like a magnet.
OSU Professor: I see, well, you want our "Life and Soul of the Party" tape then, I think.
Coach Gundy: What's that?
OSU Professor: Well it's sort of "'Ello squire, haven't seen you for a bit, haven't seen you for a bit either, Beryl. Two pints of wallop please, love. Still driving the Jensen then? Cheer up Jack it may never happen. What's your poison then?'"
Coach Gundy: Fantastic, yes.
OSU Professor: Right, I'll just see if we've got the tape.
Later after the infamous Press Conference Rant:
Jeni Carlson: Good evening sir and how are we today?
Coach Mike Gundy: Better.
Jeni Carlson: Better?
Coach Mike Gundy: Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.
At the Nova Care Center in Philadelphia, PA:
Coach Ried: Linemen, you gotta give McNabb at least four-dag-gum-seconds to throw the ball.
(Where's the Commish when you need six pack Justice?)
At Lambeau Field, WI
Brett Favre: What's with all the attention?
Rookie Packer: Where I come from, Mr. Favre, we're taught to respect our elders.
Brett Favre: Oh yeah? Well, I'm not that *elder*, alright?
Monday night at Orchard Park, NY: (This one's for you Goodell and Lifer)
Negative football fan: Nobody can beat Dallas with these losers!
Trent Edwards: [walks in] I can.
At Invesco Field, CO
San Diego Chargers: So that's what opening up a can of whoo-pass feels like.
Norv Turner: Team, you just opened up a whole case of whoo-pass.
Your Typical NFL Offensive Playbook for QB's:
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take the Holy Snap. Then shalt thou drop step to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt drop step, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not step, neither step thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Pig Skin of Antioch towards thy receiver, who, being naughty in my sight, shall catch it.
NOBODY expects the Indianapolis Colts! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.
Sean Payton to press:
Our season's not pining, our season's passed on. Our season is no more. It has ceased to be. Our team's season's expired and gone to meet its maker. Our season's a stiff, bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed it to the perch it'd be pushing up the daisies. Our season's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-season!
Chuck Niederman (at the Titans game): VY pitches to White, The Len Dalester bumps into his own man. It's a fumble! FUMBLAYA! Len Dalie "Fumblina" White fumbles the ball!
Oso en Dallas: Hello, and welcome to 'The Middle of the Blog', the moment where I take a break to invite you, the audience, to join me, the blog-writer, in 'Find the Fish'. I'm going to show you an excerpt from another blog and ask you to guess where the fish is, but, if you think you know, don't keep it to yourselves. Yell out so that all the neighborhood can hear you. So, here we are with... 'Find the Fish'.
It's only fair to spoof ourselves since the athletes are always the but.t of our jokes here:
A sample of a typical Idiotic Throwdown in FanNation:
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Challenge Me.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Um, is this the right room for a throwdown?
Idiot FN Throwdowner: I've told you my argument once.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: No you haven't.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Yes I have.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: When?
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Just now.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: No you didn't.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: I did.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Didn't.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Did.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Didn't.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: I'm telling you I did.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: You did not.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Oh I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute throwdown or the full half hour?
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Oh, just the five minutes.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Ah, thank you. Anyway I did.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: You most certainly did not.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Look, let's get this thing quite clear. I most definitely told you.
The New Fanmail Welcome Message for all people who are new members to FN:
You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull person, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most websites these would be considerable drawbacks, in FanNation they are a positive boon.
Idiotic TD continued....100 Comments later:
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Look, this isn't a throwdown.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Yes it is.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: No it isn't, it's just contradiction.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: No it isn't.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: It is.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: It is not.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Look, you contradicted me.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: I did not.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Oh you did.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: No, no, no.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: You did just then.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: Nonsense.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: Oh, this is futile.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: No it isn't.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: I came here for a good throwdown.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: No, you didn't. No, you came here for a throwdown.
Newbie FN Throwdowner: A throwdown isn't just contradiction.
Idiot FN Throwdowner: It can be.
(Did you find the fish yet?)
What we find in our Fanmail just about every day of the week:
- Read my Blog and Vote for my TD
- Read my Blog, Power Rankings and Vote for my TD
- Read my Blog and spam
- Read my Blog, Vote for my TD and spam
- Read my Blog, Vote for my TD, Power Rankings and spam
- Spam, Vote for my TD, Power Rankings and spam
- Spam, Read my Blog, spam, spam, Vote for my TD and spam
- Spam, spam, spam, Read my Blog, and spam
- Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, New TD Tourney, spam, spam, spam and spam
- New FN Group aux crevettes with a Truth and Rumors sauce garnished with Comments paté, Brady vs. Manning TD and with a Read my Blog on top and spam.
- Spam, Power Rankings, spam, spam, spam, Vote for my TD, spam, Top 5 QB's TD and spam.
If you missed my previous blogs in this humorous vein, check them out:
Hope you enjoyed it. More to come later on when I have time and imagination...if you can wait that long. LOL