I know I said I'd post one a week, but the response to the first one wasn't very good. However, I've decided to go for another one. Here's my latest letter: It is from the Carolina Panthers organization to the one, the only, the greatest, Vinny Testaverde.
Dear Mr. Testaverde,
I would like to welcome you to the Carolina Panthers organization. We appreciate the leadership and the experience that you bring into the locker room. However, there are some very prominent issues that I would like to discuss with you pertaining to information that you had sent to us and other information recieved from the New England Patriots organization:
1. We're pleased to inform you that, upon your request, all of the facilities have been made handicap accessible and should accomodate your "walker" quite easily. Also, for the near future, many of the facilities have also been made wheelchair accessible (You can never plan too far ahead).
2. In regards for your request of a warm glass of milk, tapioca pudding, and a Phil Collins casette tape for your room beofre you go to bed (promptly at 7:30 as we have been informed), should also not be a problem. However, we're sad to inform you that you cannot, under any circumstances, begin calling everyone else in the lockeroom "Sunny Boy." We know that this became a trend for you about 7 seasons ago, but it is starting to freak some guys out also.
3. We are sorry that we can not accomodate your request to fire Jim Fox and hire Bill Parcells as head coach. We realize that your relationship has grown strong during the 56 years when you have played under him. However, Jim Fox has also helped us improve our team immensely. We have also talked to Mr. Parcells and he has informed us that he would not like to be part of the organization at all, but sent a message to tell you that "He still regards you as his friend. Very special friend."
Once again, welcome to the organization and we're very happy to see you hear. You can respond to this letter through another letter, or simply through email (we realize that this may be a weird concept to you, the internet and the whole computer thing. If this is the case, simply respond by letter." Again thank you and we expect to see you here in not time!