Another open letter to the Bears (and others) in bullet-point format:
To the Commentators in the Booth
- It's NOT, "All Adrian Peterson," when his line opens a three-yard gash through two levels of the defense. That's either good play by the Vikings O-Line, or bad play by the Bears D, or a little of both. Geez, there are 10 other players out there making it work for the running back. Give the big fat guys some credit, you hack!
Front Office & Coaches
- When the Bears offense shows up, the defense doesn't. When the defense shows up, the offense doesn't. When both show up in the same quarter, the special teams unit blows it. What is this? I feel like I'm watching the Cubs. But it's October, so I know it can't be that...
- I don't like the onside kick call. Not one bit. Maybe you were just trying to fire up your defense... But that's a risky way to fire up your team, man.
- With this loss, your team is now officially in dire straits. (And I don't mean the band.) I'd say one loss away from kissing the playoffs goodbye.
- When fans are asking whether or not the Bears can move the all-pro middle linebacker to safety, there's something really wrong with the defense.
- At some point during the season, the coaches are going to make scheme changes at halftime, right? Just wondering.
- The Bears increase their chances of winning when the running back carries the ball more than thirty times a game. Cedric Benson was actually having a decent game in the first half. What's with the 45 pass attempts?
- You might want to talk to your wide receivers coach. Mushin Muhammed and Bernard Berrian aren't showing up on third down. It would be nice to have wide receivers who consistently perform in those situations.
- I'd tell you that your two-minute drill stinks, but I don't think you have one, so I won't... What the Hell did you do during the off-season anyway?
- Your offense is seeing a lot of third and eight or third and ten situations, maybe you should design some plays for those situations. It's just a thought. Those plays might come in handy during the two-minute drill also.
- It took you twenty-four quarters to figure out that you should run Devin Hester on a fly route? Yep. You're an offensive guru all right.
- Your defense stunk. That was the worst defensive display I've seen in a long time. You need to kick some butts. Start with your own.
- If your defense isn't going to force turnovers, they should limit the yardage gained by the opposing offense. You guys can't NOT cause turnovers and NOT limit the yardage. That's not a very good defensive strategy, Bob.
- Way to go letting Adam Archuleta (the slowest player in the Bears' secondary) play on an island against Troy Williamson (the Vikings fastest receiver). That was real coaching genius at work... By the Vikings' offensive coordinator.
- Your punt return unit looks AWESOME! But...
- When the opponent's kick return unit has the next Gale Sayers on the field, kick away from that player. That kick return in the fourth quarter was the difference in the game. I thought you'd know that with Devin Hester on your team!
- Congrats, you looked halfway decent running the ball in the first half. It's not your fault the coordinator got all pass-happy again.
- You might want to start catching the ball before you try running with it. Three drops made you the goat of the offense again this week.
- Can you please, please, please get open more often on third down? If you do, can you please, please, please catch the ball that's thrown to you? That would be nice. Thank you.
- Out of curiousity, is your retirement plan well-funded?
- You guys looked better this week, but I don't like it when 15+ year veterans kill drives with false start penalties at home. That's just stupid.
- You got posterized throughout the course of the entire game. I hope you enjoy watching highlight clips of your futile attempts at containing Adrian Peterson. You're going to be watching them all season on ESPN.
- Hey, that game December 17th on the turf in the Metrodome is going to be fun, isn't it?
- Congratulations on your first sack of the season. In week 6? Ouch.
- We missed you this Sunday. Hopefully, you'll come back to us soon.
Young Guys in the Secondary:
- You have to perform on the running plays too. Make a darn tackle. Slow him down. Don't let the running back break containment. Dang.
- Congratulations! After further review, you are STILL the most consistent scorer on the Bears thus far this season. Congratulations on tying a Bears team record! You are the most feared weapon in the NFL. Too bad you're in the hands of the Bears offense. It's like giving a five-year-old a .357 magnum.