The Countdown for LeBron!

LeBron James Free Agency

Today officially marks the countdown for LeBron.  That's right, today, marks the start of NBA Free Agency. So, why is today so important? Not since 1996, when Shaquille O'Neal was wined and dined, feted and fussed over, has there been so much interest in one man and his basketball.

 Who will win the LeBron James sweepstakes?

Amid rumor, speculation and innuendo, sports writers, fans, agents, bloggers, pundits and prognosticators, as well as those who wish not to be identified, have all chimed in on what team LeBron will end up with. Even Las Vegas has gotten into the act, setting odds to where LeBron will sign.

Will LJ sign with the Bulls and make Chicagoan's forget about MJ? Will he ???double date' with D-Wade in Miami? Will he accept ???Money Makin' Manhattan's millions in New York? Will Jay-Z and new Russian owner, Mikhail Prokhorov lure him to New Jersey, rather, to the ???Boogie Down Bronx'? Will he sign with the perennial, hapless losing LA Clippers? or stay put in Cleveland? No one knows for sure, and even LeBron may not know, so I sought the advice of a man who knows a thing or two about matchmaking, a man who could help decide the fate of one of the greatest NBA players of all time, the number one trusted dating site, e-Harmony founder and president, Neil Clark Warren.

This phone conversation took place several weeks ago, on my advice to LeBron.

Cleveland Athlete X: "Neil, you have successfully found love for thousands, if not millions of individuals, what's your secret?"

Warren: "It's no secret; we have matched millions with the love of their life. We administer a test, called the 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, which will help identify your soul mate."

Cleveland Athlete X: "But, what if you did meet your soul mate, stayed with them for 7 years, but now, are not happy with them, then what?"

Warren: "People grow and change and sometimes, they grow apart. So, I guess if you want to meet your match, you should take inventory of what your needs and wants are now, versus then, when you originally met your soul mate."

Cleveland Athlete X: "So what are some of the ???Dimensions of Compatibility'?"  

Warren: "Character and Constitution, Emotional Makeup and Skills, Family and Values and Personality."

Cleveland Athlete X: "I am a very famous Midwest athlete that is being courted by several different individuals, but I'm not sure which one I should go with, what's your advice?"

Warren: "This is a difficult question X. If you want to find the love of your life, I would say, go out with all of them; find out who they are, what their dreams, desires and goals are? Are they compatible with you, and then decide.

"I think it's foolish to just jump in with one person and not give the others a chance. Hey, you might like someone after you've gone out with them, when, in fact you originally discounted them."

Cleveland Athlete X: "Discount is not a word I want to hear. I am looking for a max contract and possibly a piece of the team? I am the hottest thing on the market! Everyone wants me! And everyone will pay dearly."

Warren: "Everyone? Pay? Who are you?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "Yeah, everyone! I'm a Superstar; sorry, I cannot reveal my identity at this time"

Warren: "That's going to make your decision a lot harder than if it were just one, or two people coveting you."

Cleveland Athlete X: "I know; what makes one person more compatible than another?"

Warren: "There's no simple answer to your question. There are many compatibility traits, like: motivation, temperament, energy, intellect, material attitude, maturity, philosophy, physical attributes, risk taking and task performance, just to name a few."

Cleveland Athlete X: "Well, maybe I can answer those for you, and you can tell me the right answer?"

Warren: "There is no right or wrong answer. It's not a test, its life, and life is not all true / false, black / white. Life is made of shades of gray."

Cleveland Athlete X: "What about shades of red and black or blue and orange? I am motivated! I want to win now!

Warren: "That's good! Motivation is a good."

 Cleveland Athlete X: "I have good temperament, but I don't like to lose."

Warren: "Good, you're a fighter, which usually translates to winning."

Cleveland Athlete X: "My energy is good, except during the playoffs, when I was drained."

Warren: "Maybe you need to watch your diet better? Or get more rest?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "What I do??? ...There is NO rest."

Warren: "That's a bad sign; burnout may have, or will occur?"

 Cleveland Athlete X: "I think you're right, doc."

Warren: "What about your intelligence?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "I am fairly smart, but I really have good court sense."

Warren: "Are you a lawyer or judge?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "No, it's not that kind of court!"

Warren: "What about material things?

Cleveland Athlete X: "I love material things and money. As a matter of fact, I am building my empire like Martha Stewart and the Olsen twins!"

Warren: "Huh? Empire like Martha and the Olsen...?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "Yeah, I am starting a clothing line, furniture line, house wares line, cologne, video games, sports equipment, jewelry and  energy drinks and bars."

Warren: "Wow, that's ambitious!"    

Cleveland Athlete X Kay: "You really don't know who I am, do you?"  

Warren: "I haven't a clue. What about your maturity?"

Cleveland Athlete X Kay: "I'm still a bit young, but I'm told I look older than I am."

Warren: "Who do you look like, Methuselah?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "No that's Greg Oden!"

Warren: "Athlete X: "What are you looking for?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "Well, to be honest with you Dr. Neil, I am being courted by NBA franchises not women or individuals; I am a free agent and can sign with any team I wish."

Warren: "Well, that changes everything!"

Cleveland Athlete X: "Everything?"

Warren: "Teams and sports are dramatically different than individuals. When you're looking at teams, you have to look at different factors. Look at the supporting cast, who's the coach, marketability / sponsorship deals, the team, the town and temperature, just to name a few."

Cleveland Athlete X: "Dr. Neil, I am even more confused. The teams pursuing me all have those attributes. What do I do? Who do I choose?"

Warren: "You're LeBron James, aren't you?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "It's me! You finally figured it out?"

Warren: "I 'm not much of a sports fan, but I do read the papers."

Cleveland Athlete X: "So, doc, who should I choose?"

Warren: "LeBron, I cannot make that decision for you, you have to make it for yourself. But, hold on a second, there is someone on the other line (telephone), its Cleveland Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert. He wants to speak to you." 

Cleveland Athlete X: "Tell him, I'm busy. I don't want to talk to him right now!"

Warren: "He said, can he just play you a song?"

Cleveland Athlete X: "A song? He wants to play me a song?"

Warren: "Yeah, here he is."

Gilbert: "LeBron, I know we have talked at length about you staying in Cleveland, I want you to stay, the team wants you to stay and the fans want you to stay.... I know you're looking into other teams, but I just want you to listen to this song, it's called Opportunities by the Pet Shop Boys.

Cleveland Athlete X: "Opportunities, by the, who boys?"

Gilbert: "The Pet Shop Boys; will you listen?"

I've got the brains, you've got the ability
Let's make lots of money
We've want LeBron, I've got the brains
Let's make lots of

I've had enough of scheming and messing around with other free agents

My plane is parked outside, I'm afraid it doesn't work
I'm looking for a partner, someone who gets us to the Finals
Ask yourself this question: Do you want to be rich?

I've got the brains, you've got the ability

Let's make lots of money
We want LeBron, I've got the brains
Let's make lots of money

You can tell I'm educated, I studied at MSU
Doctorate in mortgages, I could have been a don
I can build a casino, choose the perfect location
If you've got the inclination, I have got the dime

Oh, there's a lot of opportunities
If you know when to take them, you know?
There's a lot of opportunities
If there aren't, you can make them
Make or break them

I've got the brains, you've got the ability

Let's make lots of money
Let's make lots of (Oooooooh)Money

(Aaaah ah ah ah ah aaaah)
(Aaaah ah ah ah ah aaaah - Di du da di da bu di ba)
(Money)

You can see I'm single-minded, I know what I could be
How'd you feel about it, come and take a walk with me?
I'm looking for a partner, regardless of expense
Think about it seriously, you know, it makes sense

Let's (Got the brains)
Make (Got the ability)
Let's make lots of money (Oohh money)
(Let's) keep you LeBron
(Make) I've got the brain
Let's make lots of money (Oohh money)
I've got the brains (Got the brains)
We need to keep LeBron(Got the looks)
Let's make lots of money (Oohh money)
Money!!!!

COPYRIGHT 2010 STEVE KAY