Jason Taylor-zilla rises from Sea, Wreaks Havoc on Brits | redskinskillcowboys's Blog

Let me start off by saying that cryonic freezing works like a charm.

On Saturday, the 20th, at 9 AM, I was taking a tour of The Cryonics Institute in Clinton Township, Michigan, when I fell into a tube. I think it was a tube. Needless to say, much like the idiot in Futurama, I got frozen. Cryonically frozen.

For 48 hours.

I awoke dazed, and confused, thinking it was sometime in the distant future. My first thought upon noticing my 21st century attire was wondering if the Chinese Overlords still allowed Jewish men to wear "Vote Romney or Else!" t-shirts.

The Cryonics Institute was deserted; probably from years of neglect and overgrowth. I was lucky that power had somehow kept flowing to the tube/cylindrical freezy thingy I stayed in for however many years I was locked inside it (48 hours, or 0.0054794520% of a single year). I found out later that the Institute was empty because it was, at the very moment that I left the lab, the bottom of the 5th with bases loaded and two men out plus a full count in the final game of the World Series of The Clinton Township Science & Engineering Industry Kickball League. I never found out who won.

I did find out that the Red Sox had won the ALCS, however. If I knew a damn thing about baseball, I'd be saying, "I told you so," right now.

But I don't. I did get absurdly lucky, though. When everyone threw them Sox under the bus, I did come out and say that they would rally from 3-1 to go on and win the whole d*mn thing.

So, I guess I'm pulling for the Sox. I hate to do it. I'd love to see the Rockies pull off the incredible upset victory. But if whatever Hispanic gentlemen who play in Sox uniforms these days pull this thing out, then the prediction becomes legendary. So you all heard it here first: I said when they were down 3-1 they'd win the whole thing.

In other news, the Redskins are going to the Sacrificial Altar this Sunday, in order to be ritualistically killed for the amusement of Beli-chik, the dark lord of the New English people. Honestly, I love the Redskins, and I believe in the whole "Any Given Sunday" philosophy of the NFL, and I do think the Skins pass D is solid, but I gotta pick the Pats. I'm not rooting for them. But if I was taking a line in Vegas, I'd take the Pats. You'd be nuts not to.

Sad news from (Old)England, as a giant robotic Jason Taylor has gone berserk in London and destroyed several city blocks; the robot has started several fires, due to it's inexplicable ability to shoot lasers from its eyes. Why the builders of the Jason Taylor Robot made it a weapon of mass destruction is beyond this writer, though JT himself has said on more than one occasion that a hit by Jason Taylor is a lot like getting "pasted upside your head by a SCUD missile, man." The irony is that if Mr. Taylor knew how inaccurate, unreliable, and outdated SCUD missiles are, he would not compare his play to them.

This originally appeared on www.spedrex.com; as always, check out www.spedrex.com for more insights and opinions!