Tour Guy Road Notes

So this weekend was The World's Largest Outdoor Non-Alcoholic Beverage Party. Luckily, every fan abided by the sentiment of school administrators and had a nice day of Cran-Apple and Hi-C before the game. Oh wait, no, never mind. I was back in the south this weekend to go to my first Florida-Georgia game, and honestly, this game has been circled on the calendar for quite some time. From everything I had heard, this game had to be in stone as a key tailgate to hit, and I wasn't at all disappointed (despite my chosen airline's best attempts to spoil my weekend). Let's get to it, sports fans:

I'm not sure how well the shirt reads on video, but in person, it did just fine (when it was dry out). I didn't even have to ask for this. Go Blue and Orange.

The girl to my left kept asking to interview me and if I knew anyone at E! Television. You can judge for yourself how good this footage came out by seeing how much made the final cut. Am I one to end conversations and cut my time short with Georgia girls? No I am not, sir, no I am not.

Your standard converted maintenence cart complete with inflatable doll and guy with a box inexplicably on his head. I couldn't even begin to fathom what was going on here, so of course I snapped a shot before the cart got away.

And for those keeping track at home, a look from another angle.

This week I experimented with a thumbs-up as my go-to pose. I really do dislike posing for pictures, but I want all the proof I can get for when I'm old and nobody believes that I once spent months on end going to football tailgates and posing horribly with good looking southern girls. 

This is a checklist for Georgia fans counting people they spot with

1. Jean Shorts

2. Mullets

3. Flip Flops with Socks

4. ERS (Extremely Retarded ****)

Ah, to be young and with Sharpie.  

I lost track of Casey the camera guy for two seconds while giving people cards of where they can find the episode. When I turned around, he was taunting tailgaters after scoring an XBox touchdown. He's clearly overreacting.

I'm a fan of any tailgate that accepts members in bright red pants. Huzzah! 

This is called a low country boil. It consists of potatoes, sausage, corn, and shrimp. It's a great tailgating idea if you don't want to be hungry for roughly nine days thereafter. I still feel like I'm walking slower than usual. 

Cran-Apple Pong.

Cornhole action shot. You may have read that caption before under an entirely different type of picture. Perv.

Fresh oysters about to be grilled by some Gator fans. I've never really been a big oyster guy, but they made me try them. I've gotta say, mine wasn't so bad, although I still am not a fan of starting my day with your common mollusk. 

You may be asking yourself why I had to block out anything next to a stuffed alligator. You should now ask yourself why anyone would put a realistic-looking stuffed johnson next to a stuffed alligator. These are the questions that could very well define a generation.  


These two biplane-looking planes showed up to circle the tailgate for a little while. I never really felt threated, though, as I was pretty sure 85% of the people around me were packing. You never know. 

Elvis had an uncomfortable amount of chest hair that was way too close to me. Understandable, I cut this interview short.

A bulldog dressed in a Gator jersey. Nothing but a slap in the face. An adorable, bouncy slap in the face.

So yes, there's my brief log of the Cocktail Party tailgate. It really is ridiculously overwhelmingly and a must-stop for any college football fan looking to hit the traditional game day locations. I'm throwing my considerable influence into recommending you go. 

*Also, thank you to an unnamed airline (which happens to prominently use the letter A twice in their logo) for losing my bag twice in less than 48 hours. Truly a treat. Blech.



The College Football Tour Guide (last season's episodes)

SI College Football channel on Veoh

SI Video on YouTube

Windows Media Player 9 (for Mac)

Flip4Mac (for Mac)


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