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Well, I've been waiting now for a week or two for some crazy evangelical to proclaim the recent fires in California to be the work of "the Hand of God." I expected, and still do, that we would (will) hear something along these lines:

"But yea, listen unto me, o'faithful! I saw in a vision last tuesday, when I was sitting on the toilet extolling God's great wastes into his porcelain majesty...He told me that California was a godless den of iniquity...he told me, he said, 'Reverand Jim Bob Earl, you will bear witness to my hand as I cleanse this haven of homosexuals, of non-believers, and liberals who dare to try to clean up my Earth, when they know my will is for humans to destroy it!' This state, with it's evil governor who seeks to subvert our great, god-fearing government for his own selfish aims...will burn in the cleansing fires of Heaven! We tolerate those among us who sodomize, and allow sodomites to exist in peace! We tolerate the sins of Hollywood, where they dare to tell us that the Earth wasn't created by our great Space Daddy some six thousand years ago! Well, God has spoken! Fires like this, of this magnitude, don't occur naturally. It is the hand of God! And for those of you who may think that such jewish-propagted nonsense like global warming could have a hand in this, I say, global warming, unlike God, is just a theory, and cannot be proven! Can I get an amen?"

Now, I hate the environment as much as the next close-minded, ig'nant god-squadder, but I did some research, and some crazy preacher did say some crazy garbage like the above statement.

Reverand John Crowder (pictured above with his annoyingly blond family and his absurd, amish wannabe beard) claims that, "About six weeks ago on Sept. 8, while ministering in Stockton, California, I prophesied publicly about the coming of these fires, which we feel are a prophetic sign of revival that is coming to burn in the state. This will be a wildfire revival that is not tamed, controlled or orchestrated by anyone other than God Himself. Along with this wildfire prophecy, the Lord showed me revival fires such as those that have burned in Latin America will be spreading through California. I saw a clear connection with the Hispanic community, and revival spreading between Baja, Mexico, the border region and California, where the natural fire is now located. Here is an excerpt from the prophecy: "Wildfire state of California, burn, burn burn! ... Get ready wildfire state. I want you to hear me clearly: I'm not saying this as a ‘judgment prophet' - I'm not saying this in that regard, OK? But you watch and see the wildfires coming. It's going to be a sign of something in the Spirit. We pray protection over properties. We pray the protection of God. But watch and see. This is a sign that God is blazing through, and He's clearing and leveling ground for the coming of His Kingdom in California. We say fire of Heaven burn. Fire of Heaven come. We need the flame of God. We need the consuming wildfire of Heaven. Come in Jesus name!"

Now, this jerk is trying to stay away from the "Angry god sweeping away the sinners and their trash" line, but he's actually trying to claim that he a) knew the fires would come before they did, and b) wished for them to come. Doesn't that mean that, as someone who had prior knowledge of this disaster, he failed to warn all the people who lost their homes in this fire? Wow, some man of god you are, John Crowder.

This originally appeared on www.spedrex.com.  Check it out for more news, insights and opinions from SpedRex!