FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Alright people, if you need any more proof that we (humans), are nothing more than meatbags who are slaves to our nifty gadgets, the apocalypse is here: it's called Slingbox Mobile (pictured above), and if I do not accomplish anything else in my life, I will see to it that no one in my immediate family ever purchases one of these abominations.

According to a New York Times article, "The Slingbox's purpose in life is to transmit whatever is on your TV to your laptop or smartphone (like a Treo or Windows Mobile phone) across the Internet. The point, of course, is to allow people who travel - to another room, another city or another continent - to view all the channels and recordings that they're already paying so much money for at home."

Doesn't anybody else have a problem with this? For starters, since when was walking to another room in my house classified as "travel." Secondly, the point of me leaving my house is to (presumably) go somewhere and not watch my TV. The only time I go out of the house with the express intention of watching another TV is when I go to a sports bar, or go watch a game at a friends house. But now, when I'm in, say, Switzerland, and I get bored by the sublime majesty of the Alps, well, hey, I wonder what the idiots on Grey's Anatomy are up to? The hot geysers of Iceland are just water spouts, but Battlestar Galactica is showing a two-parter this week! I gotta watch it now!

We don't need something that beams our favorite shows over the internet to our phones. If anything, this just makes it easier than it already is (and with GPS, Internet capabilities, etc., it's damn easy) for Big Brother to find out where you are. Personally, I don't want some government bureaucrat knowing that my favorite TV shows are Farscape, The View, and Rough Sex: The HBO Special. My cellphone exists not to show me television; it exists so I can make phone calls. The article goes on to say: "It comes in handy when you want to watch TV upstairs, but your fancy high-definition TiVo is downstairs. It's also great when you're in a hotel room, bristling at paying $13 for a movie when your video recorder back home is a veritable Blockbuster. And Slingboxes are also a blessing when you are overseas and longing for the news, or the sports broadcasts, of your hometown."

Here's a tip for those of you who want to watch TV upstairs, but "your fancy high-definition TiVo is downstairs." Haul your lazy **** out of bed and lay down on the couch downstairs. Unless you're as fat as a house or as old as Joan Rivers, the effort it takes to go up and down the stairs won't kill you. And for those of you who are "in a hotel room, bristling at paying $13 for a movie," here's a tip: go to sleep, or order a hooker. Knowing you, you'll probably get the same amount of satisfaction out of either option. And if you're overseas, and you really want to know what's going on at home, try *gasp* calling up somebody you know and asking them.

DEATH TO THE SLINGBOX!

This originally appeared on www.spedrex.com.  Check out the site for more news, insights, and opinions from SpedRex!