I am a Woman and I love SportsCenter

Howdy, fellow FanGeeks!

I was soooo looking forward to Week 9 of the NFL season. There was the "Duel in the Dome", of course, but more importantly to me, the Cowboys/Eagles were playing on Sunday night, and the Steelers/Ravens were playing on Monday night. It was shaping up to be a weekend chock full of awesome football.

So what the hell happened?!?

Well, first, I was called away to deal with a family emergency late Saturday afternoon. Nothing life-changing, but I was out-of-town and knew I would be unable to get back until late afternoon Sunday. That meant that I would miss the early games, which was a shame, but not that big of a deal to me. It also meant that I'd miss at least the first half of the afternoon game--specifically the Pats-Colts game--and that had me a little anxious. Well, I figured I could just Tivo the game, watch it before the Boys-Eagles game, and things would be good.

Except that I left my house in such a hurry that I forgot to set the DVR.

I realized this Sunday morning, as I was waking up with a vicious headache with only 4 hours of sleep. So, I thought over my options. My first option: I could deal with missing the first half of the game. Life would go on, after all.

That option was completely unacceptable.

My second option: call home and walk my mother through setting the DVR.

What was my first option again?

Let me give you a little background. My mother moved in to my house about three years ago because she is completely unemployable in today's job market. She quit her job because she didn't like the boss, and it took her 18 months to find a new one. Of course, 18 months with no savings and no income tends to have undesirable effects, like losing one's house. But I digress. She has ZERO technological skills. I'm not exaggerating, even a little. Trying to get her up-to-speed for job interviews, I tried to teach her some simple computer skills. You know, like opening a word document.

Anyway...now you understand why I was a little reluctant to call and ask her to set the DVR. I called anyway.

"Ma, can you do me a favor?"

"I don't know. What?"

Listen...my mother is a character unbeknownst to most. She's doesn't like me. But that is a story for another time.

"I forgot to set the DVR to record one of my football games."

"You know I don't know how to do that."

"I'll walk you through it."

Five minutes of bickering ensued. I'll spare you those details.

"Okay Ma, on the remote, press the button that says 'Guide'."



"Where is that?"

Sigh. "It's on the lower half of the remote."

"Okay. Now what?"

"Hit 002, and then..."

"Oh, for Pete's sake, I know how to enter a channel number Kari Ann! Do you think I'm an idiot?"

I resisted the urge to answer her question.

"Okay, now you have to forward to 3:15."

"I thought you said it was channel 2."

"It is channel 2. The game starts at 3:15 this afternoon."

"Oh, cripes. How do I get there?"

"Use the right arrow key."

"What's that?"

I am not kidding you. This is the actual conversation I had with my mother. I'll spare you the rest, but I will tell you that the conversation took another 15 minutes.

Anyway, I got home Sunday afternoon around 4:30. I checked the DVR, and by some miracle, my mother had set it correctly. So now I had a choice--tune into the game live, or watch the recording?

I chose to watch the recording.

Now, I was really enjoying the game. The Colts were winning (my regular readers know how much I dislike the Pats), and I was able to fast-forward through those annoying commercials, so the action was really moving. During the fourth quarter, at the 10 minute mark, I was literally doing the Running Man in my living room, singing "Ding, ****, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead. Ding, **** the wicked witch is dead!"

I really dislike the Pats.

Well, I should have known better. Two minutes later, my DVR did it's little "Bling, bling, bling" noise when the recording is over, and the message "Would you like to delete this recording?" was tattooed across Tom Brady.

I almost had a stroke. A quick look at the clock, and I knew. I knew that the only way I was going to see the last 8 minutes of this game was through replays.

Okay, calm down, I told myself. The Pats were down by 10, and the Colts had the ball. What were the chances that the Pats came back to score twice?

Well, apparently the karmic fates needed a good laugh yesterday, because I am sure that you know that is exactly what happened.

Okay, I learned my lesson. I'm not doing any taunting or celebrating tonight during the Steelers-Ravens game.

At least until the clock runs out.


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