The inspiration for this article came to me last night. It's not another CBB
article (sorry Ass, you're welcome everyone else); it's something more.
What follows contains sentimental thoughts, touchy feelings and above
average rambling levels. This was all written as I thought of it, with
me not going back to change anything other than this paragraph. Reading
it again, my tenses are weird and it's not the best. Oh well. Read on at your own leisure.
I'm lying in bed, unable to sleep, reflecting on the day that had passed and life in general. As most of you know, yesterday was Mother's Day. I had just spent the day eating lunch at TGI Friday's, driving an hour both ways to see the incredibly average Thor (even the previews were average!) and enjoying some ice cream from the place down the street from my house (well technically on the road my street is off of, but that's just semantics). While this would have made for an enjoyable day regardless of circumstance, today felt extra enjoyable, extra special to me. Because it was the first of many more Mother's Days that I look forward and hope to enjoy, days I will no longer take for granted.
Sometimes, the true meaning of things is difficult to fathom. 2 years ago, I was living life as normal as I knew. I had seen my father walk out on my family, and had moved on. One year later, I was hoping more than anything that my mom would be okay.
As many of you know, about a year and a half ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I struggle to remember the exact day, but quite frankly I don't remember much. The days are blurred together, a mixture of grief, sadness, and a general numbness to the world. I thought my mom had proven her strength when she had soldiered through a less than stellar relationship without missing a beat. I was horrified to learn she would have to fight through more hardship: the cruel and unforgiving reality of cancer.
My mom managed to beat cancer, never once losing her spirit and strength through the ordeal. She had every right to be bitter and angry, but instead chose to stay strong. She did it for ms and my brother, and it meant the world to us. It still does. She would not let breast cancer, the removal of thyroids or even a growth in her uterus discourage her. She stayed strong, she took it all in stride and she passed every test flung her way. Today, she still hasn't looked back.
Since then I've done a lot of reflecting on my life. I've looked back on it, and I haven't liked everything I've seen. To be honest, I took my mom for granted. My mother gave up her career to be a stay at home mom and raise her two sons, because she wanted to be the one taking care of us, not some daycare or babysitter. Even when my parents were together, my dad was hardly around. It was my mom who was always there for me, helping me with schoolwork, fixing my boo boos or just having a good time with us. She didn't give in after the affairs or the divorce, she kept on raising us to be good men. For as long as I can remember, she's been my hero. And yet, I never really appreciated her as much as I should.
I watched my mom revive news nobody ever should. I watched her fight an illness that too many do, suffer a treatment that is almost too painful to bear, and still stay strong. To this day, her right arm aches from time to time and she has chemically induced hot flashes that seem unbearable many times a day (and will for over two more years). And yet, she is as stubborn as she was before. As positive and as kind, as loving and as caring. She's still my hero.
I never truly appreciated all she has done for me. All my life, I've taken her for granted, as the certainty in my life who could do or fix anything. All of that has changed. I love every day I get to wake up and know my mom is there for me. This mothers day is the first one where my mom's health seems certain, and it is a special one for me.
As I lay here, typing out my thoughts on this frustrating iPod touch keyboard, I'm not really thinking of this article. I'm thinking about my mother; how much she means to me, and how much I love her. I refuse to let another day pass where I take her for granted, one where I don't relish the fact that she is still here with me on this planet. This Mother's Day marks the beginning of many days (not just this holiday) I plan on letting my mom know how much she means to me. Because, when you think about it, there isn't a whole lot in life that means more than family. I've discovered - comprehended really - that out in a way I hope nobody else has to.
Happy Mother's Day everyone. May it be just one of many special days for you and your family.