Simon is my black manx and a neat cat he is. I admire his entrepreneurial spirit but he often forgets important details necessary to take his ideas past the developmental stage.
Consider his plan to stage White-Water Rafting trips for other cats. I reminded him that cats hate open water. "They could learn to like it". I shook my head. He ditched the idea.
Simon's talents lie elsewhere.
Simon faithfully answers to his name and if I pat my lap he'll jump up on one side of me or the other. One night while watching Inside The NFL, Simon started switching from one side of me to the other each time the graphic showing the upcoming game and the panels picks were shown. At first I didn't think much of until I realized that Simon had switched to the eventual winners side in all four cases.
A Legend was born.
Simon won't pick all the games, just the ones that he likes. Over time he began sharing his opinions with me and I thought that I would share them with you.
RAIDERS at PACKERS
Simon gets wistful about Bret Favre. "He's he only Packer quarterback I've ever known".
"A real dog-fight for the Packers", he assures. "The Raiders may look like a schnauzer but if you've ever had to fight them, they're tough." We both see a potential let-down after the tough loss to the Cowboys.
Simon asked some good questions. "What are the Packers playing for now that they have little chance to be first seed in the NFC?". "The Raiders are a better defensive team than people think". "Am I the only cat in the world that can properly pronounce Kah-BEER BAH-jah BEE-ah-MEE-lah's name?"
"If Bret can't play then they'll be snapping the ball through the backfield and have lots of fumbles."
I assured Simon that somebody would be there to take the snap from center.
"Will he at least LOOK like Bret", Simon fretted.
"No, not possible", I answer honestly, "not even if he has the same face."
Simon Says: RAIDERS 23-PACKERS 17
GIANTS at EAGLES
Simon used to have a recurring nightmare where Donavan McNabb was chasing him all over a football field and he was so quick that he could catch him.
"Donavan doesn't scare me anymore", Simon said in a matter of fact meow.
"Besides, his footwork is off and he's rushing his passes. He's not adjusting to his age and accumulated injuries very well", Simon explained.
"Are the Eagles better off playing McNabb or A.J. Feeley"? I asked.
"The Eagles would be better off with ME playing QB rather than Feeley"
We discussed the Giants woes and second half collapses but Simon is more optimistic abut their chances than I am.
"Eli is cute. I'd like to nest in his head over a nice Thanksgiving dinner at the Manning's house and talk a little football with Archie and that other guy."
"That other guy? You DO mean Peyton?", I said.
"No", Simon laughed, "Eli's monkey. I see enough of Peyton in commercials."
Simon Says: Giants 31 - Eagles 23
CARDINALS at SEAHAWKS
"An intriguing game.", says Simon. "The Seahawks are surviving more close calls than James Bond."
"What will the score be.", I asked.
"I'm not picking this game.", Simon attended to his nails.
"I hate Hasselbeck.", Simon explained, "If you licked his head all day and night you'd still never get a decent fur ball."
Simon Says: No pick
I explained to Simon that I would be sharing his opinions by writing about him and felt that he should pick the Steelers - Patriots game because it has a lot of fan interest.
"I'd rather do the Vikings and 49ers", Simon said rolling his eyes.
"Why that game."
Simon chuckled (ever see a cat chuckle?), "Every prognosticator likes to pick a sure thing."
STEELERS - PATRIOTS
"The Pats defense is a lot like Oreo", Simon said pointing towards Oreo, one of my other cats who is 14 years old.
"How so Simon?", I asked
"He's old and cranky with a bad attitude and he'll attack anything whether he could win or not, but mainly it's because you're better off if he's not around."
I encouraged Simon to expand on his thought.
"The Patriot offense IS their defense!", Simon explained with enthusiasm. "Their defensive performance corresponds directly to their offensive achievement. Thus the impressive margins of victory are reduced from both sides when they fail to control the ball and score points. It's a reflexive co-efficient where the margin of victory is reduced nearly twice as much as the points that the Patriots fail to score."
Simon quickly jotted a set of exotic looking mathematical formulae on the refrigerator door with a Sharpie that held no meaning to me. The final result looked like this:
"So who do you like in the game, wiseass."
"First of all, you don't tell someone that you're going to beat them, you just do it. When I was a kitten and had to put Oreo in his place, I said nothing, I would just turn around and butt-ram him into a pile of goo, remember?", I did indeed remember - who could forget.
"First, I won't like Belichick until he gives me one of his old hoodies so that I can curl up in it, but he is a very good coach and you can only expect that you won't get what you expect from him. Still following me there genius?"
I nodded although I dislike when Simon gets smug.
"Every time you expose a hole in a Belichick team he figures out how to close that hole. If the opposition doesn't find a new hole then the Patriots score more points, give up less and have a larger margin of victory."
Simon seemed very pleased with himself. I am always pleased with Simon because it's very hard to get any cat interested in football, let alone one that has the ability to present a cogent argument on the game.
Simon Says: Patriots 41 - Steelers 23