Do you know the story about Herman the Worm? Most parents of pre-schoolers or kindergarteners know the song. The song has action motions and when you have 25 kindergarteners all standing on a stage singing it, its pretty darn comical. It starts with your hands on your knees.
I was sitting on my fencepost (slap your knees three times - slap slap slap)
Chewing my Bubblegum (chomp chomp chomp - make loud chomping noise)
Playing with my yo-yo (pretend yo-yo movement and say WEEE-YUUU WEEE_YUUU)
When along came Herman the worm - he was THIS big (hold thumb and forefinger about 4 inches apart)
And I said Hey Herman! WHAAAAAT Happened?
"I ate my breakfast"
You ate your breakfast? Tee Hee Hee Hee (all the children giggle)
So the very NEXT day
I was sitting on my fencepost (slap slap slap)
And the song continues with each measurement of Herman getting bigger as he eats lunch, dinner and dessert. Kids arms are now widely stretched.
The song ends when Herman comes back and is less than 2 inches and is asked
Hey Herman, WHAAAAAT Happened?
It's actually really funny. I bet if you try and YouTube Herman the worm, you will probably find some kids kindergarten or 1st grade class doing this at some school function. Anyway, you're sitting there saying, thanks for the trip to elementary school, where are you headed with this? Well, since we live on the beach, Megan and I like to surf fish. Sure its fun to fish off the boat but I cant be out on the boat every day. I have work to do. But I can see Meg on the beach with her fishing rod surf fishing. It's a pretty decent rig and she has caught a blue once and a couple of smaller bait fish. When the blues and stripers are running, they'll swim within yards of the shore. Every so often, she bellows from the beach. and I have to go out and rebait her hook for her with a minnow or a worm. Sometimes a crab will get the bait, sometimes it just gets eaten but the hook doesn't set. You're still looking to find out where I'm going right?
Anyway, the other day driving to my sister's house to watch the Patriots play, we played a rhyming game in the car. I would say a word and she had to give me a word to rhyme with it. (Her teacher insists we parents assist in the education of the children. What are we paying them for? Just kidding. A noble profession indeed is teaching any age child anything)
So, I'm really not in the mood to play this. Rt 495 can be a real pain in the neck. I said ok, give me a word that rhymes with "plate". I look in the rear view and her little face is frowned in concentration. She says "late". "Good!" I say, now "Fate". Again, I see her frowning in concentration. Finally she says "give me a hint on one". So I thought about how her 5 yr old mind thinks and how she loves to fish. I said, "What do you put on the hook to catch fish?" Looking back at her, I see her face light up as she yells "HERMAN".
I almost ran the jeep right off the road and into the median, as I couldn't see the road for the tears from laughing so hard.
She's saying "what mom? What's so funny?"
I couldn't explain it to her. We finally reached our exit thank goodness.
So Megan and I will be making our picks of the week with the help of Animal House. Surely you have seen this movie. If you don't understand or remember the quotes, rent the movie and watch it again because apparently you're working too hard and need a break.
Remember Megan picks straight up, I pick against the spread. Last week we were both 11-5. I told her since we tied, there's no pony this week. She said and I quote "I thought you said a tie goes to the house". I did say that and it's my house so tie goes to me. We are in the midst of our first snow so we will pick em and then I will explain some of them but not all, she wants to get outside in the snow.
Bluto: Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.
Denver @ Houston (-1.5) Exactly. In fact, grab 2. Both teams are so damn unpredictable, that I'm not sure I could watch the game without a brew or two. I'm sure Denver and Houston fans are thinking the same thing. I'm sure you know who Megan is taking. I'm going against Meg and taking Houston - only because it's at home and Denver had a big week last week. We can't expect too much from them now can we?
Dean Vernon Wormer: The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.
Detroit @ San Diego (-10) - The Lions have to prove themselves this week after their melt down against Dallas last week. They have to put their foot down and make a statement for anyone to take them seriously next season. Meg is taking the Chargers. I'm taking the Lions with the points but it wouldn't surprise me if they win straight up.
Meaner dude: If I was in your shoes, I'd be.. Boon: Leaving! What a good idea.
Indianapolis @ Oakland (10.5) - Oakland will be getting run out of their own stadium. Sad really. I miss the old Raiders. The rock em sock em smash em up Raiders. Sadly, all that moving around California has finally caught up with them. They lose by 14.
Hoover: They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!
New York Jets @ New England Patriots (-142) ok kidding its really (-24.5) The game we in Patriot Nation have been waiting for. At last time I checked, Walmart.com had sold out of all toy video cameras and Barbie and Brats camcorders. Bionicle cams were still available but by internet order only. Look for roughly 30,000 fans to be wearing or carrying some sort of video recording device. I'm watching the game just to see the 5 seconds after its over. Think they will hug? Mangini. Wear your nicest shoes and don't forget to smile for the camera. We both take the Patriots. With snow? 1774-2 - With no bad weather? 1776-2 (only fitting right?)
Bluto: Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the effing Peace Corps.
Baltimore @ Miami (+3) That's what the Miami team is saying because they have been just plain college like this year. I have a hard time understanding why they are favored by 3 points but I'm not falling for it, no sirreeee. You're not suckering me into THAT again. Meg wants the Dolphins. Nope. Not me. No Sir-ee. I'm taking the Ravens. They're the NFL bullies and they need to beat up on someone to redeem themselves. This is the only chance they have left.
D-Day: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Philadelphia @ Dallas (-11) - Yep, that's what TO is saying. I expect him to put up some serious numbers against the flightless birds. He's just gonna torch their defense. Look for impressive numbers from Romo, including some picks. He's due for a couple. Megan is sticking with the Boys from Dallas and I will too.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I hate those guys.
Washington @ New York Giants (-4) - Yep. Same old same old. These guys love to hate each other. 4 points though? That's a bit tight. Eli has to so something or he won't be able to go home for Christmas. His dad will disown him. Peyton's not even returning his calls. Meg and I are both taking the Giants. We'll give the points on this. Eli wants to go home for Christmas.
Boon: I gotta work on my game.
Otter: No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh (-3.5) - So says Anthony Harris. Yes Anthony, you really do need to work on your game. Do yourself a favor; check your back every time someone touches it. just to make sure noone has taped a bulls-eye to it. Meg is taking Jacksonville. I would too if the Steelers hadn't been torched by the Patriots last week. They need redemption and they need it going into the playoffs.
OK, the rest of the card is as follows:
Cincinnati @ SF (10) - After the mess in the media this week with the 49ers. I think there are serious problems in that locker room. Someone needs to go out there and just slap them. I think the Bengal's will do just that. Meg sadly just will not let go of the whole Four Nine thing. She thinks its funny that they're the only ones with numbers. If only they could put some on the scoreboard. I'm taking the Bengal's and I'll give the points.
Arizona @ N.O. (-3.5) - A game I care nothing about so we go back to eeney meeney miney moe, catch a cardinal by the toe, if he hollers let him go, out goes Y-O-U. I take New Orleans (please don't burn me again, its just starting to heal). Meg sticks with the birds.
Atlanta @ T.B. (-13). Poor Falcons. Grounded twice. Once for Vick, once for Petrino. I think they win just to say shove it to Petrino. I'll take the Falcons and the points. Meg still likes Tampa Bay.
Buffalo @ Cleveland (-5.5) Is this game really on? For real? You're not kidding right? OK, hey, Buffalo has grown tremendously since week 1 but Cleveland has grown more and it's a New England division rival and I'll say it again, Romeo and Bill are tight. Romeo will win this one easily. Meg likes the guys that look like horses. She sticks with them and constantly proves me wrong. I don't like that flaw in her.
Green Bay @ St. Louis (10) Another of those, you gotta be kidding me games. Although 10 points is a lot. I have a tendency not to give double digit points. In this case, I think I will. Green Bay wants the win and St Louis hasn't wanted one all year. The goats totally messed me up last week so I'm looking for vengeance. Meg wants Green Bay because she has a G in her name. Funny, why didn't you take MIAMI last week smarty pants?
Seattle @ Carolina (8) - Oh please. Make it stop. Snowball is killing my card every single week just about. I kept picking them but now they have gotten too comfortable with that and they are becoming lazy, shiftless, feet on my coffee table, crumbs on my couch slackoffs. I'm done with them. I'll have a Seattle please. Not Meg. She wants Snowball. What does she know, she's 5.
Tennessee @ K.C. (4) - Its technically a game I care nothing about but what the hey, I have to pick one. I'm going to take KC only because they had the proverbial can'o'whoop opened on them last week and its in KC. Titans still have some growing to do. Next year, I won't be so quick to dismiss the Titans. We both take the Chiefs.
Chicago @ Minnesota (-10) - Big rivalry here. The Vikings have been playing hot and cold this season but I like them to win. I know the Bears are good but they aren't this good. Megan wants the Bears again. She'll learn as she gets older. But if she asks me to buy her that Manning shirt one more time, she's moving out.
So there are our picks.
Let Meg and I know what you think and what your picks are this week!