A while ago, I was helping my bro find a job...let me just say, any job that requires 6 months of Chainsaw experience is a great job. But what I want to know is what qualifies as experience? I mean if I've been dismembering bodies off and on for the last 3 years does that count? If I've seen the Evil Dead movies over 800 times, does that count? I've used an electric hedge trimmer quite a bit, it's sort of like a chainsaw, does that count? I just want to put that on my resume...
Is it wrong that when I see someone run a red light, I root for them to be hit? Last night on my way home from work, I stopped at a light, and in the lane next to me, after the light was red for like 10 seconds, this guy goes flying into the intersection. I so wanted him to be hit...sorry, I just think that would be justice served.
If you ever have a friend that answers "Aqua man" to the following question, "What super hero's power would you most want", just disown him as a friend or hope to god he's joking. For that matter, if they pick any DC character, just punch them. I'm sorry, when you stop and think about it, there isn't a worse collection of characters this side of Hanna-Barbera as the collection of DC super heroes. Yes, this is a totally dorky thing to state, but it's true.
On the subject of superheroes, my wife decided that the superhero power she would want is to be comfortable where ever she was. After I stopped laughing, she extended the power to "And anyone within 30 feet of me is completely comfortable as well". Think about it...if a super villain is about to blow up the world, and then Comfy Woman shows up, and he feels all comfy, and relaxed...I think she might be onto something. I can tell you this much, it would be great to have around the house.
Onto the predictions...
Buffalo at Detroit
So is Dick Jauron making a tour of his former teams? This one has to go better than the last doesn't it? How close do you think Rod Maranelli is to killing Matt Millen for the HORRENDOUS team he built? Don't you just see him walking around the halls muttering to himself, "Take another WR you moron"?
This is an ugly game...the coaching edge goes to the Lions by a lot...but they are hindered by the whole Matt Millen is frickin' retarded thing. The Bills definitely win the talent edge...but Jauron scares me.
Talent wins in the NFL, I'm going with the Bills, but let's just say, I feel dirty about this one.
Carolina at Baltimore
This has the potential to be a big game...depending on which Carolina team shows up. Do we get the "NFC Preseason favorite" or the "Spanked by the Falcons" Panthers?
On the other side of the field, you know that Billick is breathing super easy these days. I mean, if they don't come out kicking****like this, he's baggin' groceries.
If the Panthers D decides to play like it did last year, McNair is going to have a really bad day. All those floaters he's throwing will end up in the wrong hands. But I don't think that's going to happen, the Ravens are going to make some big plays on D, and pound the ball into these guys.
NY Giants at Atlanta
I have a feeling this one could be ugly. Giants D has looked pretty awful out there...and the Falcons pose some interesting problems on Offense. Wouldn't the Falcons be a great team in Super Tecmo bowl? It would just be run, run, run ,run, run...and I have a feeling that Vick would have amazing zigzag abilities in that game...
The Giants O is pretty powerful as well, but Atlanta has at least some semblance of a D...I'll take Vick and company.
Houston at Dallas
Ah, the Texas Bowl, or the battle for Texas, or whatever you want to call this. If I had told you before the season that this game would feature the top rated passer, you would of laughed so hard that you crap yourself. But David frickin' Carr is the league's top rated passer...and Bledsoe is still a train wreck, that finds a way to throw a pick just when his team can't afford one.
But really, here's the deal with this game...Dallas is the better team, and they're at home. That should equal victory for Dallas. And I haven't seen the spark from Houston yet that says they're ready to take a game like this.
(Note: I talked about a game that involved Dallas without mentioning a certain WR)
(And yes, I hate Terry Glenn too.)
Tennessee at Washington
Do you smell that? It's the Vince Young era starting in the NFL. I'm undecided on how I think the VY era is going to turn out, but I'm excited about the possibilities. Worst case, we have Vick 2: The Taller version. Best case, we have the most dangerous offensive weapon of the decade. What makes me think that he'll surpass Vick, is that he has the field general mentality already...the "this is my team, get on my shoulders, let's go" is already there in his first start. Vick still hasn't really learned that.
On the other hand, you have the Redskins...do you think that Daniel Snyder has a private competition with Matt Millen to see who can destroy their roster first? Millen is doing it through the draft, Snyder refuses to draft. Seriously, he gives away picks like crazy to sign over-priced vets...good plan Daniel, good plan.
This is going to be my flyer pick, I'm going with the Titans. I just think this is going to be the game that VY does something amazing.
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
We have a team that can't stop the run (Cincy) vs a team that wants to run cause of a rookie QB (Tampa)...
We have a team that is having trouble with pass protection (Cincy) vs. a team that likes to get after the QB (Tampa)...
Plus, Tampa is at home. So...
I'm going with the Bengals. It's obvious, isn't it? No, I suppose it's not...
The Bengals just got humiliated by the Pats before their bye...they've had a full 2 weeks to iron out the kinks, and also to get worked up. I have a feeling they come out, and just smoke the Bucs.
Philadelphia at New Orleans
Ah, the American Saints at home...the Eagles coming off the emotional win over TO and the ‘Boys...
This is a scary game. The Saints seem to have found some magic...not sure if it's Sean Payton, Katrina, Bush, Brees, or some combination of it all...but it's pretty cool to watch.
Meanwhile, the Eagles are playing like football is fun again. Last year everything was a pain. All the media attention, and nitpicking about everything...it's all gone. No pressure, no TO, just McNabb and Reid letting it all hangout in the air.
I think Philly is energized by getting the TO game out of the way, and walks in with a little swagger this week. Much as the I want to pick the Saints, this is Philly's game.
Seattle at St. Louis
No MVP. No Engram. The O-line is still shaky. And the last time out, the Bears handed it to you. What's the move Seattle?
Meanwhile, the Rams are playing good tough football. Stephen Jackson has a coach that likes to play power football. Bulger is as accurate as ever, Bruce doesn't seem to age, and Holt is still producing even though Martz is gone. And the game is in St. Louis.
But here's the thing, Seattle is coming off the bye. Holmgren is super tough coming out of a bye...he knows the issues the Hawks have. Chris Spencer is settling in at LG, vacated by Steve Hutchinson. Walter Jones has had an extra week for his ankle to get better. I expect the line to look at lot better. Meanwhile, with Alexander out, Holmgren has spent the time working in lots of 4 WR sets, getting Branch fully integrated with the O.
Seattle will score on their opening drive. The game will be close, but the Hawks win.
Miami at NY Jets
How's the AFC East title coming Miami? How's that comeback player of the year award coming Daunte? You can improve the skill positions all you want, although I'm not a big Daunte fan, but if you can't block, you can't win in the NFL.
Meanwhile, the Jets worked to improve their O-line this off season. Used their 1st 2 picks on O-lineman...and look at that, they're the surprise team of the AFC East. It helps that Pennington is a medical miracle...but that's what a good O-line does, makes everyone looks better.
Miami's misery continues, J-E-T-S...
Kansas City at Pittsburgh
So how's that Larry Johnson #1 Fantasy RB going? When you're looking to draft a back that high, or any back you draft, you gotta look at the O-line for the team. And KC's O-line...not good. Willie Roaf retires. Scheme changes. Kyle "Ow, my back" Turley is sort of playing...and some how, there are no holes.
This is a simple game to pick. The Steelers need this game. It's at home, their fans know they need this one. KC is coming off wins over 2 bad teams, and is coached by Herm "The Jets are good after I left?" Edwards. This is Steelers all the way.
San Diego at San Francisco
Okay, let me make this simple for you...
KC scored 41 on Sanfran.
The Raiders, the RAIDERS, scored 20.
Marty ball, or no Marty ball, San Diego puts up at least 30 in this game, and Alex Smith will be seeing a LOT of Shawn Merriman.
Oakland at Denver
The Broncos just beat the Ravens, and they're at home. Shanahan always loves beating the crap out of the Raiders, as any of us would love to stick it to an old boss that screwed you over. Balance that with...
This is going to look like a Madden game set on Rookie. Every RB on Denver might have 100 yards. The starters will be out after the half.
Chicago at Arizona
So have I mentioned that if you don't block you can't win in the NFL? You want real proof? Folks, I give you the Arizona Cardinals. Skill players that every team would love to have. An O-line that couldn't block my grandmother...and she's dead.
Meanwhile, you have the Bears D that has absolutely shredded every O-line they've played. Tommie Harris is really coming into his own this year, don't worry Mr Leinart, you'll get to meet him up close and personal. I also have a feeling that this is the game that Thomas Jones really kicks it up a notch. If you have him on your fantasy team, start him, this is going to be his week.
Da Bears 832 Cardinals 5.
And that my friends, is week 6 in the NFL.