Here we are, 6 weeks into the season....things are starting to shake out, the contenders are separating from the pretenders...but there is still time. There are still 11 more weeks...dramatic turn arounds can happen. But as we all know, by now, there are signs of demise...you just need to read them.
I'm here to help point out some of these signs...
If your star WR is busy predicting wins, and signaling first downs while his team is getting it's ass handed to it, and he's being out played by an arena league castoff...you're in for a long season.
If it's been 8 months, and you're still bitchin' and moaning about how the Super bowl was "stolen" from you, and about how everyone is against you...get over it. Every loss is a hard one, the really bad loses are the ones that you don't recover from, so go beat a hooker to death to relieve the stress, and get busy cheering your team on.
If your starting QB mentions Jesus more often than the gameplan or his teammates as reasons for a victory or a loss...the team is in major trouble. God does not sit on high, look down at 6 billion people, and say, "Hey, Warner is out there, that's right, he's been praying hard, I'll make sure he wins." At least I hope God doesn't do that...I would like to have a higher opinion of him.
If your star WR has attempted suicide, bitched out his position coach, sought out every possible source of attention, except for playing well...man, it's going to be a long season.
If your starting QB is named Joey...just shoot yourself...save yourself all the pain.
If the front office is still trying to justify the pick of an unknown DE over the most exciting offensive player to come out of college in the last decade...sorry, it's not just going to be a long season, but a long decade as well. The only hope for rest...both players blow out their knees and retire. In any other scenario, the chatter will continue forever.
If you look forward to Bye weeks not to get rest for a key vet, work on some issues, or get a new player worked into the lineup...but because it's a week you know you can't lose...start drinking now, and don't stop till you can totally believe that a 49ers-Texans Super Bowl is a real possibility.
If you can't stop the run...and by can't stop the run I mean Bam Morris could get 100 yards on you right now...but some how your offense has managed to keep you undefeated...um, the season will be long cause you'll just be starring into another early playoff loss...and another off season of questions...with no real answers...
If your O-line resembles day old roadkill...everyone has run over it, you have no idea what it once was, but it's bloated and covered in flies...and your coach decides to berate them publically...instead of I don't know taking the blame since he's done nothing to address the line the last 3 off seasons...well, I hear basketball season is starting soon.
If the name Henry Burris is anywhere on your roster...or for that matter Dan McGwire, Rick Mirer, Todd Marinovich...you don't even want these guys cheering your team from the sidelines.
And finally, if you have to write your entire post while on the crapper cause it's the only time you can get to yourself...man, it's going to be a loooonnnngggg season.