FanNation - The Republic of Sport

     Tony Romo, this is Karma. (As soon as your head clears, you'll see the big fellow standing with a fist raised over you.)

     Tony, we'd have thought you would have learned your lesson last year when you had Carrie Underwood front and center in your Texas Stadium box (or wherever the celebrities who require camera time are stashed) for the Eagles game on Christmas Day. Well, Santa Claus, Brian Dawkins, Lito Sheppard, etc. left a big fat lump of coal for you on the star at midfield. As for what happened in the playoffs at Seattle...you learned Carrie's a frontrunner. She didn't bother waiting for you to cheat.

     Sunday, the Eagles came back to town. Hope you took them seriously; you saw how they nearly pulled upset of the year at Foxoboro last month.

     Instead, we saw: Jessica Simpson. Look, I know she's considered a major babe in the flyover states and by the whole Maxim/Stuff/FHM crowd, but Tony, you gotta step up and be a man here. If you can quarterback Dallas to a 12-1 record before Sunday's flamejob, you know you can do it.

     I knew you were in trouble when I saw her wearing the dreaded pink jersey (well, pink numbers, anyway). Up in my neck of the woods, we know all about that phenomenon. If Acme Christian Girl Turned Bad were a Red Sox fan, she'd be one of those dreaded Pink Hats (the girls you see at or around Red Sox games who wear pink hats and can sometimes look cute doing it at certain angles and lighting, but don't know a damned thing about baseball - they're in it because it's the trendy thing).

     It's sad. As someone put it yesterday on a message board a frequent, the Cowboys have gone from the Big Tuna to Miss Chicken of the Sea in record time.

     You're in a bad pattern here, Tony. What's next? Taylor Swift? Let her turn drinking age at least. Miranda Lambert? Don't wanna think about how she'd react to your losing a big game. If you're determined to stick with country sirens, let Gretchen Wilson fix your wagon.

     Tony, you need to do two things:

     * Lay off the cornpone divas for awhile. Try some rock chicks (but you're on your own, for any I would suggest are married or a good deal older than you. Take a chance on an up-and-comer who's not on the radar of the tabloids or TMZ).

     * Have a chat with Tom Brady. Maybe you'll catch him at a Super Bowl event. If there's a guy who can teach you how to maneuver your way around the ladies...

     Tom could write the book on how a pro athlete manages these situations (and even your worst nightmare). Has an athlete ever dealt more gracefully with the hand Tom was dealt last February, having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy after moving on to the next woman? No lawsuits. No criminal charges. He could probably still run for a U.S. Senate seat after football if he wants to.

      As far as taking ladies to the game: Gisele Bundchen is arguably a bigger name worldwide than the former Mrs. Nick Lachey. She was in the house at San Diego's Qualcomm Stadium last January for the Pats-Chargers playoff thriller. Instead of angling for any TV camera she could find, though, she hung out in Bob Kraft's suite (and had to endure Dane Cook's alleged jokes for three-plus hours).

      Point is: for a woman who earns her living in front of a camera, Gisele didn't feel it necessary to be a camera ho on her guy's big day. Maybe she does have an ego, but sometimes, refusing to take off your shades for less than ten large is a good thing. If she's been to any Pats games this year, she's done so stealthily. If I was a football superstar, that's the kind of attitude I would want from my amourata, not someone offering her legs and teeth to any electronic device flashing a red light.

      Tribute must also be paid to Bridget Moynihan, too. In three years with Tom, she didn't go angling for cameras on Sundays or Monday nights. Tom's baby mama realized it wasn't always all about her, and even though they're no longer a couple, he probably still appreciates that. Young John Edward Thomas will be fine, even if he didn't inherit his parents' genetic jackpot.

       Listen to him, Tony. And learn. Once you've listened to Tom, you may gently remind him to keep his raincoat on - you'll have earned the right to dish some good-natured ribbing.

       Enough of this Dr. Phil garbage. On to the picks (10-6 last week, 192-100 overall).

       STEELERS 27, RAMS 20: That was your wake-up call from Jacksonville Sunday, Men of Steel. Because I'm a versatile guy and not totally Patriot-centric, I'll be live-blogging this one Thursday night on SI.com.

       COWBOYS 24, PANTHERS 10: Trust your running game a little more, Wade Phillips.

       PATRIOTS 38, DOLPHINS 13: Congratulations, Miami, on avoiding the kind of history we hate. The Pats will pack you up for the mediocrity short bus home. Tune in to SI.com for my bloviating on this one, too.

       GIANTS 17, BILLS 16: Jints, if you don't want to sweat out a playoff clincher against New England, it would behoove you to win this.

       SAINTS 27, EAGLES 21: That madcap late New Orleans playoff charge continues.

       PACKERS 24, BEARS 16: Green Bay gets a whiff of a possible Dallas rematch on the frozen tundra.

       LIONS 20, CHIEFS 13: What, picking a team that's lost six straight and just had 51 hung on them? Oh yeah. Detroit's playing Kansas City.

       COLTS 22, TEXANS 14: Tough one to call. With the AFC 2 seed locked up, Indy gives us some serious Jim Sorgi action.

       BROWNS 34, BENGALS 27: Pats fans would love to see Cleveland roll it up. Chad Johnson's drop in San Francisco probably killed New England's hopes of drafting Darren McFadden.

       JAGUARS 27, RAIDERS 9: Somebody give Jack DelRio one of those when-to-go-for-two charts - the lack of one nearly cost him in Pittsburgh.

       CARDINALS 42, FALCONS 13: Can't blame Atlanta for phoning it in at this point.

       BUCCANEERS 30, 49ers 14: Clinch party by the Bay! Whoooooooo!

       TITANS 36, JETS 6: Great effort by the Jets at Foxboro, but I suspect they left it all there.

       SEAHAWKS 29, RAVENS 15: Has a team felt lower this year than Baltimore does right now?

       VIKINGS 28, REDSKINS 14: Whaddya know, Tavorris Jackson can throw!

       CHARGERS 37, BRONCOS 20: Too much talent in San Diego for the Bolts to play as poorly as they did earlier this season. They're a threat again.

       And on to the first wave of bowls:

       POINSETTIA BOWL: NAVY 41, UTAH 32: Just try stopping that old-school triple option.

       NEW ORLEANS BOWL: FLORIDA ATLANTIC 30, MEMPHIS 28: You'll recognize one person in this game: FA head coach Howard Schnellenberger. He's a builder, and I give the nod to his bowl virgins.

       PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL: CINCINNATI 37, SOUTHERN MISS 17: Love the Bearcats, but not so much Papa John's. The pizza's not bad, but I really, really miss the Little Caesar's that most of Rhode Island's PJ franchises had been previously.

      NEW MEXICO BOWL: NEVADA 24, NEW MEXICO 20:  I get a kick out of the concept of Chris Ault's pistol offense (basically, a shotgun that Nevada usually runs out of). And the Wolfpack came the closest of any WAC team to taking Hawaii, which needed a field goal in the final seconds to escape Reno unscathed.

      LAS VEGAS BOWL: BYU 34, UCLA 27: Couldn't this game have gotten at least one fresh team?

      HAWAII BOWL: BOISE STATE 42, EAST CAROLINA 24: Plenty of empty seats with no home team this year, but Boise knows how to entertain a TV audience.