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(Disclaimer: The following stories are NOT REAL.  If I have made fun of your team, or a person that you like, I'm sorry but they were just an easy target)

Atlanta Falcons Reach Deal with Kenny Mayne

After failed attempts with NFL analysts Bill Cowher and Bill Parcells the Atlanta Falcons made one more call to ESPN.  This time to Kenny Mayne.

While Mayne has no NFL experience. Atlanta is still very excited to have him join the team.  They have claimed to have an eye on him since his quick outing in the TV show "Dancing with the Stars", Falcons players and staff admired the way that he did not quit in the middle of the night to join rival TV show "So you think you can dance."

"The whole thing really worked out well", Falcons owner Author Blank told reporters. "We actually called to see if Mike Ditka was around, but Kenny answered.  After talking to him for a bit he seemed to have the winning personality that we are looking for here in Atlanta."

The Falcons have not yet released what position the Mayne will fill in Atlanta, but there is some speculation that he will take over as the teams next head coach. This coming after DeAngelo Hall gave him his approval, which is VERY important in becoming the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons.


Billy Donovan flips once again, Decides he wants to coach in Orlando after all.

Billy Donovan rocked the NBA world for all of about a week this past summer.  He agreed to become the newest head coach in Orlando, and in a move that would later inspire such greats as Bobby Petrino, Billy bolted back to Florida and the NCAA game. Billy has led the Gators to a great start, but all he ever hears about in Florida is the great play of the Orlando Magic.

"Yeah, we are doing well, but all anyone wants to talk about is that team in Orlando.  I mean I was their first choice so I figure I should be able to just walk right in and be the coach."- Billy Donovan said in a news conference last week.

This move has not come as much of a shock to current Magic Stan Coach Van Gundy.  Van Gundy had a similar move made on him while coaching in Miami, when Pat Riley came out of retirement to take credit for a Heat team that Van Gundy coached.

Van Gundy made this statement prior to his departure from the Magic team, "You always have to expect these things. I can't say that I'm not disappointed, but I think this team will do great things with Billy."

As for Van Gundy, he is expected to accept an offer with the New York Knicks later this week. This move was made by the Knicks after a surprising recommendation by Isaiah Thomas, who figures to return to the team after Van Gundy gets them out of the cellar.


Oden to sit out 08-09 season

In a very risky move the Portland Trailblazers announced yesterday that they will keep Greg Oden off of the roster for the 08-09 basketball season.  This move was made only minutes after the team won their 9th straight game.

Blazers coach Nate McMillan made the announcement after the game. "This team has done a great job stepping up in Greg Oden's absence, and I have always felt that you shouldn't mess with a good thing. If this team wants to have any shot at winning next year we will have to continue on this road.  That is a road where Oden watches games from the bench."

Oden could not be directly reached to comment on this topic, but his agent told us that he was willing to do whatever is best for the team. That is as long as they keep him on the payroll.


Bud Selig admits to HGH use

After an eventful week in baseball the madness got even worse as MLB's current commissioner admitted to HGH use.

Suspicion began to rise as people were reviewing the Mitchell report. While looking over the report people found that a few pages had been removed.  The report went from page 115 directly to page 119.  After attempts to recover the missing pages they eventually were found in the commissioner's office. He had removed the pages prior to the release of the report in an effort to save face.

Selig claimed to have only used HGH once in college, and because he had suffered from the flu and was told that the HGH would help him to get better. He also said that he punishment towards himself would be swift and that he would show no bias in the situation.

In a related story Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Shilling is now saying that all rule changes under Selig should be reversed.


Bobby Petrino to be next coach of West Virginia

Petrino made another move to improve his career this week.  He left, once again in the middle of the night, to take the coaching job at West Virginia.

The administration at Arkansas claimed that they had no idea that Petrino was planning on leaving. Arkansas' players and staff are shocked to hear this news.  Well, actually people claimed that they aren't exactly shocked, but it still caught them off guard.

Arkansas' Athletic Director Frank Broyles said that Petrino was expected to attend Razorback practice Tuesday and never showed.  Broyles went on to say, "We actually did not know where he was, then I got a hunch and we headed to my office and turned on ESPN.  Sure enough there was Bobby in a blue and yellow suit singing the WVU fight song.  I guess we should have seen this coming, but nothing can prepare you for a situation like this."

Coach Petrino was very excited to take over as the head coach of the Mountaineers. In his press conference he stated that he enjoyed his time at Arkansas, but that he felt that he had run his course at Arkansas and it was time to move on.  He also added that since WVU was actually in a BCS bowl this season that it seemed like an opportunity that he could not pass up.


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