Welcome to the Christmas Edition of Megan's picks for week 16. As I so eloquently stated in a recent blog, what the hell happened in the NFL last week? Seriously. I'm asking a straight up serious question. What the hell happened? If they paid money for most games lost on the "for amusement only" football cards, I'd be a rich woman right now and probably be in Tahiti soaking up some sun, one of those fancy umbrella drinks in my hand and my only worry would be if the maid restocked the mini bar and left one of those fancy mints on my pillow for tonite. If Megan falls asleep early, I could probably have hers too.
This morning I went to Megan's school to see the holiday show. The school has several kindergarten classes. Megans class was the 3rd to take the stage. They were all dressed as penguins and they sang and danced to The Penguin Polka. You have to give the teachers credit. How they could work with these kids day in and day out for 3 weeks on this without having a breakdown or laughing themselves to death is a gift. Having thought this as we were leaving, I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and got each of her teachers a gift card to Dunkin Donuts. They probably need the coffee more than I do in the morning.
In honor of the holiday season, we will be picking our picks with help from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. A Holiday classic loved by all. Thankfully, it's only played once a year, unless, like me you own the DVD and then you get to watch it all year long. Lucky me.
I pick according to the spread while Megan picks straight up. Last week I was dismal. I stopped counting after 6 losses. Megan went 12-4. Brat.
Hermie : Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nit-wit. You can't fire me, I quit. Seems I don't fit in.
Pittsburg at St Louis +8.5 - I'm sure this is what Anthony Smith was singing as he drove home after finding out he was benched after being burned yet again last week. This would have been a better week to make his guarantee. After last weeks collapse, the Steelers can feel some hot breath on their necks and are going to give themselves a major headache if they have to keep turning around to see what's coming up behind them and moving fast. Megan and I are both taking the Steelers (she doesn't like goats),
Clarice: Uh-huh. Rudolph? I think you're cute. Rudolph: I'm cute! I'm CUTE! - She thinks I'm CUUUUUUTTTTEEE !
Dallas at Carolina +13 - Yes Tony, she thinks you're cute. We all think you're just darn adorable. However, half of Texas is ready to lynch you and the other half are ready to lynch both you and Jessica. Do your fans a favor Tony Romeo, leave the eye candy at home and go and play some football. Just out of curiousity, was she at the Lions game too? Carolina is another team I have just lost all hope of understanding this year. Megan wants the Cowboys since Cowboys ride horses. I think Dallas wins but you know, last week, I didn't take Carolina after taking them most of the season (how can you not when their always getting these points?), so I'm taking the points.
Yukon Cornelius: We'll have to outwit the fiend with our superior intelligence.
Cleveland at Cincy +3 - Now we're talking ! This might be the best game on this weekend. This is a tough call. On the one hand, you have Cleveland's will to win and get to the playoffs. Seriously, who among any of us thought they would be this good this year? Other than a Browns fan I mean? Cincy on the other hand, while 5-9 is a very decent 5-9 the way I see it. Chad Johnson is averaging what? 14 or 15 yards per reception? Whew. Smokin ! They are 5th in passing yards? Yep. I can't wait to see this game. I'm taking the Browns though. Megan wants the "bangles".
Head Elf: You'll never fit in. Now you come to elf practice, learn how to wiggle your ears and chuckle warmly and go hee-hee and ho-ho and important stuff like that.
Green Bay at Chicago +9 - Not one single QB has fit in there this year. Chicago needs a QB. (Hey McNabb? You listening?) If they don't want you in Philly, they sure as hell want you in Chicago. Megan insists that the G is for her since she has a G in her name and our last name starts with a G. I'm with her on this. I'll even take her reasoning because this is a laugher. I don't see any way the Bears pull this one out of their helmets. Give them the points. They need it.
Donner: No. This is man's work. (Heading out to search for Rudolph)
Houston at Indy -9 - I was going to use the Island of Misfit toys and the Charlie in the Box but I'm saving that one for a "special" game. Truth be told, for Manning, this isn't man's work, this is child's play. We all know who Megan is picking and I'm with her on that. Colts win this easily.
Donner: There are more important things than comfort: self respect!
KC at Detroit -4.5 - You may want to add common sense to that list Kitna. If you're going to make a prediction, make one that makes sense. Such as, I will NOT throw for a million yards this season. Now, had you said that, we may all be saying right now how you must be psychic. But you didn't. Luckily for you, KC is pretty darn horrible so, here's your Christmas present. Megan on the other hand greatly dislikes your logo so she is taking the Chiefs. I'll stick with you one last time Jon.
Rudolph: Goodbye, Hermey. Whatever a dentist is, I hope someday you will be the greatest.
NY Jets at Tenn -10 Goodbye Mangini ! Whatever an assistant coach is, I hope someday you will be the greatest! You lose this game Eric and I have a feeling there may be a little extra something in your paycheck after week 17. I think they do lose and am taking the Titans. Megan takes the Titans too.
.Yukon Cornelius: How do you like that? Even among misfits you're misfits.
Miami at New England -21.5 Ahh, and now we get to the real crux of the matter. Don't worry lil Dolphins. Parcells is coming to save the day. Of course we thank you for Wes. Here, take this candy cane. That's all we have for you. Any Dolphin who would like to "guarantee Shula another win, say it now before the game. Saying it later makes us think you were fibbing about it. I am taking the Patriots. So is Megan. She doesn't have a choice, I don't care how much she liked Seaworld. I'm the parent. I decide what she can have or not have. That's IT ! No more backtalk.
Rudolph: Well, sir, we're misfits too, and we'd like to live here.
Baltimore at Seattle (OFF) - I just can't imagine what it felt like to be a Ravens player last weekend and be the one team in the league to lose to the Dolphins this season. I just can't imagine. The Ravens fans are in enough pain. I'll leave it alone for now. Meg and I are both taking the Seahawks in this one. I think the Ravens defeat last week is just going to deflate their already over inflated ego's and abilities.
King Moonraiser: Come closer. What do you wish?
Oakland at Jacksonville -14 - I wish a win for the Jaguars. They deserve it Not one single Jag was voted to the pro bowl. Now, we all know it's a popularity contest. But still, to be shunned like that? Where were all the Jags fans when voting was going on? Garrard? Jones-Drew? Northcutt? Sad. Pitiful that not a one of them were voted in. However, 14 points is a lot. They could clinch a playoff spot with a win. I think the Jags win but I'm taking Oakland and the points. Meg is taking the cats.
Clarice: He'll be a hero after this!
Philadelphia at New Orleans -3 - You Philly fans need to make up your minds. You either like McNabb or you hate him. But don't be hypocrites and demand he be gone from the team and then after he kicks your arch rivals butt, you call him a hero. McNabb needs to go someplace he's appreciated. Unfortunately, this might be a "let down week" after their big win last week. But I'm sticking with them, as is Megan.
Mrs. Donner: We'll simply have to overlook it.
Atlanta at Arizona -12 - Yep. I'm simply going to overlook this game because it's not even real football. Can Atlanta beat Arizona on Xbox? Nope. Not even then. I'll take Arizona and give the points. Hopefully, Blank has been sending flowers and gifts to Marty in the hopes he can get him to coach the Falcons next year. Atlanta is in such turmoil. I almost feel bad for them. Almost. There is a bright side, y'all still got the Bulldogs! Go Dogs !
Yukon Cornelius: Whoa. Whoa. Unmush, will ya?
Tampa Bay at San Fran +7.5 - Stop the ride, the 49ers want to get off. Remember when they were good? Well, maybe next year. Megan is sticking with her Four Nine guys. I'll take Tampa Bay and give up the points.
Yukon Cornelius: Bumbles sink !
NY Giants at Buffalo +3 They bumble and STINK but close enough. Eli has nowhere to go for Christmas. Maybe I should have used a Misfit Toy quote for this game? Is there a "just shoot me now" quote from the movie? Eli, change your last name. It might help.Meg and I are both taking the Bills .
Comet the Coach : Rudolph! You get back here! It's your turn, you know!
Washington at Minnesota - 6.5 - I actually like this game. Im looking forward to it. The Vikes dashed alot of hopes last week and they may just do it again this week. Im looking for a 3 point game though so Im taking the Redskins and the points. Meg sticks with the Purple Team
Narrator: Sam the Snowman: Like I said, the outside world is up to its ears in danger.
Denver at San Diego -10 - You can say that again Mr. Narrator. Narrator: Sam the Snowman: Like I said, the outside world is up to its ears in danger.
OK, I didn't mean LITERALLY. If this is the best they could schedule for a MNF game, I'm stuck watching Drake and Josh. Is there a bigger disappointment for San Diego after the year they has last year? Well, they arent as bad as the Bronco's though, so Im taking the Chargers. Meg is taking the horses.
Well folks that's the picks for this week. Get out there, get your shopping done and enjoy the games !