Who Am I Kidding? What Offseason?

When Rangers fans learned of the $21.3 million that owner Tom Hicks would receive following Alex Rodriguez opting out of his already-exorbitant contract with the Yankees, I'm sure we all hoped he would put the money to some good use and get us some much-needed free-agent help.

Then I remembered this is Tom Hicks we're talking about, who has long given up any pretension that his team in Arlington is being run solely for profit despite good attendance and the wherewithal to support a large payroll. Let's put it this way. The Rangers trying to plug the holes in their team is like trying to hold back Katrina with a Daisy cup.

While it was good that Torii Hunter didn't come here, there has been little movement on impact names. I did like the minor trades for Chris Shelton and Ben Broussard, but only because it cost nothing (Freddy Guzman and Tug Hulett) and has a chance to pay off, provided that one of them shows some power in his bat. After all, that's what first basemen are for now.

Kazuo Fukomori is a giant Japanese question mark, albeit with a small contract. One thing's for sure. He can't possibly****(-up-the-bullpen-any-)mori than it was last year. Thank God for C.J. Wilson.

Milton Bradley is a rent-a-player who will do his Kenny Lofton thing sometime in July and bring back a prospect or two while Dunkin' Donut Daniels insists that the children (meaning the farm system) are the future.

The Josh Hamilton trade intrigues me. At first I didn't like it one bit, giving up Edinson Volquez for a guy who only played 90 games last season. But then I realized that all we were doing was trading one question mark for another, though I suspect the Reds will somehow tap Volquez's potential, something Texas hasn't been able to do with anyone for quite some time.

Eddie Guardado? See the bit on Fukomori. If healthy, he will stabilize the bullpen.

Of course, Texas can turn things around by signing one of the free agent pitchers still out there, such as Bartolo Colon or Freddy Garcia. If we can get Colon, that's 16 wins guaranteed. Do it, Daniels.

BUD WISER? 

Now that George Mitchell has dropped the hammer on some of the steroid and HGH junkies in MLB, and now that those same junkies are hiding behind their letter of the law Pharisee lawyers, how does all this affect Bud Selig? A lot of fans and blogs are calling for his ouster, but unfortunately the only way that can happen is if the owners do it, and they're making too much money to rock the boat.

Once again, fellow fans, it looks like if we want to make our voice heard, we must stop giving our money to MLB in order for something earth-shattering to happen. Either that or pray Bud somehow winds up naked at a drive-thru window.

MAYWEATHER TO TEST MMA?

I had to laugh when I saw that Floyd Mayweather Jr. had talked with Mark Cuban about joining the world of MMA. The only consolation I got out of it was that it would probably mean his first loss in fighting.

Floyd doesn't understand that MMA and UFC is basically about how to beat someone into submission. There's no sweet science to it at all. Those who compete in it are brutes, not athletes, and deserve to be on display at the local zoo. But I can't say I'm surprised that our society's bloodlust would make such a sport like those popular. What's next, gloves tipped with broken glass?