Seriously, when I was in labor and delivery, I knew the name of my child. Boy or Girl! We had the names !
It was all planned out. For MONTHS ! We (my ex and I) fought for months about possible nicknames, what kids would "demean" the name to, and OK, we picked safe, family names. We fought whether to name our youngest "Elizabeth". I was OK with it until he wanted to nickname her "Liz" - I wanted to call her "Beth". All I kept seeing in my head was kids in 4th grade doing the "Lizzie Borden" rhyme. It made sense to me at the time and dammit, I was the one pregnant !
OK. It's Christmas Eve. I have nothing better to do right now than have a cocktail, wait it out for everyone to fall asleep, and then spend 2 hours wrapping presents. Now, in MY house, Santa doesn't wrap. Santa has way too much to do and there is no way the elves can wrap gifts for every GOOD girl and boy, so I'm pretty much saved from a 4 hour journey to hell, to a 2 hour journey to semi hell..
Watching games this week and hearing the "butchering" of names by people paid to know them, made me think. ( OK, yes, sometimes I do) . What exactly do I think are the 10 most "I wish I could change my name" in sports? When exactly do you say to your parents, "Why?"
So, in no particular order are the Best of the Best. If you have another, please send it to me for the weeks before the Easter Bunny is scheduled.
Jack Del Rio - Is it just me or is this a place somewhere on the coast of Mexico?
Assol Slivets - If any woman deserves allocades, Its Assol. I can't even expound. It has to be hard enough without my help. I almost went with S.l.ututskya <eh? Sp?) but it's a last name, she didn't have a say in it (not that any of them did) and this one was too good to pass up.
D..ick Trickle - NASCAR. Does any sport rival NASCAR in naming their offspring? Must be the gene pool. No offense.
D..ick Butkus -Oh My Gosh. Need I say more ? HOF guy, but his name has inspired more jokes than .. ok.. anyone ??
Cam Cameron - What the ? What parent does THIS?
Dom Capers - Is this a topping on a pizza in Rhode Island? Does anyone understand what Im saying here? Federal Hill? Mafia? Oh - faggetabout it.
Bum Phillips - OK. This is toooooo easy.
De'Cody F.a.g.g - For his sake, I hope he doesn't get drafted early. It's too easy at that point. I can hear the announcer now. F.A.G.G stole the ball ! Oh my, can it get any funnier? Dude, change your name now. Please.
Tom Brady - OK, it's a good name. Anyone other than a Pats fan hates him right now. So. Let's see. Um. Tom...... Roman for.. ah hell..... Never mind. He is a God.
Plaxico Burress - Now really.I want to call my dental hygenist. Exactly WHERE were his parents going with this? This is 2007 but really, back then, a name like Plaxico? 99% of 1st graders are saying HUH? They can barely make the "P" in uppercase ! Damn. This kid must have gone through elementary school Hell.
By all means, if you know of someone I missed ! Let me know !
Happy Holidays ! ( is it 11 yet?)