Destroy Your Opponent

 The Center for Opponent Neutralization and Tonda Harding presents.......

Are you tired of losing in softball to that same team every year? The one with all the sluggers year in and year out? Are you tired of losing at tennis 6-0, 6-0 to the dude with the killer serve? Have you had enough of that Buddy that always shoots in the low 80s against you? Or perhaps you're just tired of losing to people better than you? We can help.

Yes that's right. For a small fee. we at the Tonya Harding Center for Opponent Neutralization (C.O.N.) can maim, dismember, paralyze, or even kill the S.O.B that's blocking your path to athletic success.

Check our price list:

Blow to the knee...................................................................................$99.95

Blow to both knees (a better buy)............................................................$149.95

Blow to the head...................................................................................$124.95

Knife in the back (great for tennis players)...................................................$49.95

Kick in the groin (men only)........................................................................$9.95

Poking out the eyes (three stooges style).....................................................$89.95

Gunshot to the head................................................................................$499.95

Impalement in a public place......................................................................$999.95

Prices subject to change without notice

Wednesday is bonus day. Order one act of violence and receive another of equal or lesser value at 50% off.

With every order over $300.00 you will receive a collapsible hard plastic baton personally signed by Tonya herself-just like the one used to screw up Nancy Kerrigan.

To Order, dial toll-free 1-800-Just-win