All right, I'm going to say it right out: I love Monday Night Football on ESPN.
What are you crazy?
I love it because those guys are such easy targets. Ducks in a barrel. Low hanging fruit. Easy as pie. Where do you aim first?
I'd go for Theismann. He's awful.
When Joe put Hank Williams's hat on in the booth on Monday night (hey guys, there's a game going on down on the field. Check it out willya?) I thought he was using a disguise to get out of Dallas before LT (that's the original folks) took another crack at his leg. Too bad the hat doesn't come with a muzzle. Joey, Joey, Joey. I don't know how to say this but....SHUT UP!
Drew Bledsoe was dreadful on Monday night. You would have seen it too if you were actually watching the game. You could have watched and kept quiet for a minute and stopped sounding like such a fool defending his "performance." Bledsoe was in danger back there and Tuna did him a favor by getting him out. You were right, the Dallas offensive line is terrible, but did you think those hosers were getting better at halftime? Did you think Bledsoe would sprout wings?
Ok, Joey T won't shut up. Anything else?
Tony Kornheiser won't talk. I've mentioned before that Tony is an old and good friend and I had hoped that he'd be wildly successful at MNF. Eight weeks in it's fair to say that that's not happening.
He's offering nothing about the game, nothing funny about the players, the coaches, the cities, the NFL. This is the stuff that we loved in the Washington Post, and more of us love now on PTI. (Oh, by the way, TK, how about getting back to writing proper columns in the Post? If you want to do a blog posting, come join FanNation.)
Nothing? He's offering nothing?
For instance: Monday night, Giants-Cowboys, he does his opening and then the game begins. As far as I could tell the next we heard from Mr. Tony was some four minutes into the game when Cowboys DB Roy Williams got knocked over by the back judge while trying to get into the play and stop Plaxico Burress from catching Eli Manning's TD pass. Replay after replay was shown, Williams jumped up and down and said "waaaah," extra point and the kickoff took place and then Tony asks Joey T: "Any recourse, Joe?" Any recourse? C'mon Tony you've been watching football for a long time. I know I've been at a lot of games with you. Recourse? If I'm a QB and I throw a pass over the middle and it glances off the umpire and falls incomplete, what do I do? Ask for a do-over?
And the way Tony asked Joe the question he sounded scared, like he was afraid Theismann was going to take him outside and beat him like a rented mule.
Now, I'll admit that Monday's game had special interest for me, seeing as how it involved the Big Blue Team of Destiny putting some whupping on the Cowboys so anything that got in the way of this wonderful night would leave me cranky. I don't think I would be alone, Giant fan or no Giant fan, by saying this to all of ESPN:
Cut out the promotions while the game is going on. Better yet: cut out the promotions entirely.
"We have Emmitt Smith, by satellite," play-by-play loser Mike Tirico tells us. And they ask a few questions about his old team the Cowboys and the revelation by Tiki Barber that this was his last season. Well I wished someone had come right out and asked Emmitt if he was sorry he extended his career to those awful years with the awful Arizona Cardinals. They came close but Emmitt went on about his not being done when he left the Cowboys. Well, yes, Emmitt you were done. Fork tender.
And then it happened. Mr. Tony says:
"We can't let Emmitt Smith go without asking about Dancing With the Stars."
For the next five minutes (longer it seemed) Emmitt talked about the ‘gig' he now has on this, surprise surprise, ABC program. We got dancer's training tips from Emmitt, we got his opinion about Jerry Rice as a dance consultant, we got much more than anyone, I mean anyone, could want.
Oh, did we mention THE GAME WAS GOING ON. And you can't just hit the mute button, the person being promoted fills the screen as the game goes on. So muting and the radio is not a good enough solution.
We better stop soon before we take the old laptop and fling it through the TV. But before we go consider this:
- Chris Berman's halftime highlights are not only dumb, they're loud dumb.
- Michael Irvin. Nuff said.
- Suzy Kolber keeps repeating inconsequential blather that the boys in the booth have just said except she's doing it on the sideline.
- Michelle Tafoya does get some praise for letting us know that Tony Romo would replace Bledsoe.
- And to the Boys in the Booth: did you actually think that the stupid Tony Roma, Tony Romo lines were funny? Can't be. Can't be.
Ok, I'm done. One last thing: I don't love Monday Night Football on ESPN.
I HATE IT.