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American Football
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A bunch of steroid chewing, steroid masking, spoiled kids take the field with a funny shaped ball. It's a similar sport to rugby except that everyone's wearing lots of pads and wearing helmets so they don't get hurt.

The offense stands around talking about what they're going to do when they actually start playing. Then they walk to the line of scrimmage and the QB talks some more ****, sometimes way too much (see Peyton Manning). Then they play football for three seconds and have a break. Everybody stands around and has another chat about what they're going to do next. The QB isn't too sure what to do so he calls a time-out and runs over to the sideline and stands around talking with the coach about what they're going to do next. The Coach isn't sure either so he talks with another coach up in a booth about what they might do next. Then the QB runs back into the huddle and tells everyone what to do next. Then they all line up and he tells them again. If it's Peyton Manning, he changes his mind about what everyone told him to do next, and starts telling everyone else that he's changed his mind. He takes so f**king long that even the officials say that's too long and they throw another flag which means everyone gets another break to talk about what they're going to do next.

After Peyton Manning is definitely sure about what they're going to do next, they all line up again and he reminds everybody all over again about what they're doing next. Manning waits as long as he can for the 45 second clock to run down. When it's at 0:02 somebody jumps off-side. Now everyone gets another break while the zebras stand around and discuss what they're going to do next. They're not sure who it was that jumped first so they talk to guys up in the booth about who moved first. Those guys say "Hang on, give us a couple of minutes to run back the tape here." A few minutes later, they call the guys down on the pitch and say "number 72 defense". Then everybody on offense walks downfield and they play the down over again.

Peyton lets the clock run down again and just before it's snapped, the Left Guard moves and there's lots of people jumping at each other. Now there's a fight. The zebras talk to each other about what just happened but they're not sure. So they take a break to talk to the guys upstairs. Eventually they nominate the Guard, False Start, and the offense has to walk back to where they were in the first place and start over. Now Peyton doesn't like the call he got and runs over to the sideline and talks with his coach again. He runs back into the huddle and explains what they're going to do, they walk up to the LOS and he tells them again, but he sees a guy who wasn't there before creeping up to the LOS and he changes his mind about what they're going to do next. Now even his guys are confused. The ball is finally snapped and the Colts are going to pass! Manning throws it complete to Reggie Wayne and everyone starts to walk up to the new line of scrimmage after they've talked about what they're going to do next. While Manning is reminding everyone at the LOS about what he's just told them, Lovie Smith, Head Coach on the other team takes a red flag out of his pocket and throws it onto the field. He doesn't like what just happened and said it wasn't fair, there wasn't 7 people on the LOS he's sure of it. The zebras get together and talk about what just happened and they're not sure so they talk to the guys back up in the booth and they say ' Hold on, we'll have a look...' Eventually the guys in the booth say that there was only six guys on the line of scrimmage and everyone has to move back again and start over. It's getting dark now and the Colts have to punt. Phweeeep! No, not yet - we're going to have another break now because that's the two-minute warning .... cut to commercial.

[rest of the world]

Give. Me. A. F**king. Break.