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Gerbilicus Saga Part 1

ANNOUNCER: AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR OUR DAILY SKUNKVILLE POST-MORTEM SHOW, BROUGHT TO YOU AS PUBLIC SERVICE FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM WITHDRAWAL CAUSED BY THE ABRUPT END OF THE SKUNKVILLE SAGA. IN THIS SHOW, SEASONED PROFESSIONAL INTERVIEWER AND ANALYST, WALLY GERBIL, WRITER OF 'GERBILSPEAK' AND 'WALLYMETRICS', TAKES A DEEP LOOK INTO THE SKUNKVILLE SAGA AND THE PROFOUND CHANGE IN OUR POPULAR CULTURE IT MAY HAVE CREATED. AND NOW, HERE HE IS, THE 'HERBAL GERBIL', THE RODENT WITH THE ROAD MAP', 'THE MAHATMA OF MANHATTAN', 'THE SMALL FURRY MALE OPRAH', AND ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL CULTURAL FIGURES OF OUR AND ALL TIME...ALL THOSE IN THE STUDIO AUDIENCE PLEASE RISE...FOR.....WITTY WILY WACKY WALLY GERBIL!!!!!!!!!!

Audience member 1: Gee, where is he after all that fanfare? I have my glasses on but...

Audience member 2: See that little black dot that's slowly moving across the stage to the miniature microphone? The mike is the little stick that's about three inches high....

Audience member 1: Yeah, but we're like a hundred feet away at least -- how are we supposed to see things that small from this far away??

Audience member 2: Well, look up at the monitor -- oh, it says 'Monitor Transmission and Microphone Problems, Please Stand By'

ANNOUNCER: SORRY, WE'RE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEMS, BUT BRAVE WALLY IS WAVING TO PROCEED -- HE'S SIGNALLING THAT THE SHOW MUST GO ON!!

Walt Brown and surprise guest Stinky the Squirrel are in the wings, awaiting their introductions. Stinky: This is the kind of shxt that gives us rodents bad reps!! Besides, he has to be the one of the biggest axxholes on TV in spite of his minute size...

ANNOUNCER: WALLY IS MOTIONING FOR HIS SPECIAL GUESTS TO COME OUT AND TAKE THEIR SEATS NEXT TO WALLY'S TINY DESK -- THE BIG SEAT FOR NONEOTHER THAN THE MAN HIMSELF, WALT BROWN, UNOFFICIAL MAYOR OF SKUNKVILLE AND, ALONG WITH EDNA, FIRST IN THE HEARTS OF ALL AMERICA.. AND HE IS ACCOMPANIED BY HIS SIDEKICK THE WORLD FAMOUS STINKY THE FARTING SQUIRREL, WHO HAS FROLICKED IN OPRAH'S BRA ON NATIONAL TV AND MET WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA AS WELL!!

tiny squeaking noises as Wally tries to speak without his special super-amplified microphone

Audience member 3, wearing a hearing aid: I'm getting that daxned little squeaking noise in my hearing aid again... at the worst possible moment...

Walt reaches center stage and, with his famous unmiked booming voice, says: Hey, I'll help our cute little gerbil pal out by being his mouthpiece -- Stinky, can you listen carefully to Wally and tell me what he's saying?

Audience member 4: All of a sudden I can hear great. The show is on!!

Walt: Alright, Wally is saying 'you bxstards are stealing my fxcking show!' Boy, he does have a great sense of humor... Let's all give Wally a big hand for being such a great little guy!

AUDIENCE ROARS, IN A GOOD MOOD NOW BECAUSE THEY CAN HEAR WALT'S BOOMING EX-SEA-CAPTAIN VOICE

Stinky passes on that Wally is now asking, by springing up a tall stage stool and whispering in Walt's ear: "For all the jxrk-offs out there who followed your stupid story before it thankfully came to a long overdue end, give them an update on what's happened recently in your lives in case anyof them gives a shxt!'

Walt passes on this message and then says: Well, as everyone knows Edna, Bert, and I all had amnesia from when we started talking about the great old Guy Lumbago Band after we returned from Purgatory, and Edna and Bert and I started dancing around our living room as a threesome thinking of Guy Lumbago's old songs, until all the sweeping and swirling after eating a large dinner made us dizzy and we somehow fell down the long flight of concrete steps that leads to our usually flooded basement. In that process, we all banged our heads and forgot who we were... But then someone clued us in on the Skunkville Blog that recounts our recent lives in great detail... And when Edna, Bert Fartley, and myself read all that material, suddenly our memories came flooding back to us as if we never had lost them... So we're back to business, normal style! No harm, no foul!! Back in Black!!! As if we never left...

Stinky scrambles up the stage stool and passes on Wally's next question: "How did you manage to sabotage my sound equipment, you xxtherxxckers??'

Walt booms out to the audience: Alright... Wally is now asking us how we managed to sabotage his sound equipment... Well, since we didn't do that, ask him what his next question is...

Stinky leaps off the stage stool, speeds over to tiny Wally, gets his next question then scrambles over and up to Walt and whispers: What are we going to do now...Is there possibly a television series, or a movie or series of movies planned for us in the near future?

Walt: I don't know anything about that, do you Stinky?

Stinky: No, I wouldn't want that... I've had my brief fling with fame and am happier out in the woods cracking my nuts... (Walt repeats with his booming sea voice and audience bursts out in a roar of laughter for some reason... Stinky apologizes to Walt: "I wasn't trying to be funny, boss!")

Stinky leaps off the stage stool, speeds over to tiny Wally, gets his next question then scrambles over and up to Walt and whispers: Gerbil wants to know if Persimmon Gathright actually escaped and is now living in Skunkville as was reported in the final episode of Skunkville...

Walt: (Repeats question, then): Sorry to say, we believe the unusual and kind and entrancing Persimmon is still incarcerated in the abominable GHUUUK facility. But I would ask each of you to talk to your crooked local congressman and tell him you want that place closed.... Whoever wrote that last entry of Skunkville -- maybe someone from GHUUUK or paid by GHUUUK -- didn't know what was going on -- they just wanted to slap a contrived happy ending on the story...

Stinky leaps off the stage stool, speeds over to tiny Wally, gets his next question then scrambles over and up to Walt and whispers: Gerbil says the audience wants to know who writes all the endless crxp in the Skunkville Blog -- is it you, Persimmon, Fiddles, or who... Or should I say whom -- I forgot whether Wally Gerbil said 'who' or 'whom' -- should I run back over and get a clarification, boss?

Walt: (Repeats question, then): Well, apparently Persimmon Gathright transcribes it and it is taken from her and posted... But she says that her writing is compelled by some outer source -- albeit one that she believes beneficent -- and that she has no influence on the plot... She is more like a secretary taking dictation....

Stinky leaps off the stage stool, speeds over to tiny Wally, gets his next question then scrambles over and up to Walt and whispers: Wally has a stupid, raunchy sense of humor, and so he's asking if he, Wally, can sit on her lap and give her dick-tation??

Walt, who is very fond of Persimmon, turns red, and wheels and takes a couple of steps toward the sleazy wise guy gerbil... But he accidentally oversteps himself, and with his 200+ pounds and Size 12 1/2 steel workboot, totally squashes 2 1/2 ounce Wally Gerbil and his tiny 4" X 4" interviewing desk. At this moment, the audio and video equipment comes back on and the audience is immediately exposed to a huge monitor closeup of the late Wally Gerbil, stuck to the bottom of Walt's huge heavy boot, squashed flat and ... I can't go on....I need a basin!!..... Bbbbbbbllllllllllaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhh!! Sorry, someone has to take over the story....Bbbbbbbllllllllllaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhh!! Bbbbbbbllllllllllaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhh!! Bbbbbbbllllllllllaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhh!!

Walt, in a state of shock, staring at the bottom of his workboot: Gee little fella... You were being kind of annoying, but I didn't ever mean to do that to you... He turns to the audience: IS THERE A VETERANARIAN IN THE HOUSE? IS THERE A VETERANARIAN IN THE HOUSE?? IS THERE A VETERANOFFOREIGHWARSNARIAN IN THE HOUSE!!!

Stinky the Squirrel, inspecting the carcass: How about that, though, Walt -- Look! Wally's not a living being -- no blood, no guts, just tiny circuits and wires... a mechanical doll -- this is something along the lines of what Skunkville's top newsman Nucks Niebert more or less accused Wally of when he was on this show yesterday...Who were they trying to kid anyway: Everyone knows that rodents can't talk!!!!

Walt: Thank goodness!!!!!!!!! They probably have a back-up Wallybot, and he'll be back on tomorrow, as annoying as ever!!

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Gerbilicus Saga Part 2

Brunette Jill, standing outside Blonde Linda's bathroom: Hurry up bxtch... I've got to throw up some more too you know... Share and share alike

Blonde Linda, muffled voice from head inside toilet bowl behind closed and locked bathroom door: This is my bathroom, bxtch... Go home to your own bathroom and hug your pretty toilet... I'm not throwing up from the Gerbil getting squashed anyway... It's from all the Ex Lax and No Doz and FibroMaxPlus and PowerBlast999forWeightLoss I baked into those cookies... At least I think that's what causing the --- BBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHH -- nausea... Or maybe just from being around a bxtch like you and smelling your fetid breath and cheap perfume hahaha --- HAHABBBBBBBLLL LLLLLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHH

Brunette Jill: What does fetid mean anyhow, slxt, like smelly fxcking feet?? And are you done??? If you're doing this to lose weight, you only have about 200 more pounds to go.... UH OH....Hey, bxtch, now someone's knocking on your front door here.... Is His Horribleness and/or Junior His Horribleness supposed to be back this soon, ****?

Blonde Linda, muffled and echoed in the bowl creating a strange sound effect: Whuuuuuut?

Brunette Jill hears alot of motion and action in the bathroom, water running, toilet flushing, things being moved back in place -- then the door opens to an agonized looking Blonde Linda, who says: It's yours, just don't lock the daxn door, bxtch...

Brunette Jill immediately locks the door from the inside and moves objects over in front of the door to make entry even more difficult: Gotya, BleachBlonde!! There was nobody knocking at the frigging door!!!

Blonde Linda: Then how come I can hear someone knocking myself?? Maybe it's the poh-lice, baby! I'm going to tell them you OD'd and to break down that door and to rush you to the fxcking ER to have your stomach pumped and pumped good -- how's that???

Brunette Jill: I know you're lying -- c'mon, let me enjoy my barfing in peace please...

Blonde Linda: I'm going to answer the door, so you better clean up your act in there...

Linda looks briefly in a wall mirror, trying to straighten herself up a little -- hears another polite knock -- and she approaches the door. "Who is it?"

"Girls, I need to speak with you..."

"Who are you, some weirdo ax-murderer? Anyone with that kind of pleasant voice has to be a total sick-o..."

The friendly knock again: "Please open up... I don't want to have to call the authorities..."

"How come your voice sounds familiar, weirdo?"

"Please open up..."

She opens the door and to her surprise -- there is Walt Brown again, just like the last time!!! "Sonuva... What are you doing here now, you old shxthead?"

"May I come in, Blonde Linda?"

"How do you know my name, Mr. Senior Citizen?"

"Remember that time Edna and I accidentally came to your house because we thought it was ours... We were still pretty mixed up then... But this time I came to talk with you about.... about your general demeanor..."

"What are you talking about, our General Demeaner? We don't know any soldiers -- well, that's not true -- but no officers..."

"May I have a seat here, and maybe some of that piping hot Ovaltine I see you have prepared there?"

"Sure, Walt.... Actually, Jill and I are huge fans of you and Edna and Skunkville..."

"Two of the very few..."

"Walt, I can't give you any of that Ovaltine... It's got some other stuff in it besides the Ovaltine..."

"Oh -- okay... Thanks for warning me, that's very kind of you..."

"Let me go check on my friend Jill..." Linda wobbles over to the bathroom door, puts her ear to it: Silence. "That bxtch is sleeping in there! Wake up, Jill!! You won't believe who's here!!!"

Finally, Walt finds himself sitting in an easy chair much like his own in a house much like his own, looking at two would-be-attractive young ladies who currently have a wasted look to them.

"Girls, the reason I'm here is that somehow a couple of your Skunkville 'parties' have been described in some detail on the Skunkville blog -- including tonight's.... Now, we're trying to shut that blog down for a while..."

Brunette Jill: Sorry, Walt... We don't want to ruin your blog...

Blonde Linda: Yes, my apologies too... We have to be on such good behavior most of the time that when we occasionally have a little time away from our hubbies and kids, we like to jus blow off some steam -- let it all hang out...trash-talk each other, eat stuff we shouldn't, act crazy

Lumpy-headed Walt: That sounds like a good idea -- although I'm not sure about some of the additives you put in the rich, chocolatey, nutritious Ovaltine... But I wonder how it's getting onto the blog -- you're not taping your meetings and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah are you?

Brunette Jill: blah blah blah blah blah but then blah blah blah blah blah blah blah yesterday, I think

Blonde Linda: blah blah blah blah blah however blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blaharoonie!

Lumpy-headed Walt: Look, let's blah blah blah blah blah blah because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah or possibly let's blah blah blah blah blah blaharusskie

Brunette Jill: When you say 'let's blah blah blah blah blah blah because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah or possibly let's blah blah blah blah blah blah', what exactly do you blah blah blah blah by that? That let's blah blah blah blah blah blah because blah blah blah blah?? I find that to be blah blah blah blah blah blah because blah blah blah blah blah blaharoonie to the max

Blonde lumpy-headed Walt: blaharoonie to the max, huh? well, blah blah blah blah blah blah because blah blah blah blahapoopie!!

Brunette Linda: blahapoopie!! Well let me blah blah blah blah blah blah instead of blah blah blah blah blah in order to blah blah blah blah blah so that you'll never, ever blah blah blah blah blah in my face again!!!

Blonde Jill: What's going on here? I'm losing track of this conversation... It just sounds like gibberish to me....

Bald, lumpy-headed Waldo: Have you put some kind of hallucinogen into the blah blah blah blah blah blah blahvaltine???

Black-haired Linda Jill: help me help me help me help me -- am I saying I need help, or 'me help", which is a cute babyish way of saying "I will help"

Walinnda Jill: Something very strange is going down here... But from some reason, I'm completely cool with it... Even if His Horribleness or Junior His Horribleness comes home.... All the better, bring them on, my mother and step-father and the fuzz too

W a l t : I v e g o t t o g e t b a c k t o E d n a I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e c u m h e r e

Jillinda: b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l


W a l t : I v e g o t t o g e t b a c k t o E d n a I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e c u m h e r e



a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h


b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h

b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h

b l a h

b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h

b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h

W a l t t h i n k i n g : I v e g o t t o g e t b a c k t o E d n a N O W I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e c u m h e r e

b l a h

!!!!ANDE halb halb halb me!! halb halb halb me!! halb halb halb me !!!!a n d e g r i ff i t h

b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h

b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h

b l a h l o n i e

bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh as of last week bbbbllllaaaahhh

bbbbllllaaaahhhbbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh

bbbbllllaaaahhh willie the worm show bbbbllllaaaahhh


bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh

bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh bbbbllllaaaahhh or in other words bbbbllllaaaahhh b l a h b l a h b l a h b l a h blahble

TOWER OF BLAAHBLE

b l a h

b l a h

and then, when I was younger i FOUND

b l a h



Walt, rising from his chair: Well, girls, thanks for the Ovaltine, and I'm glad we had this little chat. I think I better understand where you're coming from, and at the end of the day, the Skunkville Blog is a total worthless bunch of crxp anyway that doesn't need to be protected... But I do want you girls to be careful with yourselves, and don't do anything to your beautiful bodies or wonderful, funny minds to mess yourselves up. Here's the phone number for me and Edna's if you ever need us... We'll always be there for you... always

And with that, Walt goes to the door unattended and walks off into the frigid, blustery night...

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Gerbilicus Saga Part 3

Walt, immersed in reading the latest news about the Dominican Winter baseball league in the Sports Section Skunkville Daily Violator, hears a loud knock on his front door: "Edna, would you see who that is?" he requests. "I'm reading about how ex-major-leaguer Karim Garcia hit 3 home runs and had 9 RBI in a game between Hermosillo and Navojoa!"

"Sure, dear," Edna says, drying her hands and walking from the kitchen to the front door. "Whoa! As I get closer... there's some strange noises coming from outside..."

"Maybe our half man half animal neighbor Fred Skunkhead is rooting around our front garden early tonight," Walt replies.

Edna opens the door: "Ah yes, sir... May I help you with something?"

Edna: "Walt.... This ah -- guy -- is very strange. He is growling that he wants to talk with you... He has a score to settle..."

Walt: "Well, the final score of that game I mentioned was Hermosillo 12, Navojoa 8... Okay, I'm coming, dear..."

Edna steps aside when Walt reaches the open front door... And sees a huge, eight-foot-tall, immensely muscular and powerful giant gerbil standing outside his front door, dressed in a black one piece outfit, kind of like a superhero, with a giant red G on the front of it. Saliva is dripping from its jaws, lined with razor sharp teeth. He also seems a bit upset or angry, Walt perceives.

Walt, jocularly: Hello, big fella! What can I do you for?

Gerbilicus, in a throaty rasping growl now commonly used by the lead singers for death metal bands and professional wrestler bad guys: "Are you human who deliberately crushed Wally Gerbil, our spokesman and leader???"

Walt: Listen, pal... As I said when it happened, it was an accident. But the damn thing I crushed turned out to be some kind of robotic thing anyway.... When I had managed to scrape most of Wally Gerbil off my size 12 1/2 steel-reinforced heavy work boot, it was just a lot of fur and circuitry -- no flesh and blood... Look, if you want me to chip in to help build another robot gerbil to be your TV spokesperson..."

Gerbilicus roars, flame pouring forth from his mouth, singeing the front Walt's flannel shirt. "Robot gerbil? Robot Gerbil?? What wrong with robot gerbil???!!!! I am robot gerbil... Am I worthless too, to be crushed by puny human fat-man with stupid lumpy head???"

Walt, turning toward Edna, says in a low voice: Edna, would you slip out the back way and go to the Skunkheads or the Skinkheads and call the Skunkville Police and see if Intrepid Inspector Krench is available? I think we could use his help... And maybe also the help of the fiercely Independent Skunkville Heavily Armed Militia, the 100-man armed force beholden to no man, no county, no state, no country, no politician or religion, and especially no woman??

Walt, stalling while Edna gets help: You know, Gerbilicus, I am getting very tired of being accused of having a lumpy head.... Would you point out to me -- without using your flamethrower -- which parts of my head are so misshapen??

Gerbilicus again roars, flame pouring forth from his mouth, singeing the front Walt's flannel shirt even worse. "I see old woman running in back lawn toward neighbor house... I vaporize her with long range fireball..."

Walt, aghast: You better not, you lowly rat!!

But the huge fireball is released and heads straight toward's collision course with Edna who, sensing its imminence, grabs Fred Skinkhead's large wheel barrow as a shield, inclining at just the right angle so that the fireball will return on the exact course that it followed to her....

Gerbilicus again roars, flame pouring forth from his mouth, singeing the front Walt's flannel shirt so badly that some of the buttons pop off and Walt's undershirt is revealed (and Walt is embarrassed to note that the undershirt has a few fairly large holes in it that were not caused by Gerbilicus: 'I've got to buy some new undershirts!' Walt thinks ardently). "Old woman reflect fireball back at Gerbilicus. But Gerbilicus too smart for old buzzard... Gerbilicus --- AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH -- Gerbilicus talk too much about what he was going to do, now has gaping fxcking hole in chest...."

"Now Gerbilicus not just mad, Gerbilicus infuriated -- must destroy Walt Brown, must destroy Edna Brown, must destroy Walt Brown house.."

Gerbilicus leap onto roof of Walt Brown house and sink huge foot long sword-like claws into Walt Brown roof and tear huge hole in roof. Gerbilicus grab chimney and crumble it in Gerbilicus immensely strong paw-grip. Gerbilicus jump down into attic and take Walt Brown stupid 19th century Grandfather Clock and smash it into million pieces. Gerbilicus arch huge powerful back against remaining roof and flip it off like pancake into back lawn. Gerbilicus employ acid spray from huge 2-foot Gerbilicus bxner to destroy floor of attic, then Gerbicilus fall through to main floor of one and half bedroom cheap ranch house...

Walt's cell phone rings: "Walt Brown, where's your emergency? Sorry, I'm a little confused... There is an emergency here... Inspector Krench, we need help -- giant rodent -- fireballs -- huge roof-ripping claws -- acid-squirting pxnxs -- farts of deadly poisonous gas -- whoop, he just cut one of those, I saw the flame fire from his butt when he did it -- must run back, towards woods -- Oh no, I think he's spotted me... No he turned away, I'm okay. Inspector Krench... Inspector Krench? Inspector Krench???!!! Can you come over and bring some help?? Inspector Krench... Inspector Krench? Inspector Krench???!!!... Yes, Mrs. Krench? Inspector Krench has suddenly gotten a bad case of diarrhea and will be in the bathroom until tomorrow?? Oh, gee!!!"

Walt: "Hmmmm. Edna, is that you over there? Come over here, bring Fiddles, and let's keep low here in the woods so he doesn't spot us... It looks like our love-nest is gone -- gone forever -- but at least we have each other" (Walt cuddles and caresses Edna's head against his lumpy head, while Fiddles, a little singed but otherwise no worse for wear, joins the cuddling, quietly yipping and yapping a little bit.. "Boy, wouldn't a nice steaming cup of Ovaltine be great right now!! But do you guys hear something, a little rustling or something -- maybe it's just the wind..."

Hah Hah With the Stealth of rodent, Gerbilicus done snuck up on you, stupid dog not even smell Gerbilicus since Gerbilicus machine not animal. Now Gerbilicus tower high above you to unleash ultimate disintegration blast for silly flesh and bloodlings... Why your God make you so flimsy, cheap, easy to smash, easy to kill, easy to incinerate -- He not worth worshipping like GGGAAAWWWDDD of Gerbilicus

AND WITH THAT, THE DISINTEGRATION RAY OF GERBILICUS INCINERATES WALT, EDNA, STINKY, FIDDLES, AND ANY OF YOU READERS WHO WERE SITTING TOO CLOSE TO THE ACTION FIGURING YOU WERE SAFE HERE SINCE WE WOULD FIND A WAY TO PROTECT YOU ANY INNOCENT READERS OF THIS STUPID STORY.

A pile of ashes lying in the woods... Later, a breeze comes along and begins to scatter the ashes in many directions... Then come the rain and a heavy wind... ashes to ashes, dust to dust.... Gerbilicus regnus

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Gerbiicus Saga Part 4

In the ashen devastation behind the now nonexistent house where Walt Brown used to live -- in the little once-wooded area between the Browns' property and the famed Skunkville Dump -- a huge figure in an equally huge trenchcoat kneels on the wasted area, apparently collecting samples of some type from the ashen devastation... in the icy cold of a grey mid-December afternoon...

"Hello, Mr. Big-Trenchcoat-Guy... This is Bert Fartley, Senior Science Advisor for Skunkville Channel 97 Action News... May I ask you what you're doing right now? Our viewers would like to know..."

Mr. Big-Trenchcoat-Guy turns and rises, annoyed. From his huge exotic face and gigantic body, it is clear that this person is none other than the brilliant Melrrovian medical doctor and scientist -- and recovering cannibal, recently celebrating 18 months of recovery -- the deservedly famous Dr. Canduu.

"Please... do not interrupt my work. I haven't had lunch, my stomach is growling like a wild animal's, and I have much to do here. Please take your Channel 97 crew and depart, Bret Fallguy or whatever your name is... Do this for your own safety, and to give me the quiet I need to figure out what best be done... If anything can be done...I cannot tell you how saddened I am about the annihilation of this town and my three closest friends in this world -- Walt Brown, Edna Brown, and Fiddles...

"But you can tell your viewers that I have a plan to restore safety and sanity to our town -- and perhaps even to restore the beloved Brown family to our world -- and lastly, to give Walt the fair chance I know he would want to be an agent in the mending of the city of Townsvil -- I mean Skunkville..."

..
Person reading blog at this moment in the safety of his work office in the suburbs outside of sunny, smoggy Los Angeles: 'Gerbilicus, you're nothing but a big nasty bully. You can sxck my dxck as far as I'm concerned!! You big LOSER!! LOSER!!'

"Hmmm.... Idiot don't know full extent of Geribilicus powers, that obvious... that very obvious. Gerbilicus not want to sxck his dxck, Gerbilicus want to bite off his head for snack!!" Gerbilicus extends his huge gerbil arm, part of it seeming to disappear into thin air... Person sassing Gerbilicus cyberspatially from the seeming safety of his office sees giant rodential hand emerging three-dimensionally from his PC screen -- grabbing him by throat -- pulling him back through screen into cold Skunkville street...

"Gerbilicus say you one stupid piece of shxt, office worker about to be Gerbilicus afternoon snack..."

Office worker, totally blanching -- raising his hands to protect himself -- but it's too late....

Gerbilicus chewing (CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH): "Hmmmm.... Gerbilicus always say head most tasty part... leave rest here in street without head to rot or for some needy monster not as powerful as Gerbilicus!!! Gerbilicus reign supreme!"

Huge thundering sound as entire city of Skunkville shakes back and forth, and Gerbilicus almost loses his balance as a consequence. Gerbilicus, quieted, voice now wavering: Hmm. Gerbilicus wonder what that might be...

"BUDDY.... YOU MAY BE PRETTY HIGH IN THE FOOD CHAIN -- BUT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT WALTZILLA!!!!"

Towering over Gerbilicus, this 50-foot version of Walt Brown raises its right foot's size 212 1/2 steel-plated workboot and brings in crushing downward towards Gerbilicus

Gerbilicus: "Hold it a second pal.... Maybe we can work something out here -- Gerbilicus reasonable, Waltzilla reasonable, how about you take Skinkville, I'll take this redhead and Skunkville..."AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!! SQUASH -- SQUIRT -- SPLAT -- ETC.

"FLAT AS A PANCAKE... AS FLAT AS I MADE THE EVIL GENIUS WHO MAY HAVE CREATED HIM, TV PERSONALITY WALLY GERBIL -- AND AS FLAT AS I WILL MAKE ANY SUPER-VILLAIN WHO DARES TO MESS WITH MY TOWN!!!!!!

"Of course, the original, 2 1/2 oz. Wally Gerbil smashing was a complete accident on my part... and I'm not proud at all of that... Now, if I can just find Dr. Canduu so he can transform me back to normal size... I'm afraid to even move my feet, I'm so big... I don't want to squash anyone -- other than evil Gerbilicus of course...and he's already squashed and kind of disgusting to look at now... I'll just stay here until Dr. Canduu shows up.... You know, I really have to pee, though...REDHEAD GO-GO BEAUTY DOWN THERE -- PLEASE GO HOME IMMEDIATELY -- I don't trust myself to reach down and take that autograph pad and felt-tip marker from you... I'm not sure my fine motor skills are that fine... I'm so big and clumsy... Run along home cutie... I'll sign it for you when I'm much smaller.... Which hopefully will be soon... Yes, I love you too... Yes, my head is really lumpy like they say in the story....

"Dee di dee di dee di dee di dum di dee di dum dee dee dum....I really have to take a dxmp too, I'm sad to say... And I've got to hold in this pressing fxrt, which might poison half the people in the town...

"Dee di dee di dee di dee di dum di dee di dum dee dee dum....Oh Dr. Canduu?? Where are you? Dee di dee di dee di dee di dum di dee di dum dee dee dum.. And for some reason, I feel like jxrking off too... Must be the power has gone to my head...

"Dee di dee di dee di dee di dum di dee di dum dee dee dum....Oh Dr. Canduu?? Where are you? Dee di dee di dee di dee di dum di dee di dum dee dee dum....I also feel a little nauseous like I might barf, but that could flood the town with vileness... I better try to clear the area...



"ATTENTION ALL TOWNSPEOPLE...


"ATTENTION ALL TOWNSPEOPLE...

"PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY...

"I REPEAT,

"PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY...



"THIS IS YOUR FRIENDLY PROTECTOR WALTZILLA SPEAKING FROM WAY UP HERE (my head's actually in a little cloud right now)...THIS IS WALTZILLA SPEAKING FROM WAY UP HERE...


"PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY...

"I MAY HAVE TO RELEASE A POISON GAS BOMB THAT I HAVE BEEN HOLDING IN RESERVE IN MY RECTUM FOR GERBILICUS IF MY FOOT-CRUSHING WAS THWARTED..."

Tiny figure of townsman standing below, waving to Waltzilla: "Why do you have to release gas bomb, Waltilicus? Are you somewhat evil too?"

http://blogs.delphiforums.com/skunkville

I can't belive Sports Illutrated dared to ban Wally Gerbil!

QUOTE(#16):

Originally posted 02:01 PM ET  04.30 by YODA

I can't belive Sports Illutrated dared to ban Wally Gerbil!

He was such a sweet, pure, kindly little fellow, I'd say a little like Mickey Mouse. A role model

QUOTE(#17):

Originally posted 04:26 PM ET  04.30 by TnerB57

LOL @ Tower of Blahble!

Yes, I don't use drugs or alcohol but it seemed like I had reached some kind of altered state when I was writing that sequence

You know, looking through the saga, I think I left out an episode where Gerbilicus is wrecking Skunkville. I'll post it if I find it.