Giants receiver Plaxico Burress returned from a two-week suspension on Monday that included him sitting out the team’s 44-6 win over Seattle with nary an apology. Burress says the “family emergency” he had to deal with was taking his son to school. The closest he came by admitting any culpability for skipping a day of work without informing the team of his whereabouts was: “Maybe I could have put a call in.”
Frankly, that’s not going to cut it. We like Plax, though, so we’re going to help him out. Here are some excuses that he could have used, just in case this happens again:
10. The dog ate my cellphone
9. Son needed protection from bully Scut Farkas
8. No sense playing since Seahawks defense provided zero challenge
7. Can’t face a world in which Misty May-Treanor isn’t on network TV
6. Drank expired milk -- from China
5. Just trying to keep up with other knucklehead WRs
4. Tried calling information for team’s number but didn’t realize “Giants” was spelled with soft “G”
3. It’s not like I ever practiced last year either, and how’d that turn out?
2. Had scheduled a therapeutic massage for my ego
1. We’re talking ‘bout practice?