While the economy seems to be crumbling before our very eyes, baseball is capping a successful season with its playoffs and the NFL and college football are zipping along as popular as ever. Indeed, there is much that the world of finance could learn from sports.
Here are some of the steps that we would recommend our financial barons borrow from sports to turn things around. It also might be time to beg and steal, if necessary.
10. Move market into sparkling new digs right across Wall Street
9. Rename bailout the much catchier “Siete Cien Billón”
8. Replace the FDIC with A-Rod (caveat: guarantee’s worthless in October)
7. Enforce 16-year-old age limit for investment bankers
6. Hank Paulson out, Joe Torre in
5. Try to bottle T.O.’s overweening self-confidence
4. Let CC Sabathia pitch in every fourth day until he keels over
3. Stop panicking! It’s not like we’re talking about the Auburn offense here
2. Let Rickapolis make stock picks
1. Don’t worry, those very same Congressmen who held the Roger Clemens hearings are getting to the bottom of this crisis as we speak
Janipher Choi
Tori Praver
Mavs Dancers
College Football, Top 25 Review
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Charge "personal shopping license" to consumers for the right to consider buying consumer goods
buddy&ozzy
Total Comments (2257)
8. Replace the FDIC with A-Rod (caveat: guarantee???s worthless in October)
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How is jumping on the bandwagon, one that half the civilized world has already ridden on, going to help anything?
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (10995)
Niiiicccceeeee, Pete!
Number 1 was excellent!
SoBeGaPe
Total Comments (4260)
7. Enforce 16-year-old age limit for investment bankers
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Unless they're Chinese and female.
BKJ - ah say ah say
Jacksonville , FL
Total Comments (5247)
11. HGH and steroids for traders in the pit
buddy&ozzy
Total Comments (2257)
12) Ensure that CEO's have guaranteed contracts so even if they screw up or quit they still get paid.
manta
Total Comments (5191)
Perhaps if a sports writer, who may or may not have had previous investment banker experience, were to get involved, thing would right themselves.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (10995)
10. Move market into sparkling new digs right across Wall Street. 10 Spot
To be funded with public funds.
dak65
Aurora, IL
Total Comments (212)
Maybe they could trade and/or bench the CEOs...
SoBeGaPe
Total Comments (4260)
Set a salary cap for all banks. CEO salaries are included in this cap.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (10995)
Nmaing rights: ie the Pepsi/Frito Lay New York Stock Exchange Presented by Toyota
buddy&ozzy
Total Comments (2257)
15) To allow all Financial Organizations to be able to compete and stay profitable, entry draft of all MBA's.
manta
Total Comments (5191)
WWTOD bracelets handed out to all high-level executives.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (10995)
Hire Nick Saban to run everything... he will deny that he wants the job, but a little extra money should sway him. He should have it all turned around in 3-4 years.
Lolly
Lilburn , GA
Total Comments (7116)
Have Belichick videotape all of the competing countries bank operations.
manta
Total Comments (5191)
17. Ban Mets bullpen from making stock trades.
Mr Adams
Total Comments (3057)
Win by whatever means necessary, push the rules envelope, cheat as much as necessary just so long as long as you don't get caught. If you do get caught, deny everything and blame someone else - Oh wait....
buddy&ozzy
Total Comments (2257)
I like this one
Martel - Moopsbane
Total Comments (3940)
Let the traders wear a gold thong to get out of this slump
vgtwoomph
Total Comments (210)
Adopt "Herm Philosophy": We bank to win.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (10995)
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