I have good news and bad news -- the Mets scored six runs in the first against Dave Bush and the Brewers, and Bush is on my fantasy team. Still, the LTLs wait for no man:
• Jacksonville police say Jaguars RB Fred Taylor yelled at them repeatedly during a traffic stop until they charged him with disorderly conduct. But Taylor tells a very different tale. He insists the cops were rabid fantasy football players who kept threatening to "handcuff" him to Maurice Jones-Drew.
• The Oprah Winfrey Show's season premiere, being taped today in Chicago, will feature 150 U.S. Olympians. And this sounds exciting: The Olympians will bring their gold medals, while Oprah has promised to break out a few bricks from her home vault for the audience.
• Central Florida had to cancel football coach George O'Leary's teleconference this week because school officials accidentally gave out the number to a phone sex line. Wow. That's the most unbelievable story I've seen since O'Leary's résumé.
• A Russian sumo wrestler who tested positive for marijuana insists he's never used the drug and wants a new test. He swears the only thing he inhales is food.
• LeBron James will be featured in an upcoming film about his high school career. In it, LeBron is adopted by a wealthy California family, but his athletic talents and the wrong-side-of-the-tracks chip on his shoulder lead to plenty of drama. Oops, sorry, that's the 90210 remake.
• Just-cut Lions RB Tatum Bell reportedly swiped the bags of the man signed to replace him, Rudi Johnson, from right outside team CEO Matt Millen's office. Just as well; the sooner Johnson learns to accept losing things, the better.
• Programming schedule: Caption This will be held today. September's Write Your Own Joke (WYOJ) contest will kick off tomorrow afternoon, with the winners posted Friday morning. Also remember that the 10 Spot Real World Outing is fast approaching; it's set for Saturday, Sept. 13. More details to come shortly.