The LPGA has faced loads of controversy since revealing this week that it intends to make all its members pass an oral exam in English or face suspension from the tour. Its stated reason is that it wants its many international members, including a large influx of South Koreans, to be able to interact with pro-am partners and deal with English-speaking media.
We'll leave the debate as to whether or not this is a good idea to those who know what they're talking about. (Sadly, that eliminates me.) Rather, we'll use the situation as an excuse to uncork cheap gags. It's important to play to one's strengths, as insignificant as they might be.
Here are some signs that you might not pass your LPGA exam on spoken English:
10. You actually understand Ozzie Guillen
9. You went to that decertified public school in Georgia
8. Limited to "dirty talk" picked up from David Duchovny
7. Studied English in L.A., where it's pronounced "Spanish"
6. You can't open your mouth because it's jammed with bacon
5. Learned English by watching President Bush speak
4. You can only count up to a nine-iron
3. Figured it made more sense to learn Chinese since they're taking over the world anyway
2. You're the lone child left behind
1. You only know how to speak Amurricun, dammit!
Maria Kirilenko
Melissa Haro
Men's Grand Slam All-Time Leaders
Roger Federer's Grand Slam Titles
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Thanks to Kari for suggesting this topic yesterday.
The 10 Spot
Total Comments (6586)
****? Marshall didn't even post anything!
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (11361)
"****?" = WTH?
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (11361)
I usually say that I speak French like Jimmy Carter speaks English.
Anthony Verna
New York , NY
Total Comments (5975)
Way to keep #6 clean, Pete...
gill_
Total Comments (12241)
11) You speak the way that Barzhac spells.
manta
Total Comments (5655)
****? Marshall didn't even post anything!
DJ C - Pete 3:16
----
I like to keep people guessing.
Though keep in mind Marshall's on the Left Coast.
The 10 Spot
Total Comments (6586)
12) Instead of learning to speak English, you just speak Korean slower and louder.
manta
Total Comments (5655)
12) You only remember English when there are no microphones around or not at a Congressional hearing.
FGB
Neyland Stadium, TN
Total Comments (8222)
13) You can only speak 'text', LOL.
manta
Total Comments (5655)
The only English you understand is the following conversation:
"Jeetyit?"
"Nah. J'oo?"
"Yuntoo?"
"Aight."
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (11361)
Beat me to it, DJ - - -
If y-e-s is a two syllable word, you may be a redneck.
Tom, ALRanger
Richardson , TX
Total Comments (2861)
12) Instead of learning to speak English, you just speak Korean slower and louder.
manta
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That's funny.
The 10 Spot
Total Comments (6586)
Your English teacher was Flavor Flav
Duke of Earle
Culver City , CA
Total Comments (519)
You threaten to send someone into Bolivian.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
Total Comments (11361)
Paging Skooter...there is now a job opening in Alaska
You know anything about State Government??
gill_
Total Comments (12241)
If you can combine multiple words into one, then fuggedabowdit
Duke of Earle
Culver City , CA
Total Comments (519)
....they tell you that the 10-spot langwedge is not an accetable form of englisch
The Skoot
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gill...I use to work for the feds
The Skoot
Total Comments (9672)
Correction Pete on #7, it's "Spanglish"
Duke of Earle
Culver City , CA
Total Comments (519)
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