So when's Michael Phelps' next race again?:
• Phelps completed his epic quest over the weekend by winning his seventh and eighth gold medals of these Olympics. That makes him the first Olympian with more gold than the average rapper.
• Jamaica's Usain Bolt dominated the 100 meters with a shockingly easy world record of 9.69 seconds. He was so far ahead that down the backstretch he had time to pound his chest, wave to the crowd and solve the Russia-Georgia crisis.
• China's He Kexin beat American Nastia Liukin for the gold medal in uneven bars today even though they scored an identical 16.725. The judges gave Kexin the gold based on Beijing's new tiebreaker -- the threat of imprisonment.
• As for the super-petite He, she said her second gold of these games far exceeds her wildest dreams. In fact, all she wanted for these Olympics was her two front teeth.
• Alicia Sacramone, alas, finished just out of the medals with a fourth place in the vault. On the bright side, her pugilistic prowess should land her the lead in Gymkata 2.
• Joe Gibbs Racing was caught cheating over the weekend by placing magnets under the gas pedals. NASCAR officials got suspicious when the cars kept dragging along Don Zimmer's head.
• Grumpy Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent says legendary broadcaster Vin Scully "talks too much." Man, that jerk better wash out his truck with soap.