Swimming superstar Michael Phelps won his third gold medal of these Olympics games early Tuesday (Beijing time) in the 200 meter freestyle. That gives Phelps nine Olympic golds overall, tying him for the alltime Olympic record, with five more chances to break it. He's also still on track for a potential eight golds in Beijing alone, which would be another record.
Indeed, it seems like Phelps simply can't lose. Not every swimmer, of course, is so fortunate.
Here are the top signs that you won't be winning an Olympic swimming medal:
10. The only Speedo product you're wearing is your swimmies
9. Just before the race, you wolfed down three burritos
8. You only practice as a lawyer
7. You can't stop snickering whenever they say "breaststroke"
6. Your nickname is "The Stone"
5. Your only similarity to Mark Spitz is your pornstache
4. You like to sleep late
3. NBC features you in "Far Away and Impersonal" profile
2. You're no more buoyant than Al Campanis
1. Your best stroke is the dog paddle