Jose Canseco was charged in federal court yesterday with trying to smuggle a fertility drug across the border from Mexico. Last week Canseco was detained at San Diego’s border crossing when agents found human chorionic gonadotropin, which is illegal without a prescription.
The drug is most often used to help women ovulate. Of perhaps more interest to Canseco, it can also help restore the production of testosterone lost in male steroid users. That’s why the drug is banned for use in males by the World Anti-Doping Agency.
Still, we’re sure a quick-thinking fellow like Jose did his best to talk his way out of trouble. Here are the top 10 excuses he likely offered to the border guards:
10. That’s no female fertility drug in my pants -- I’m just happy to see America
9. It’s a delightful marinade for my next BBQ
8. Who? No, I’m Ozzie
7. This is what happens when health insurance doesn’t cover even the most basic effects of illegal steroid use
6. I’m in a hurry, I hear Madonna’s available again
5. How ‘bout a signed copy of my book and we’ll call it even?
4. I had no choice after Vai Sikahema took my manhood
3. It’s safer than drinking the water, am I right folks?
2. Look over there, it’s Clemens’ nanny!
1. At least my name will be in the papers again
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11) I was just stocking up on supplies for my next barbeque.
BoFett
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Crap, I didn't read # 9 close enough.
BoFett
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13) It was just that time of the month.
BoFett
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Roger bet me I didn't have the balls to try to smuggle drugs into the country.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
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11) These aren't for me, I'm picking them up for my old pal Jeremy. You see, he wants to turn his 'roid shrivelled raisins back into juicy grapes, the better to fill out his golden thong.
buddy&ozzy
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15. It's not for me. It's for Big Brown.
Mr Adams
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15) Just trying to follow the whole 'go forth and multiply' decree.
BoFett
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11) I wasn't smuggling druges, I buying Halloween decorations with a woman and her 7 year old daughter (seriously, thats his story)
buddy&ozzy
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21. I've got a date with Marcia Brady.
Mr Adams
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I know about the whole facts thing, but just wanted to share this.
The normal clinical HCG level in non-pregnant women is <10. By taking this drug, it often increases the HCG level to 100,000 or more, which greatly increases fertility.
The blood test is often called a quantitative pregnancy test, as the level can help in determining how far along a woman's gestation is.
This ends the learning portion of the 10-Spot.
DJ C - Pete 3:16
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14) But officer, McGwire and Palmeiro told me it was just flaxseed extract!
DOC - Major Medical
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25) Thought it was safer than smuggling marijuana or cocaine.
BoFett
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12) Label was in Spanish - I thought it was HGH
buddy&ozzy
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Learning, we don't need no stinkin' learning.
BoFett
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He should've taken Sammy Sosa with him to interpret.
BoFett
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16) Well, its certainly not because 30 years of steroid abuse has left me an infertile shell of my former self. No sir, not me
buddy&ozzy
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He was bringing home leftovers from the IIHF Olympic qualifyier tournament in Turkey, where he skated and scored a goal for the Mexican national ice hockey team.
http://stats.iihf.com/Hydra/168/IHM1680MEX_83_3_0.pdf
Spain beat out Mexico, Bulgaria and Turkey to advance to the Group B tournament in Estonia in November.
SeanNJ - Minister of…
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And with post #17, SI has now covered more hockey today than the WWL does in a month.
SeanNJ - Minister of…
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53) I have a contract to supply Vitali Klitschko with baby pee, so the drugs are part of my investment in the production infrastructure.
Martel - Moopsbane
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That's funny.
The 10 Spot
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