Here are some items to peruse as you limber up your mind for today's "Write Your Own Joke" contest:

• The ever-litigious NFL Network will air its first game of the season tonight when the Browns host the Broncos. The NFL Network, of course, won its recent lawsuit to force the Browns to start American Legend Brady Quinn at QB instead of Whatshisface.

• A Massachusetts man has sued Tom Brady’s dad for approximately $1.8 million. The elder Brady is being accused of passing on a genetically weak knee.

• Carmelo Anthony’s posh new barbershop, Studio 15, opens today in downtown Denver. And check out the shop’s catchy motto: “We’ll never stop snippin’.”

• The NBA has launched a five-week grassroots program in India that will include clinics led by Hall of Famer Robert Parish. In related news, tabloids nationwide are rushing to be the first to accompany this story with the headline, “Indian Chief.”

• The Knicks beat the Bobcats 101-98 last night in Larry Brown’s return to Madison Square Garden as an opposing coach. Still, Brown couldn’t help himself from needling his old team. Though he may have crossed the line when he started chanting, “I Want Steph!”

• The father of suspended Ohio State WR Ray Small says the school is intentionally trying to ruin his son’s career. Why just this week, a devious Buckeyes coach told Small that he’s good enough to transfer to the SEC.

• A University of Tennessee DB was cited last week for speeding, an open container of alcohol and marijuana. How is this guy not playing offense? He’s a true triple-threat!