So what's the over-under on the length of Matt Holliday's A's career? Five months?

• The Nets will offer free tickets to the unemployed. And this is odd -- the first person to express interest was Stephon Marbury. You can imagine his disappointment when he was told he was only underemployed.

• Blazers rookie Greg Oden says he will return from his sprained foot tonight, which is much quicker than expected. Great news! Sounds like somebody found that swimming pool from Cocoon.

• 49ers coaches are now blaming the officials for not telling them quickly enough where the ball would be spotted for their failed last-second play call against the Cardinals. Then when Mike Singletary said his team “got the shaft,” reporters quickly fled lest he try another visual demonstration.

• Former MLB catcher Mike Piazza has signed a deal to write a memoir. Piazza promises that you won’t be able to put it down, much like Roger Clemens with a broken bat.

• Spurs guard Bruce Bowen didn’t start Tuesday’s game against the Knicks, the first time in 550 games he wasn’t in the starting lineup. Still, Spurs coaches were forced to insert Bowen during the first quarter because he kept elbowing teammates on the bench.

• An Ohio boxing gym had its ring stolen over the weekend. At least, that’s what he’s telling Mrs. Gym.