A Colorado company is offering parents the opportunity to perform genetic testing on their toddlers to determine their natural athletic talents. The thinking is that the $149 test, in which the company collects a DNA sample, will help parents decide which sports they should push their children to play while, presumably, hectoring them from the stands for the next two decades. Isn’t science grand?
In these tough economic times, though, $149 might be a bit steep. The 10 Spot firmly believes that no parent should be denied access to creepy borderline-eugenics.
Therefore, we hereby offer -- for free -- these signs that your toddler could be a potential pro athlete:
10. Christmas list topped by Red Rider BB gun -- unlicensed
9. Every Monopoly game ends with him making it rain
8. Sent home from nursery school for demanding touches
7. He’s a Manning
6. His crib’s already been featured on MTV
5. He just bench-pressed the babysitter
4. Expects you’ll cater to his every whim (OK, maybe that’s every toddler)
3. Still paying his surgery bills after game of “Got Your Nose”
2. Performs choreographed dance after each successful “potty”
1. He has an imaginary posse
Kate Upton
Julie Henderson
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Rare Photos of Lou Gehrig
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At least I get the last word...
Fin Sturbeighby
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