(AP)

Welcome back to Caption This. That’s Wizards forward Gilbert Arenas on the right (we’re pretty sure) a few weeks back when the Madame Tussauds in Washington, D.C., unveiled his wax likeness.

Feel free to provide a suggested caption in the comments section. I will post some selections tonight.

(UPDATED)

Here's a Sweet 16:

“The Wizards believe that Arenas' likeness will be perfect for running the wick-and-roll.” (Tim in NY)

“Gilbert Arenas needed an extra set of hands to show reporters how far out of first place the Wizards are.” (Caveman HC6; tiacheryl mined similar territory)

Here are some nuggets to enjoy as you scramble to conceal your loaded, unlicensed handgun:

• The NFL has suspended six players four games each for violating the league’s anti-doping policy. In related news, the Giants have suspended Plaxico Burress four games for violating the team’s anti-dope policy.

• Fox will air live coverage of BCS games in 3-D at select theaters. In fact, the network has discovered that those ridiculous 3-D glasses are the only thing that makes the BCS look normal.

Notorious NHL pest Sean Avery has been suspended indefinitely by the league for using a crude term about his former girlfriends. Here’s what the Stars forward said on-camera yesterday after a morning skate in Calgary:

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

Calgary’s Dion Phaneuf, you might recall, is dating Avery’s ex Elisha Cuthbert. Phaneuf wasn’t too pleased with Avery’s comments, and neither was NHL commissioner Gary Bettman.

Of course, there are two sides to every story. Here are some of Avery’s excuses for making such (allegedly) ill-advised comments:

10. Inhaled noxious fumes from his nail polish

9. Come on, it’s not like he hid a loaded gun down his sweatpants

8. Still angry about ludicrous 24 plotline of Kim getting stuck in a bear trap while fleeing Johnny Drama

Here are some morsels as you continue to recover from the gripping drama that was Texans/Jags on Monday Night Football:

• SI has selected Michael Phelps as its Sportsman of the Year. Here’s a tip if you’re attending tonight’s celebratory banquet: Hit the buffet early.

• Bail for Giants WR Plaxico Burress on weapons possession charges was set at $100,000. That's payable by bond, cashier’s check or singles tossed in the air.

A Colorado company is offering parents the opportunity to perform genetic testing on their toddlers to determine their natural athletic talents. The thinking is that the $149 test, in which the company collects a DNA sample, will help parents decide which sports they should push their children to play while, presumably, hectoring them from the stands for the next two decades. Isn’t science grand?

In these tough economic times, though, $149 might be a bit steep. The 10 Spot firmly believes that no parent should be denied access to creepy borderline-eugenics.

Therefore, we hereby offer -- for free -- these signs that your toddler could be a potential pro athlete:

10. Christmas list topped by Red Rider BB gun -- unlicensed

9. Every Monopoly game ends with him making it rain

8. Sent home from nursery school for demanding touches