"Every Halloween I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression."
-- Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris), How I Met Your Mother
Legen -- wait for it -- dary words from a guy who knows the BroCode and the No. 1 rule of Halloween: it's all about the costume, even if his motives are a little more nefarious than just scoring candy. The point is, everybody needs a costume. Is there anything worse than the teenager who shows up wearing street clothes claiming he's dressed as a teenager? To cut down on Trick or Treat lameness, the Tenth Power is handing out costumes to the collective college football nation:
1. Graham Harrell and Michael Crabtree, Texas Tech: Maverick and Goose from Top Gun. They're the premier aerial duo in the game today, so what better costume than the iconic pilot and his radio intercept officer? Let's just hope they avoid recreating the soft porn volleyball scene.
2. Terry Bowden: Fredo Corleone. Like Fredo betraying Michael in Godfather: Part II, Terry threw his brother Tommy under the bus after his recent departure from Clemson, saying Tommy deserved to be fired. You can almost hear the obligatory "You broke my heart, Terry," minus the awkward kiss, of course.
3. Lou Holtz: Grandpa Simpson. Like The Simpsons' patriarch who once said, "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist. But he is not a porn star," you never know what you're going to get when Holtz opens his mouth (see the Rich Rodriguez/Hitler parallel).
4. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame: Tom Brady. Weis has made his man crush on the Patriots quarterback well known, and like the man he affectionately calls "Tommy," Weis suffered a catastrophic knee injury. Though, unlike Brady, Weis isn't having surgery, so maybe Brady should dress up as Weis.
5. Javon Ringer, Michigan State: Iron Man. The guy is already college football's iron man, carrying the ball 300 times -- more carries than 85 Division I-A teams and 65 more than any single rusher. It's only fitting that we slip him into Tony Stark's armor.
6. Curtis Painter, Purdue: Indiana Jones. Like Dr. Henry Jones and his search for crystal skulls, Painter came back for another lackluster adventure as a fifth-year senior and is having his worst season in West Lafayette since his redshirt freshman year. All he needs to complete the ensemble is to find out freshman Caleb TerBush is his son.
7. Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee: A pumpkin. The way things are going in Knoxville, Fulmer could use a disguise, though the majority of fans would probably rather see him dressed as a Century 21 agent. But the guy wears all orange, so it's not exactly a stretch to see him in a pumpkin costume.
8. Mike Teel, Rutgers: Tony Soprano. Like the man behind the de facto boss of the DiMeo Crime Family, Teel goes to Rutgers. Also like Tony, Teel isn't afraid to get a little rough with family members from time to time.
9. Vontae Davis, Illinois: Vernon Davis. Vontae's brother was sent to the showers early by 49ers interim coach Mike Singletary after committing a personal foul. Vontae can pay tribute to his brother -- and Daniel Larusso -- by wearing the polka dot shower costume from Karate Kid.
10. The state of Washington: British Columbia. Things couldn't get much worse in the Apple State, where Washington State and Washington are a combined 1-14, so why not throw a couple of guys dressed up as Mounties at the state lines and pretend its Canada, eh? People would believe Seattle is Vancouver -- the NBA left both cities.