If Will Ferrell had donned his Speedo a month earlier, we might be on the verge of ridding ourselves of the BCS and getting a playoff. Ferrell, everyone's favorite former sports information intern, returned to the USC practice field this week sporting an Iron Man vest and grape smugglers. He called himself Captain Compete, and he had a message for the Trojans.
"I'm here to let you guys know that you've always got to compete. Always," the Captain said. "When you wake up in the morning, you've got to compete. When you [do something I can't mention on a family Web site], you've got to compete."
If only he'd shown up Sept. 24 and said, "When you go to Corvallis, Ore., and face a team led by a 5-foot-6 running back, you've got to compete."
Just imagine it. If USC had beaten Oregon State and the rest of the season had unfolded the same way, we'd have four elite undefeated teams. USC, Texas, Alabama and Penn State, if they finished undefeated, all would have had a legitimate claim to a spot in the national title game. But two of them would have been shut out. Had the two on the outside looking in been USC and Penn State, the Pac-10 and Big Ten would have forgotten all about their precious Rose Bowl and begged for a better way to decide the national title. Had Alabama been shut out, every major conference commissioner would have been set on fire. Either way, we probably would have gotten a playoff, or at least a plus-one.
But no. Ferrell had to film Land of the Lost. He couldn't be bothered to stuff his Speedo and subject the unsuspecting denizens of an urban campus to his pasty white flesh. We love you, Captain Compete, but where were you when we really needed you?