Todd Kirkland/Icon SMI
William Hazlitt, the 19th-century British essayist, believed a good nickname could slice through every layer of pretension and boil a man down to his essence. "Of all eloquence a nickname is the most concise; of all arguments the most unanswerable," Hazlitt wrote.
Clearly, Hazlitt would have adored college football rivalries. Few other events have inspired the sheer, minimalist eloquence as end-of-season showdowns between intrastate and interstate rivals. The names roll decades of hate, mistrust, frustration and jubilation into a tight, two-, three- or four-word grenade that typically explodes either shortly before or shortly after the Thanksgiving turkey hits the table.
Today, we'll look at some of the best end-of-season rivalry nicknames. The Apple Cup (Washington vs. Washington State) and the Egg Bowl (Mississippi vs. Mississippi State) are excluded not because of the lameness of their combatants but because of the lameness of their nicknames. Meanwhile, the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party (Florida vs. Georgia) and the Red River Rivalry (Oklahoma vs. Texas) are disqualified for temporal reasons; they take place too early in the season.
10. The Backyard Brawl (Pittsburgh vs. West Virginia): The name evokes images of neighborhood fisticuffs on chilly days amid piles of fallen leaves. In this case, West Virginia recruits western Pennsylvania heavily, and some of these players may actually have fought one another in their backyards growing up.
9. The Biggest Little Game in America (Williams vs. Amherst): You have to admire the pluck of two small, Division III schools who would slap such a grandiose moniker on their annual meeting.
8. The Border War (Kansas vs. Missouri): A general disdain toward unnecessary war analogies has forced a change to "The Border Showdown" in recent years, but Kansas-Mizzou should get a pass because the name has roots in actual hostilities between the free state of Kansas and the slave state of Missouri in the years leading up to the Civil War. In 1856 and again in 1863, raiders from Missouri sacked Lawrence, burning down buildings and attacking residents.
7. The Big Game (Cal vs. Stanford): The rivalry that gave us The Play has a simple, elegant nickname. Less simple are the annual pranks, including this doozy from 1982.
6. The Holy War (BYU vs. Utah): A fitting name for the game between the flagship state school and the school run by the state's dominant church. Of course, BYU-Utah would be ranked even higher if it went more often by its alternate nickname: Church vs. State.
5. The Iron Bowl (Alabama vs. Auburn): The sheer hatred of the rivalry seems forged in iron. In fact, the schools disagreed so vehemently on so many aspects of the game after the 1907 meeting that the series didn't resume until 1948 -- after the state house had passed a resolution encouraging the schools to play.
4. The Brawl of the Wild (Montana vs. Montana State): Even though he went to Cal, and even though his favorite sporting event -- had he lived long enough -- would have been the Iditarod, Jack London certainly would have appreciated the homage.
3. The Game (Michigan vs. Ohio State): Few schools could get away with such an emphatic statement of superiority. This season notwithstanding for the Wolverines, Michigan and Ohio State qualify.
2. Bedlam (Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State): The name actually came from the rivalry between the schools' wrestling program, but no matter. No one-word nickname better describes a rivalry.
1. Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate (Georgia vs. Georgia Tech): Author Bill Cromartie wrote the book on this 115-year-old rivalry in 1976, and the name stuck. It's fitting, too, considering that to this day the password at frat houses on both campuses is "To hell with (the other school)."
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Comments (35) Add A Comment
The Iron Bowl is not the Iron Bowl, for me, unless it's at Legion Field.
GTO1962
Rocky Face, GA
Total Comments (9)
The 'Big Game' my arse. Does anyone remember any game or play of significance ever from the Stanford-California game other than the band touchdown play? Why? Because there isn't one. Other than that single play, this 'rivalry' is the most overblown and insignificant in college football. No one cares except grads of those schools.
by the way, the greatest and only truly NATIONAL college football rivalry doesn't need a hokey nickname because it is what it is----Notre Dame vs USC. When your rivalry produces more national titles, more Heismans, and more All Americans than any other, you don't need anything else.
Klee Irwin
Total Comments (1595)
You can't give Florida-Georgia its original nickname and cheapen the Red River Shootout with its PC alternative in the same sentence.
drbadass
Total Comments (182)
Hey Klee:
No hokey name? How about a hokey trophy??
What exactly is Jeweled Shillelagh supposed to be??
Check wikipedia, Sport:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeweled_Shillelagh
Boatski
Atlanta , GA
Total Comments (6)
the blog was about nicknames, not trophies. Its pretty self explanatory isn't it? Its also no more hokey than an ax, a brown jug, or a myriad of other "spoils".
Klee Irwin
Total Comments (1595)
the CIVIL WAR? Come on, its like the 6th oldest rivalry. Couple years ago in that epic Fog Bowl. Come on, especially this year, the Rose Bowl is likely on the line. And like mentioned, Stanford and Cal??? Are you serious? Washington and Washington St. are more exciting, at least they have a reason to hate each other, Cal and Stanford had one stupid incident and all of a sudden they're rivals....my Arse as well!
D Cruz
Eugene , OR
Total Comments (1)
yeah, how can he not include the Civil War in this article? wouldn't that be an obvious one?
Klee Irwin
Total Comments (1595)
I'm a life-long BYU fan and have never heard the "alternate" nickname of "Church vs. State". A lot of Utah fans would take issue with that name since many of them belong to the church that sponsors BYU.
jbs46
Total Comments (1)
He really needs to do his research on the Border War. Lawrence was burned down on August 21, 1863. There are other misconceptions, but I don't have the time or energy to list them all out. For an interesting/excellent overview on this rivalry, go to RockMNation.com for an in-depth look at the origins of this bitter rivalry. The Missouri-Kansas football series is the second-most-played rivalry in college football history.
These are all great rivalries, though.
nate1205
Kansas City, MO
Total Comments (382)
As a Utah fan and a practicing Mormon, I LOVE LOVE LOVE "Church v. State" It is hilarious! I have never heard it used but will now. The other used name is the "Deseret Duel" which is both lame and too regional.
tonybake59
Lehi, UT
Total Comments (6)
Nate,
We're both correct. The first sacking of Lawrence came in 1856. The second came in 1863. I've already sent in a new version to be completely correct.
Andy
Andy Staples
Total Comments (18)
Thanks. BTW, if you get a chance, it's really a good read about the history. In-depth. The author did an outstanding job.
Great article, though. Kudos on all the listed rivalries. They make college football the great sport that it is!
nate1205
Kansas City, MO
Total Comments (382)
Civil War - there is nothing civil about it. And they played to a 0-0 tie in the early 80's... there are 2 million people in Oregon and you are either a BEAVER or a DUCK... and it is really old
ostatebeavs1
Creswell, OR
Total Comments (5)
TO HELL WITH GEORGIA!
Georgia Tech…
Rome , GA
Total Comments (414)
All the great rivalries have a geographic closeness. USC/ND is missing that element.
FOF
Danville , CA
Total Comments (19)
Apple cup. 101st meeting this weekend to determine the worst team in the country. How can you miss that? :)
Lager WSU Cougs #1
Roswell, GA
Total Comments (1)
Really? UCLA and USC are practically in the same zip code, but that rivalry hasn't even been mentioned. Over the years as often as ND/USC have played for a #1 ranking (or knocking off a #1), I don't think geography has to enter into this one.
jelly donut
Total Comments (375)
And just HOW did the RED RIVER Rivalry get left out of this? I mean how many people would turn The Texas - OU game to watch Montana vs Montana State? BYU vs Utah? Pitt vs West Va?
Bedias90
Vidor , TX
Total Comments (487)
How id the Red River Rivalry not get on this list? Who would switch chasnnels from Texas vs OU to watch Pitt vs Wast Va? Montana vs Mont State? or BYU vs Utah?
Bedias90
Vidor , TX
Total Comments (487)
sorry--didnt mean to double post
Bedias90
Vidor , TX
Total Comments (487)
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