"I get the point. I know when I'm not wanted. I'm off to the Island of Misfit Mascots."
-- Sexual Harassment Panda, South Park
Panda, you'll have company. Penn State's Nittany Lion was charged with a DUI, putting his status for the Rose Bowl in jeopardy. Alas, the man inside the suit wasn't in costume, otherwise it would have been without doubt the greatest mascot tale of them all. Which poses the question: What is? The Tenth Power has you covered with 10 tales of Mascots Gone Wild. Somebody cue Joe Francis.
1. Uga bites. Beware of dawg, indeed. Back in 1996, Auburn's Robert Baker almost lost his ability to bear children thanks to Georgia's bulldog icon. But here's the crazy thing: it isn't the only instance of a Tiger being bitten by a dog.
2. No lame Duck. Oregon's pants-less, hot-tempered Donald Duck laid down the beatdown of all mascot-on-mascot beatdowns on Houston's Cougar last season. Check out the Rock-quality elbow drop. Note to self: do not hit on Daisy.
3. Fire bird. Sebastian the Ibis has beef with Tom Arnold for putting a "hit" out on him and drew a 15-yard penalty for celebrating a TD in 2001. But nothing is better than in 1989 when Miami's mascot carried a fire extinguisher onto the field to douse Florida State's flaming spear and was slammed to a wall by five cops.
4. True horseplay. If you think these guys look curiously happy to be walking a My Little Pony, you don't understand this virile beast. The Shetland pony killed the Fordham Ram and tried to mount the Texas Tech horse.
5. Bucky, badgered. For a day, Wisconsin's Bucky Badger traded his red-and-white striped turtleneck for a black-and-white one after he was arrested and fined $181 for crowd surfing in 2004. Oh, and he once got clocked by a Michigan State cheerleader.
6. One stuck Schooner. Oklahoma's Sooner Schooner, once cost the Sooners a game. During the 1985 Orange Bowl, the Schooner was pulled out onto the field after a would-be tying field goal, but an OU illegal substitution meant a penalty and another kick. The problem? The Schooner was stuck in the mud, drawing another 15-yard penalty. The ensuing kick was blocked and OU lost.
7. Rumbling Ralphie. Like watching NASCAR races strictly for the hope of seeing a big crash, every time you watch Colorado's Ralphie run, you just hope this is going to happen. Seriously, who is dumb enough to run in front of a 1,300-pound animal?
8. Judge and jury. Baylor's bear is a as much a judge as Reinhold, but like the former Brad Hamilton, you don't cross the North American black bear. Judge (the bear, not the actor) mauled Tennessee's Smokey during the 1957 Sugar Bowl.
9. Take that, Duke. James Madison's Duke Dog started it, kicking Coastal Carolina's Chanticleer in the rear as he was walking away, then Chanticleer delivered a hit worthy of the FBS. The best part? The cop didn't step in until Chanticleer had already done his damage, and when Duke later retaliated, he was arrested.
10. Benny can take a punch (or two). What is it about Benny the Beaver that begs to be punched? Back in 1995, a Cal lineman punched Oregon State's Benny the Beaver after the mascot tapped him on the shoulder with an inflatable hammer. Later that season, an Arizona lineman also punched Benny. Inside the costume? A 135-pound woman.