The Sweep

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Golden Tate was always destined to play for Notre Dame.
Andy Altenburger/Icon SMI

"Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp."
--Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg) in Boogie Nights

What's in a name? Eddie Adams knew; that's why he changed his name to Dirk Diggler. College football has its share of memorable monikers. Admit it, the first time you heard the announcers talking about Laurinaitis, you were certain someone had broken out with a disease, and you know you used to snicker when you saw Jim Bob Cooter on Tennessee's sideline. It's with Dirk's words in mind that we look at the game's 10 best names.

1. Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame. With a name like Golden, there was only one place Tate could play his college ball. He was the best thing about the Irish's opening win over San Diego State (six catches for 93 yards and a TD). It may be time to unleash his own cheering section: The Golden Girls. Not, those Golden Girls.

2. Richie Rich, CB, North Carolina. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a dog named Dollar (that we're aware of) and he doesn't wear a tuxedo off the field (also, that we're aware of). But he is one half of the Tar Heels' Sunday Comics defensive backfield, joining Charles (Charlie) Brown.

3. Britt Barefoot, K, Southern Miss. Yes, he's a kicker, and no, he doesn't kick barefoot, a la Rich Karlis. But he is married to the first cousin of *NSYNC's Lance Bass. Come on, it's something.

4. Knowledge Timmons, S, Penn State. With a name like Knowledge, do you think he picked Penn State because of the school's reputation as a beacon of higher learning? It's surprising he didn't pick Nebraska, since the "N" on the helmet stands for ... wait, that's not right.

5. Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia. Like Timmons, he's in the "Know." When Georgia starts its Heisman campaign -- and with moves like this vs. Central Michigan, it's inevitable -- the school just has to go with "Moreno Knows Heisman." If they don't, we'll subject them to 24 uninterrupted hours of Larry Munson.

6. Vincent Chase, OL, SMU. How will he rebound from his fall after Medellin? Wait a minute: it's not that Vinny Chase? But tell me this Mustang doesn't use the fact that he shares a name with the star of Entourage to pick up chicks. If he doesn't he should.

7. Dan LeFevour, QB, Central Michigan. The best dual-threat quarterback in the nation not named Tim Tebow has a name you have to love. Catch the LeFevour. If CMU uses that, or Chippewa-colored thermometers to "check your LeFevour," for his Heisman push, I want to be paid.

8. Darius Passmore, WR, Marshall. For the record, he did not pull a Chad Ocho Cinco and change his name to what may be the most suitable name ever for a wide receiver, but so far the Thundering Herd are passing more and he's thriving (a combined 206 yards and two TDs in two wins).

9. Zoltan Mesko, P, Michigan. This Romanian-born punter is not an arcade game with the ability to make you big like the Tom Hanks movie. But if he was, you can bet Rich Rodriguez would be scoping out the best Pop Warner League dual-threat quarterback in all of Michigan.

10. Shelley Smith, OL, Colorado State. Think he's heard that there's an ESPN reporter with the same name? Yeah, probably not. Here's a choice clip of the Worldwide Leader personality. For the record, she bares no resemblance to the Ram.

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