FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Moondizzle... said 05/28, 12:32 PM
This is a Captain Obvious TD. That is an actual type of TD, and as such, I must combat the obvious nature of the throwdown with my own brand of shenanigans.

The Angels will NOT win the AL West this year.

There is my far-reaching statement.

Moondizzle... said 05/28, 12:54 PM
Disclaimer: It's obvious because the Angels are the best team in the west, despite a 2 game lead. That will increase. I could simply argue this like a normal person and maybe even win. But that wouldn't teach anyone here a lesson.

Reasons they can't win the division:

1. George Knox is not the manager.
2. Mel Clark, who threw over 155 pitches against the Sox, has retired. Or died or something.
3. Matthew McConaughey is not roaming the outfield.
4. Christopher Lloyd is not flying around the stadium coaxing fly balls into the gloves of hapless Angel defenders.
5. Roger & J.P are all grown up, and don't believe in Angels.

Little Roger & J.P, integral to the success of the Angels past winners, simply don't believe in Angels any more since leaving childhood behind. It was Roger, if you remember correctly, that was able to induce a ground ball on a pitch from Mel Clark to end the game & series that year.

Knox adopted Roger & JP. Danny Glover met with Hugo Chavez, a Venezuelan communist, numerous times. Knox is a communist. That makes Roger & JP communists. This means that Arte Moreno & his ballclub are filled with communists. Communists don't win at anything. Ever.

Moondizzle... said 05/28, 04:54 PM
My 5 reasons have nothing to do with an argument? Dear sir, my 5 reasons are integral to presenting a cognizant argument against a division title for the Angels this season.

The Angels have a higher ERA. This is truth. And that will continue to be the case. Tell me - how many pitchers have thrown more pitches in a game than Mel Clark? That guy = phenom. And he's not even alive anymore, much like Tony Danza's acting career.

Bullpens have periods of success like that. Doesn't mean it will continue forever and ever. And yes - they have been batting worse than .200 and won games. Matthew McCaunaghey isn't even an outfielder and actually flew to the ball in the 90's. Flew. Like a bird. Or a pterodactyl or something. Whichever.

Escobar is a good pitcher, my dear friend Nolan. But Christopher Lloyd isn't coming back to the future. Wouldn't you say he is vital to a winning formula? Only Roger and JP can see them - and while most of the other kids casted them away as schizos, they knew he had to be there to win, unless of course Mel Clark throws 156 pitches.

And are you down with Communism? Communism is bad. Title goes to the Athletics. Or the Chiba Lotte Marines. I dunno.