FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Porkins: You're all my dupes said 06/04, 12:14 PM
Ok...I tried to stay away, but this one is just too funny to ignore.

I sincerely applaud you for coming up withis topic.

That said, there is no possible way that "a majority of America" would watch a spelling bee of any type, contact or no.

According to Wikipedia, which is right at least half the time, the highest rated sports boradcast of all-time in the U.S. was Superbowl XVI. It was viewed by 49.1% of households in the United States.

Now as we all know, a "majority" must be at least 51%.

If the most watched Superbowl in history can't achieve a majority, I don't see any hope at all for a spelling bee. No matter how many nerds get knocked to the floor.

Your only hope is to hire Terry Tate to be the full-time hitter. But even then, the best you can hope for is to match the Superbowl's success, which still falls short.

S-H-O-R-T

Porkins: You're all my dupes said 06/06, 06:33 AM
Glad to see you like the Tate idea enough to use it.

But you have miscalculated in you gross generalization:

1. American MEN like unporvoked violence. Sadly, there are more women than men- we are a minority, and would fail to give you your "majority".

Women do not like violence. Women like Oprah, shopping, fluffy things, and embarrassing their husbands in public.

2. American MEN do not like kids

American women love kids. They think children are "precious". They refer to them using words like "oogy-woogums", which definitively proves how much they love them because no one would ever use such nonsense otherwise.

3. The only parents who would sign a "waiver" for there kids to get blowed up are:

A) Parents who want to see their kids on TV at any cost (e.g. stage moms). And in those cases, it's not kids we want see get slobberknocked into the orchestra pit...It's the parents.

B) Parents who want to rid themselves of a "special" child. Unthinkable, I know, the deplorable jerks. No one wants to see Short Bus Johnny take one in the ribs. That would just be sad, not watchable.


So in the end, we still fall short of a "majority" under any scenario. Sorry.

Porkins: You're all my dupes said 06/06, 08:32 PM
Hey brother, whatever floats you.

In fact, I'll bet there are plenty of people who'd watch it.

But realistically, if a majority has never watched the Superbowl, it's going to be a relatively small number that tunes in to watch a spelling bee of any type.

Again, kudos for the creativity...but it just wouldn't be the draw you're hoping for.

Maybe instead of the contact spelling bee, they could do a rotating special where every week a different **** gets pasted by Steve Atwater or something. That would be sweet.

Variety, man. It's the spice o' life.