FanNation - The Republic of Sport

The Ram said 07/07, 09:51 AM
Equestrian Individual Dressage - Fundamentally, this "sport" is judges rating how well a horse prances to music. The amazing skills that will earn the rider a gold medal are: trotting in place and trotting while looking pretty.

Synchronized Diving - Diving can be a useful skill, but unless you're jumping out of a helicopter with 20 other Navy Seals, there's no reason to do this with others. Especially in a speedo.

Trampoline Gymnastics (Men and Women's) - Most people stop playing on trampolines once they hit puberty, but the few socially inept rejects who persist can earn a gold medal and go on to a lucrative careers wearing polyester costumes and dunking during timeouts of NBA games.

Synchronized Swimming Women's Team - Swimming keeps you from drowning. It's usefullness beyond that is very dubious. Unless these teams are trying to make a shark think it's looking into a koleidoscope, and thus, scare it away, there is not a shred of usefulness to this skill.

Men's/Womens 50km Walk - For those too lazy to run, you too can still be a world class athlete! This event is also known as the "Moms in a department store trying to be the first to a discount rack."

The Ram said 07/07, 10:31 AM
So, we have Racewalking vs Rhythmic Gymnastics.

Absurdity is what we're after here. What is more absurd than moving as fast as you can (racing), without moving as fast as you can (walking)? It is absurd to have a contest of a non-skill. The only people who should be impressed by walking are infants under 1 and paraplegics.

If this qualifies as an Olympic event, I see no reason that the 400 Meter Mosey, the 200 Meter Moonwalk, and the 20km Shuffle are excluded. They can think up the same kind of dorky rules that race-walking has to make sure everyone is doing it right.

An anorexic chick twirling ribbons, tossing a ball around, and playing with hoops may not be compelling television, but you can reasonably make some sort of scoring system for it (drop it and lose points, difficulty, etc.).

Race-walking is so absurd it requires judges following every competitor the entire 50 km to make sure that they are doing the goofy duck-style walk they've invented JUST right.


I dare anyone not to laugh while watching this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=W3GGzq1PIqs

The Ram said 07/07, 11:00 AM
Rhythmic gymnastics is not a race that can be objectively determined. It is a test of dexterity, skill and artistry. We have no measures (like a watch) for those qualities. That does not mean that they do not exist, and should not be judged.

Judging subjectivity is a problem for many sports, not just rhythmic gymnastics. However, there is a reason you chose rhythmic gymnastics over, say, regular gymnastics, or Boxing (which at the Olympic level, winners are completely subjective and judges can be bought and sold as well, ask Roy Jones Jr. or Evander Holyfield). The reason you chose rhythmic gymnastics over gymnastics and boxing is because, by it's very nature, it is more silly--more absurd.

In that intrinsic sense, the nature of race-walking is as absurd as any event can be. Walkers are disqualified for moving too fast, and bending their knees at the wrong time. IN A RACE!

In life, the slowest runner gets eaten by the Lion. The fastest walker...still gets eaten, because everyone else runs.