Forget Curing Cancer! Splice Brady to Manning and Save Us All!
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show said 07/10, 11:22 AM
For the sake of all humanity, or at least the .0000000000000000000001% here on Fan Nation, medical scientists need to stop wasting their time and give us what we really want.
That's right. The technology is there. I'm talking using a new thing called a "laser" to cut Peyton Manning and Tom Brady completely in half, and rebuild 2 new QB's, each known as Peyton Brady.
The two Peyton Bradys (admit it, it has a ring), would take the NFL by storm. each posting perfect QB ratings while throwing for 16,000 yards and 160 TD's a season.
There would be no never-ending debate as to who was better. The Hall of Fame in Canton would be torn down, and instead be replaced by a massive 1,200 foot statue of Peyton Brady rivaling the Colossus of Rhodes. The statue would join the Great Wall of China as the only man-made structures visible from the space shuttle.
Think of the glory, think of the drool and spittle John Madden would gush, think of the peace and quiet here at FN.
Physicians, heal thyself, save humanity, give us the Peyton Brady twins.
Disagree? Throwdown!
Swayze Bandwagon Fan *BBF said 07/10, 11:42 AM
Tom Manning.
If you were to split the two in half, one would be Peyton Brady and the other would be Tom Manning.
While Peyton Brady is rapidly working his way through Maxim's top 100 and appearing on SNL, Tom Manning will be studying his playbook, breaking down defenses all the while lifting weights with his free appendges.
Clearly Tom Manning would have the advantage on the field. Name means so much to the persona of an individual. All great QB's have been grounded with an "Everyman Name".
If not the first name ...
Joe
Dan
John
Jim
Then the salt of the earth bland last name ...
Manning
Bradshaw
Graham
Let's look at some of the all time busts ...
Ryan Lief
Joey Harrington, an adult who prefers Joey?!
Kordell Stewart
David Carr, if he went by Dave I am convinced he would be in the HOF.
Peyton Brady would be too much concerned with his hair and not the task at hand.
Plus, if you really wanted something special - replace Michael Vicks head with Joe Montana's - Joe Vick and his retarded twin Michael Montana. One would be the most dominant athlete ever, the other would have a world record for licking gum under McDonald's tables.
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show said 07/10, 12:10 PM
No, no, no Mr. Swayze(and thank you for Road House). Your suggestion would quite simply foil the grand plan, as we would then be faced with an onslaught of:
"Tom Manning is Better Than Peyton Brady". This can only lead to the rending of flesh and the lamentation of the women.
What I am proposing is equinamity. I also have two further elements in my master plan which I shall conveniently reveal in each of my two remaining arguments. See, just mentioning the possibility brings out a Feng Shui-ey balance to everything.
PHASE 2:
Since we are already splitting them open like coconuts, the brain surgeons then take over. Again using "lasers" they can isolate and destroy the newly named "smarmy lobe" in Brady's brain. In a similar fashion Manning's "big dumb doofus region" would also be destroyed.
Slap 'em together and what do you have? Only world peace my friends. Think of it. The universally beloved Peyton Brady's would tour the world, passing out free tacos and hot dogs to the hungry, and curing leprosy with a mere touch. Enemies would lay down their weapons and bathe in the light that shone from their perfect heads.
Not to mention the TV ratings.
Swayze Bandwagon Fan *BBF said 07/10, 12:32 PM
ThERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
The greatness of these athletes is measured in their determination to be the greatest. Brady has his titles and his fame, Manning has his records and his validation. Only one thing keeps them from simply walking away fulfilled and successful, The Determination to be the Best.
If they were to be mixed their blood would clash like liquid hot magma and the ocean.
Their DNA would refuse to concede to one another.
Their souls would burn in firery torment that would shake both Heaven and Hell such that the shear mater of the Universe would collapse into a white nothingness of unconsciousness.
Even if you could infuse them, the other would have to be put to death, and under your own theory - How could this be allowed to be done?
It is a bad idea.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
there can be only one.
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show said 07/10, 12:53 PM
Ah, but you are wrong. You are forgetting the secret ingredient...the infamous Manning Awesome Point mojo. By innoculating the Peton Brady twins with Manning Awesome Point, all feuding and beligerence would recede. All that would remain was a sweet competitive urge as pure as Roy Hobb's heart. Even Frank Pentangelli would remove his tinfoil hat and weep with joy.
The Final Shoe Drops
I know what some have thought. What of us great unwashed masses? The tired, the poor - the Arizona Cardinal fans? Can you smell what T-fo is cooking? Genetics. THIRTY-TWO identical Brady Mannings. One for all of us!!! Each regular season game would end in a tie! Sudden death playoff games would go on until infinity (and all teams qualify with identical records!), as somehow each team's Peyton Brady would find a way to score simultaneously!
NFL Commissioner Goodell would decide to award each franchise a dodeca-shmillion Lombardi trophies. WE ALL WIN! No more stupid TD's about which team is gonna win it all - 3 months before the season starts. Every team is the best!
Kumbaya, Kumba-freaking-ya.
And it's all true. That's science.
Swayze Bandwagon Fan *BBF said 07/10, 01:21 PM
You are right, but why stop at 32 clones? Let's go all the way and give everyone their own personal fruity Peyton Brady?
We can each enjoy our own identical piece of happiness. All of our food will taste the same. Snozzberries taste like Snozzberries.
We will all wear the same clothes, have the same priveledges, the same thoughts and opinions.
Passion and Anger will be replaced with complacency.
Where exactly did you come back from T-fo? 1946 Russia?
I get where you are coming from - Brady vs. Manning TD's are redundant and mind numbing. However, the argument remains both valid and current. Neither has placed themself above the other and continue to be a high level factor in America's most dominant sport.
If a member of FanNation decides to "answer" this question in Blog or Throwdown form they should be subject to ridicule and mocking, but it is a reflection of where they currently are in the own progression through the Sports World.
Admit it, you were there once. You continue to question which should be "ranked higher" or you else you have moved on.
Some of our fellow members unfortunately choose to express it to our horror, but it should still be OK
Consecutive Playoff Streaks
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Comments (23)
Awesome.
The Ram | 07/10/08, 11:27 AM
Report Offensive CommentSo he has to argue that is a BAD thing?
NCshvDavid Throwndowns: 1000 | 07/10/08, 11:31 AM
Report Offensive CommentT-Fo...if you were to splice the 2 quarterbacks in question would cause irrepairable harm to the natural order of earth and precipitate a global disaster of epic proportions. You sir, are dancing with the devil. Hope you have your shoes on.
Moondizzle...Flying Cows. | 07/10/08, 11:34 AM
Report Offensive CommentThis would completely mess with the Manning Awesome points.....this can't be allowed!
rstowe - The NMI Emperor | 07/10/08, 11:52 AM
Report Offensive CommentI see a colts fan has already vetoed my idea by voting for my opponent. Not to worry, the ultimate solution is yet to come!
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show | 07/10/08, 12:11 PM
Report Offensive CommentI like the idea, if you need propane you know who to call
Hank Hill is back! | 07/10/08, 12:37 PM
Report Offensive Commenti think T-ton Branning and Peyom Mady would be thier names
Scpalo - takes you to 5th base | 07/10/08, 12:40 PM
Report Offensive CommentWhat if you got a Twins type episode
You have the Baby Momma factory - Like Shawn Kemp in Football
I mean you get Peyton Brady on one hand
the other would be Ryan Marinovich!
NCshvDavid Throwndowns: 1000 | 07/10/08, 12:43 PM
Report Offensive CommentPeyton Brady's gasseous emissions, the scent of Jovan Musk, would provide sufficient fuel for all cars and gas grills. Unfortunately, out of all this joy, a bankrupt Hank Hill would hang himself by his belt from his back fence.
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show | 07/10/08, 12:55 PM
Report Offensive Commentwell I for one: would take Joe Elway over Tom Manning any day of the week
Frank Pentangelli is READY | 07/10/08, 01:05 PM
Report Offensive Commentand if i were to create the ultimate QB of all time:
Peyton Vick, completely Vick shoulders down, completely peyton neck up, one thing is if vick could use his head he could get the ball out there, peytons brain could put the touch with vicks arm
Frank Pentangelli is READY | 07/10/08, 01:08 PM
Report Offensive CommentProblem with your QB Frank - it still has Vick's arms.....so even though he has the brain of Manning, he still can't hit a receiver.
rstowe - The NMI Emperor | 07/10/08, 01:14 PM
Report Offensive Commentno, vick had one of the best arms if not the best arm all time, he just couldnt hit a target with it, mannings head can tell vicks arm when, where, and how to throw
Frank Pentangelli is READY | 07/10/08, 01:17 PM
Report Offensive CommentDan Unitas anyone?
Undefeated: Football Time | 07/10/08, 01:22 PM
Report Offensive CommentSwayze, how dare you besmirch this TD with one shred of actual argument??? I sir, am affronted.
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show | 07/10/08, 01:24 PM
Report Offensive CommentAnd accuse me of being a COMMUNIST?!? I am merely suggesting the logical progression of the salary cap. Parity. Uh oh, please folks, no new debates on the merits of the salary cap.
Logic. That's philosophy.
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show | 07/10/08, 01:26 PM
Report Offensive Commentlol, this is so stupid. but i like tom manning, better.
Howard Hehrer | 07/10/08, 01:31 PM
Report Offensive CommentT-otally FO-r Lenin?
Swayze Bandwagon Fan *BBF | 07/10/08, 01:31 PM
Report Offensive CommentVote to the left...better arguments
DYHARD SI DOUG HEFERNAN | 07/10/08, 01:48 PM
Report Offensive CommentTom can also be the kiss of death at QB...
Tom(my) Maddox anyone?
I see dead people.
T-Fo's Las Vegas-style Show | 07/10/08, 02:03 PM
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