FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Porkins: Catches bullets said 07/25, 03:23 PM
Your mistake is critical. It's like a ruptured aorta.

If you were arguing:

"Who is better at throwing his teammates under the proverbial bus"

or

"Who is better at whining loudly in a domed environment"

Then you would win.

But the correct answer to THIS topic is Eli.

1. Eli is clearly a mouth-breather. This means his facial muscles are more toned and in better shape for face-stuffing.

2. Eli is younger, and therefore more flexible.

3. After suffering some embarrassment in the Double Stuff Racing League, Eli has re-dedicated himself to becoming the cominant force in all food-related contests.

http://www.kraft.com/MediaCenter/country-press-releases/us/2008/01142008.htm

4. Eli has won the Superbowl more recently, meaning that Peyton is jealous. This will cause him to try too hard, choke on an oversized jalepeno slice, and have to withdraw.

That's LOGIC.

Porkins: Catches bullets said 07/25, 03:52 PM
1. That hot dog guy weighs like 105 pounds. It's not about WEIGHT...it's about HEART. Plus, I got to say HOT DOG.

2. Peyton is a "pocket passer", obviously meaning that he PASSES on foods shaped like POCKETS.

3. Eli plays for a team named for the BIG APPLE, so large amounts of food won't intimidate him- that's a huge edge.

4. Eli plays in NEW JERSEY, so he can obviosuly stomach ANYTHING

5. The reason Eli's rating was so bad in the regular season is that his hands were GREASY. Greasy from TACO-TRAINING! Peyton clearly did not have ANY grease on his hands.

6. Eli played college ball at Ole Miss. Peyton played at Tennessee. Ole Miss is CLOSER to Mexico and the supply of tacos.

7. Eli is shorter and therefore CLOSER to the food- less distance to travel to his mouth means MORE TACOS.

8. Peyton films approximately 411 commericals per day, and 75% of his sponsors included a "no taco" clause in his contract. He won't mess up the golden goose!

9. Peyton was married in MEMPHIS- he's a BBQ MAN!


And the CLINCHER???


Eli and his wife were recently married in...

(wait for it)

San Jose del Cabo....MEXICO!

Swish. Count it AND the foul.

Porkins: Catches bullets said 07/25, 04:56 PM
1. Your arguments are more backward than a Pentangeli family reunion.

2. You've heard the horrifying legend of "El Chupacabra" right?
Well Eli is El CHALUPA-cabra.

3. In underground taco circles Eli, also known as "HOMBRE CALIENTE", is a LEGEND. He commissioned a custom-made heavy bag filled with 200 lbs of shredded beef. He showers in salsa and can grate cheese with his BARE HANDS!

4. In an appearance on SNL, Peyton jokingly remarked that had accomplished two of his life's goals-

"One, I appeared in half of America's television commercials and two, my team, the Colts, won the Super Bowl."

Do you see tacos ANYWHERE in that statement? His lack of dedication makes me want to puke until I crack a rib.

5. Meanwhile Eli, sleeps on a pillow of freshly baked tortillas and gets up at 4am every day to chop tomatoes blindfolded.

6. Eli's in the process of patenting a new 46-degree neck tilt that makes it 34% faster to finish a taco.

7. During a series of interviews, Eli sent a production assistant out to get Taco Bell 4 TIMES- the first was due to hunger. But ther rest were for PURE ENJOYMENT.

It's already over. Peyton just doesn't know it yet.