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  • 12/02/2008, 05:58PM ET

"Zing Tourney 2008: Round 1:2 things the NHL should do to improve its image, ratings, and worldwide"

Agrippa: (120-61-23) vs Porkins. (179-15-3)
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How can you improve upon an image that is lack luster in all aspects?

My first "thing" to improve its image and ratings worldwide would be ..*turn away hockey fans*..do away with the fighting.

Hockey must first gain the support of the North America. We are the ones are supposed to watch this right? It can't grow worldwide if the people in its own country aren't even watching.

More people are watching "Cat Pornicopia PA" staring Pitt Panther on local access than they are Hockey.

It would be easier to find a stale Nutter Butter under my opponents breast than finding a NHL game on TV.

Point being you have to be depraved and a fan of Nutter Butters to know which fold to look under. Even if you do find it ,do you want to eat it entrenched with sweated grease and remnants of other lost treats?

My point is mainstream North America will never be a fan of bare knuckle brutality no matter how its marketed.

NHL could never be a NFL without in game civilization. Not to say NFL games are candy land but they don't bloody the field with fights that are against the rules.

I like the fights but they cannot go mainstream with them


1. "lack luster in all aspects"
Good one. Start by alientating fans.

2. "Hockey must first gain the support of the North America."
Um...really? You mean like Canada?

3. "mainstream North America will never be a fan of bare knuckle brutality"
Yes...football, boxing, wrestling, MMA...so civilized.


Your understanding of the situation, like you hygeine and abilities with women, is sorely lacking.

Ask avid players about the fighting, and they'll assure you that not only is it part of the game, it's an important method of self-policing. With a fast pace and only 3 officials on the ice, much goes unseen and uncalled.

Fighting, while not elegant, affords players a way to manage the game and keep events in check. Release a little anger now to avoid a blow-up later. You know...like you with gas.

Besides- if anything fights make hockey MORE exciting. Not less.


The NHL does need a boost, but here's how to do it:

1. Increase funding/ support of youth hockey in the US to build a broader fan base.
2. Market star players more effectively through better TV exposure (e.g. playing on a better network than Versus) and by establishing players in the media.


"Start by alientating* fans." - This is not a jab at Hockey fans. This is an unbiased opinion from a non hockey fan. This is what your average American thinks of Hockey.

*Most hockey fans are passionate people who love every aspect of their game with undying loyalty and that I can relate to that. The trick is converting the masses.*

Everything you stated about the fighting is correct and I understand how it works,like you understand how to de-bone a chicken wing with suction alone.

However do you think a pool of blood mixed with teeth is going to play well on National TV in prime time? For those used to it yes.

NHL has to get the game in check and the players must count on officials like every other mainstream sport.

Most professional sports are fast paced, so spare me with the self policing nonsense.

"Yes...football, boxing, wrestling, MMA...so civilized." - Football does not stop the action so two players can cave each others face in! Boxing ,wrestling, MMA all have followings but hardly as mainstream as the NFL or MLB.

As far as exposure and funding we both can agree on that.

You cannot market stars no one cares about yet.


Ok...brutality offends your delicate sensibilities- I get it. I forgot that you were the inspiration for the Simpsons' Helen Lovejoy.

WON'T SOMEONE PLEEEEEEZE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Sorry, Grip- the fighting isn't going anywhere. Toughness is at the very core of hockey's image, and it's here to stay.

I can understand your desire to bring you love of "Extreme Makeover" into the equation...but put away your life-size Ty Pennington love doll. The NHL does NOT need a complete overhaul.


It DOES need to be more supportive of youth leagues in the US. Not all kids grow up as you did, content to play dress-up in mummie's closet. Youth sports are a critical part of development, but youth hockey can be costly for families.

The NHL should take a more active role in creating and supporting leagues. They should work to give more families access to the sport thereby developing a broader base of young fans.

Plus, the NHL must give those upcoming fans someone to relate to and look up to, as you look up to your mentor Ru Paul. The league should market its stars better-

We see NFL/ NBA/ MLB everywhere...but NHLers?

The NHL can sell itself better. Like your mom.


This is over..good TD Porkins...time to bomb

Here is what we know as fannation collectively

rstowe won his first TD by carrier pigeon. His opponent forfeited all his turns, it was Porkins and the taste of boiled pigeon was to much of a temptation.

Porkins suffered 2 heart attacks throughout the 2 arguements of this TD. The physicality of typing 2400 characters is too much for his fat fingers. Also the keys are harder to suppress considering years of pastry crumble build up

Dyhard will die hard and Gu3 will be in the room. Gruden will have viewed it all via webcam.

Pitt Panther is the only man in PA on the National Humane Society's Dead Beat Dad list. He owe's 5 grand in kitten support.

Frank's genes are so intertwined he may very well be his own brother -uncle

David's number of TD's pales in comparison to his number of kids. Seriously...he could start his own village.

Oilers and Yoda have secretly had cyber sex 4 times while putting together the weekly zing list!

Fizzle lack's of female contact and effeminate qualities make Clay Aiken look like Chuck Norris.

Cant wait till the next tourney. Maybe you can find me a harder opponent*. * (*Sarcasm*)


Bad form, my Texan friend. You're trailing big, so you pull up stakes and run?

What are you, a Big 12 defense?

...


Your zings are misplaced, but at least they make an appearance...unlike solid arguments.

Although hockey is struggling to maintain a foothold in the US, it is not the dying husk of a sport you make it out to be. It is still one of the "four major sports" with a core of diehard fans.

However, we both agree that certain changes could make it more accessible and successful. Since you didn't refute my points, I won't bother to repeat myself.

You did, however, live up to your "time to bomb" strategy. Unfortunately, the type of "bomb" you left is much like what you play with in the toilet in your spare time.

I tip my hat to you sir. Get that turd!

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