- 06/13/2011, 11:08PM ET
williewilliejuan said 06/13, 11:08 PM
When you compete in a sport where you basically only wear a pair of shorts, sometimes you have to go to extreme lengths to get noticed. Sometimes too extreme. When it comes to going to extremes to get noticed, MMA fighters take it to a whole new level. So now, for your viewing enjoyment we bring you:
The 3 Worst Haircuts in MMA
My first bad MMA haircut is an old classic - the mullet. The Tennessee Waterfall, the Camaro Crash Helmet, the old Beaver Paddle... the list goes on and on. If you were to look at a picture of yours truly in the 8th grade, you'd see "business in the front, party in the back."
But even in my most mullety splendor, I could never match the magnificence of one Roy Nelson:
This 'do is a thing of beauty. It's a masterpiece and it's only enhanced by Nelson's ample girth. If you didn't see the UFC logos behind him, you'd think this shirtless aficionado of the Achy Breaky Big Mistakey just stepped out of an episode of Cops. If you didn't know he was a fighter, you might ask him where to score some meth.
That's why Roy Nelson has one of the 3 worst haircuts in MMA.
Agrippa: said 06/14, 06:58 PM
There is no doubt the mullet is in my opinion an atrocious haircut, but I think the haircuts that deserve more disdain are the ones where men seem to be clinging onto a fleeting cause.
Case in point, Kimbo Slice.
Kimbo must be a fighter, because he never knows when to say when. If there were only a way his dome could tap out and rid itself to the pathetic excuse he calls hair.
Obviously losing any and all hair on the top of his head, Kimbo is "grappling" onto its reaming counterparts on the side of his head. To make matters worse, he braids this last piece of thinning hair only into rows that can only be described as dried up cat feces plucked from a litter box and poorly glued to his head.
To make matters even worse, he decided compliment his cat sh** braids with a homeless man's beard. If you did not not know this man was a fighter, you would swear he was the person ON meth!
williewilliejuan said 06/14, 10:49 PM
I agree that Kimbo's cornrow skullet is bad, although not nearly as bad as his skills as an MMA fighter. However, there is something worse than hanging on to a fleeting cause. That is trying to look cool and/or menacing but ending up looking like a fool.
Observe: Heath Herring
You can see what he's going for here. He's obviously watched too much WWE and wanted to look like one of the Road Warriors. I get it; Animal was cool and menacing. It's not a bad idea, but as Marie Antoinette can attest, it all comes down to execution.
His first problem was the curiously manicured facial hair. The idea was to look scary, not to look like this guy:
You don't intimidate many people when it looks like you might break out into I Want It That Way rather than throw a punch.
It only goes downhill from there. Did you notice the eyebrows? Where have I seen that before? Oh yeah...this guy:
If his goal was to look like Animal had a love child with a Backstreet Boy and Vanilla Ice, mission accomplished. Otherwise, it's a dismal failure.
Agrippa: said 06/15, 06:54 PM
For my 2nd selection, I bring you one of the most annoying MMA personalities with one of the most annoying MMA hairstyles..... Josh Koscheck!
Where to start! Josh as misguided as we all know Josh to be, he still insist on bleaching his hair with a disastrous receding hairline , reproducing a look that can only be described as a poodle mating with a mop.
How do you wake up in the morning , style your hair and be happy with looking like an out of work alcoholic clown?
One wonders if Josh is a **** or should be douched, "mind bottling."
So to recap, Josh day to day rocks the receding, poodle **** drenched mop, alcoholic clown, **** that makes him more or less look like an albino with an afro. Josh has to garner some heavy consideration when you debate The 3 Worst Haircuts in MMA!
williewilliejuan said 06/15, 11:27 PM
You say Koscheck's hair is bad? I say it's genius. Every minute you spend talking about his hair is a minute you're not talking about how much of a tool he is. It's a trick chicks use when they know they won't be the hottest one at the party.
Give them something else to talk about.
Let's transition from your "drunken clown" to a guy Bleacher Report called a "crackhead Ronald McDonald", Chris Leben:
Leben is best known for his stint on the Ultimate Fighter, where he famously peed on Jason Thacker's bed while in a drunken stupor. Thacker was predictably unamused by Leben's antics. This underscores the old adage: "it's better to be pissed off than pissed on."
After his fight with Bisping, Leben tested positive for steroids and was suspended for nine months. Sorry, Chris, but there's only room for one 'roided out redhead with unamusing antics in popular culture, and this guy already has the gig:
Leben was late to the party for this look (which doesn't happen often for him) making it one of the worst haircuts in MMA.
Agrippa: said 06/16, 06:41 PM
Last but not least , my final pick for worst hair in MMA, Urijah Faber.
Nothing is more annoying when white people braid or dread their hair. Our society has familiarized itself to expect certain people to attempt this hair-do and prettyboy white guys are not at the front of the line.
So many have tried, so many have failed.
Tell me this did not make you want to kick his ass?
It does not make you tough, it makes you looks like a wanna be cornball.
In summation, lets leave cornrows and dreads to the folks we become accustomed to seeing rock them.
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