- 08/06/2011, 02:24PM ET
(Un) said 08/06, 02:24 PM
I'm not here to simply state that the Philadelphia Eagles will field a better team than the Oakland Raiders. No, that would be too easy. Instead I would like to point out that Philadelphia has exactly the kind of roster which Al Davis has been trying, and failing, to build for much of the last decade.
Just look at the 40-yard dash times:
4.45 Jeremy Maclin
4.35 DeSean Jackson
4.33 Michael Vick
4.29 Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
Mmmmm fast forty-times.
These are the kind of numbers that make Al Davis drool, squander draft picks, and then drool some more. The obvious difference being that Philadelphia has acquired their speed without wasting draft picks.
And what better way to take advantage of your team's superior speed than with a big-armed quarterback?
Al Davis wants a QB who is capable of hitting receivers from anywhere on the field. He proved that in 2007 when he drafted JaMarcus Russell #1 overall, in large part because Russell displayed one of the strongest arms in Combine history.
Skip ahead to 2011. Russell is out of the league. And Philadelphia, much to the envy of Al Davis, has a strong armed QB capable of completing deep passes.
Stephen Colbert said 08/06, 03:48 PM
You sir, are wrong.
Al Davis does not covet the speed of the Eagle's receivers or even the strong arm of their quarterback. In fact, what Al Davis really yearns for is a ring. This ring that was taken from him centuries ago by a hobbit who wandered into Al's cave. For those of you wondering, it wasn't the 1983 Super Ring, it was the One Ring of Power. This Ring was forged in the fires of Mount Doom under the Dark Lord Sauron and it sought to consume the world in darkness. But now it consumes Al Davis instead.
For over 800 years the One Ring granted Al Davis an unnaturally long life. During his influence under the ring he developed split personalities: "Gollum", a slave to the Ring who only knew violence and treachery; "Al Davis", a NFL Owner whom long ago built a respectable franchise but now currently bombards his team with mediocrity.
There have been many whispers and rumors in the Raiders clubhouse, players and coaches both claim to have seen their owner muttering to himself "We wants it We needs it." Others claim to hear the creature curse someone named the "Stupid fat Hobbitses" . Many people believe him to be the ex-coach Tom Cable, but I know otherwise.
(Un) said 08/07, 09:43 AM
Al Davis, yes. Gollum, yes. I think you may be onto something. However, your approach is wrong. Much like a bad date, you came on too strong - you took a slightly (dry) humorous topic and went full-fledged silly.
Metaphorically speaking, Al Davis has lost his precious. But you've overlooked the analogy.
For Al Davis, his precious is not a ring; it's Nnamdi Asomugha. And the hobbit who stole his precious away was not Bilbo Baggins, but rather Andy Reid.
Al Davis loves to have big-name cornerbacks on his team and he'll pay ridiculous sums of money to have them. Including two franchise tags on Charles Woodson (2004, 2005), a $70 million contract thrown at DeAngelo Hall (2008) and making Nnamdi Asomugha the NFL's highest paid cornerback (2009).
Asomugha's Oakland contract averaged over $14 million per year.
Asomugha's Philadelphia contract averages just $12 million per year.
The Eagles not only have Asomugha, they acquired him at a relative discount. Al Davis is undoubtedly jealous.
In the third argument I'll address Philadelphia's stockpiling of free agents. A practice which Al Davis is infamous for.
Stephen Colbert said 08/07, 06:52 PM
You say that my response was too "silly"? My apologies, I was under the impression that your argument wasn't serious either.
I believe that your assertion that "Al Davis is jealous of the Philadelphia Eagles 2011" is preposterous. It sounds like something that would be published in the Nation Enquirer or any other supermarket tabloid.
Your assertion is not based on any fact or any truth, nor does it have any merit. You base your argument on the act of spewing out the most arbitrary information on Al Davis and the Eagles and then you string it all together by coming up with a false conclusion that has nothing to do with anything.
If I may, I would like to attempt to recreate that very same process:
Info #1: Al Davis covets strong armed quarterbacks.
Info #2: The Philadelphia Eagles sign ree agent Nnamdi Asomugha from the Oakland Raiders.
Conclusion: ZOMG AL DAVIS MUST BE TOTALLY JELOUS OF DA EAGLES BECUZ THEY GOT NNAMDI AND MICHAEL VICK!!1
You should consider taking your talents to Fox News. I hear Glenn Beck is looking for someone who can spin a good story
(Un) said 08/08, 06:36 AM
As stated in the opening paragraph:
"I would like to point out that Philadelphia has exactly the kind of roster which Al Davis has been trying, and failing, to build for much of the last decade."
Therefore I listed:
1. Philadelphia's speedy 40-yard dash times.
2. Vick, a strong-armed QB capable of completing deep passes.
3. Big name cornerbacks. Asomugha is just one of the three high profile cornerbacks on Philadelphia's roster. The Eagles also have Asante Samuel and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.
These are all roster building tendencies which Al Davis is known for, hence their relevance.
4. Philadelphia's stockpiling of big name free agents.
Al Davis is infamous for making headlines in free agency (Javon Walker, Warren Sapp, LaMont Jordan, Jerry Rice, Rod Woodson). I could go on but there's a character limit.
Philadelphia did just that in 2011, only bigger. They signed anyone and everyone in their path. Most notably Asomugha, Jason Babin, Cullen Jenkins, Vince Young, Ronnie Brown and Ryan Harris.
The Eagles built their roster Al Davis roster. Only they paid less and ended up with a better team.
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