- 10/11/2011, 04:24PM ET
Justin Cyder said 10/11, 04:24 PM
Since the beginning of TV anyone around the age of 40 or older has fielded the age old question "Ginger or Mary Ann". Most approach the question as "Which would you rather...." but in this case the question is, "Who would be better". It's one night, you've had a bit too much fermented coconut milk (Not much else available) and they both are interested.
I'm going with Mary Ann. I know the more experienced Ginger sounds like a no brainer but all may not be what it seems. How interested is Ginger going to be in blue collar schmuck? She's already no stranger to the posturepedic and is probably "roomy" if you catch my drift. She could also be "tainted" and that Island is 1000's of miles from the nearest Pharmacy.
She's so obscessed with her hair and make up she'll probably complain about or straight up refuse to do all that is necessary.
Next argument will cover the benefits of Mary Ann
Grue said 10/11, 04:49 PM
Mary Ann is the girl you want to take home, the one next door, the naughty little minx. But let's be real - one night, you'll feel bad about breaking her heart.
Sure, she's just a Kansas Farm girl up for a roll in the hay. They're good at it. It's fun.
You wake up the next morning and kick her out the door.
Oh, now Mary Ann, don't look so surprised. You didn't really believe that story about the puppy and the lawnmower, did you?
You're a sweet girl, but you gotta go before I head off to work. "I'll call," you say. But you don't.
Now you did it. She's crying. She's telling all her friends what a piece of crap you are.
Damn. Now she unfriended you on Facebook. She's posting scathing insults and all of your shared friends are uncomfortable. They leave nasty posts on your wall. Mary Ann's new boyfriend wants to fight you.
Don't crap on the nice girls.
On the other hand, the Ginger has no soul. Bam. Done. Bye. No mess.
Justin Cyder said 10/11, 05:05 PM
Although I appreciate a soulless woman as much as the next (That's the best part about strip clubs) you're forgetting the obvious. You're on a desert Island and she can only tell so many people much less use face book. And if she gets too uppity she can have an unfortunate hunting "accident".
That aside I think this is a way to boost her self esteem and have a night to remember. Mary Ann was always in awe and intimidated by Ginger. By choosing her I can only imagine how grateful she'd be. I'd look at Ginger and tell her, "I have a date with the most beautiful woman on the Island". And then walk away with Mary Ann. I'd have those Daisy Dukes off her in minutes and those pig tails wrapped around my wrist like a pro bull rider. Nothing would be off limits. Even the suggestion of something not being done and you can say, "Oh, maybe I should have gone with Ginger".
We're not talking about crapping on the nice girl. I'm sure even a nice girl is gonna be a tad pent up on a desert Island with nothing but a fat Captain, a married elderly gentleman and 2 guys that appear to be no stranger to rest areas.
Grue said 10/11, 05:33 PM
I just looked out my window at a loading dock, a parking lot, and an overgrown tree that raps on my window and annoys me.
I can assure you, I am not on a deserted island. They were eventually rescued after all.
But I can play along with the secondary conditions.
There's one thing that Ginger can do better than Mary Ann ever could. Perform. She's an actress and believe me I really appreciate a good actress in these situations.
Now a girl who has spend many days on the casting couch has no reservations. I'm her casting director. She's auditioning. The hammock is my couch.
I'm Brad Pitt. I just rescued her from werewolf vampires. Her clothes are tattered. The jungle is dark and steamy. And ACTION.
I really don't need to go "Penthouse Letters" here.
Maybe I'm as amazing as she makes it sound. I may never know the truth... but neither will the Professor and jealous Mary Ann (here on Gilligan's Isle).
I can't believe you just said..."Oh, maybe I should have gone with Ginger".
Yea. GREAT idea there. Put the dis-member in ice and maybe the professor can sew that thing back on.
Justin Cyder said 10/11, 05:53 PM
Your argument is weak old man. You are not on a casting couch and she has no need to act. Ginger is used to men falling all over her, buying her expensive gifts and in all likelihood is bitter over the things she was forced to do on the casting couch. She'll be in it to get hers and be out. She'll act like she's doing you a favor.
Mary Ann on the other hand is a farm girl. Sure her brothers, uncles, father and cousins have probably come on to her and gotten to a minimum of 2nd base but just from the picture you posted you can tell that mouth is ready for action and she won't be a bitter, cold fish like Ginger. T
The fact you don't smell like the leavings of some farm animal will probably be amazing to her. You pick a couple of wild fowers for her and you're golden. After all those years of milking cows she must be a wizard with her hands as well.
All in all you're basically looking at a used up, bitter, starlet who's watching her prime money making years waste away on an Island or a farmgirl, with a lot less mileage, who's just as good looking, who will be amazed you picked her over one of her idols and bend over backwards, literally to please you in any way possible
Grue said 10/12, 08:37 AM
You clearly did not watch the same show. The bitter starlet harlot vs the eager, needy farmer's daughter missed badly.
Ginger was always eager to perform; the role play satisfies her needs. She'd seduce the head hunter, the Fort Knox robber, the Japanese soldier, Gilligan, Skipper, and even Mr. Howell to get what she wanted. Ginger was never bitter.
One night was your rule. Think fourth dimensionally, Marty.
Mary Ann is America's Sweetheart. 9 out of 10 men pick MA because she has the qualities that all men love. Demure but not submissive. Hot but not skank. And you treated her like crap. You missed the Facebook allegory and focused on the literal. You make MA do the walk of shame down the beach and you've got serious emotional consequences.
Mary Ann gets weepy when you don't like her banana-coconut custard pie. She has inhibitions. If you build her up to be better than Ginger and kick her to the volcano the next day, you're going to have 7 stranded castaways kicking the crap out of you and no one to hear you scream except a lost monkey. Who will throw poo at you.
Mary Ann is the girl you take home. Ginger is the one-nighter.*
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