- 05/30/2012, 03:26PM ET
Argos. said 05/30, 03:26 PM
Aroldis Chapman is a spy!
Look at the evidence:
1) He throws a ball too fast for a human, he obviously has some kind of robotic/mechanical arm
2) He is a communist from Cuba
3) When a free agent, he rejected an offer (that was for as much money as he signed with the Reds) from Toronto, because he obviously was under orders to spy in America and not Canada
4) He is being sued for working with Cuban State Security apparatus (CSS). He and his father kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured a Cuban-American back in Cuba, to help the CSS.
5) He drives super fast, James Bond/action movie fast. You need professional training for this
6) Recently in Pittsburgh, a girl was discovered in his hotel-room tied up with cloth napkins, she was later discovered by the police after guest heard her cries for help
There is no other explanation for these incidents and facts. The only explanation is he is a SPY!!!!
You may think these facts I have made up, but all of these are 100% accurate and the truth (well, except for maybe #1)...
Reason #4 should be enough evidence to charge him with espionage. But together with the other five reasons, he should be convicted today!
mikeycook said 05/30, 04:15 PM
I think I can safely prove that Aroldis Chapman is not a spy, but first let me eliminate a few of your "better" arguments.
The lawsuit is sad. Perhaps Chapman testified to save his butt over the first defection. Or, maybe as Chapman and his father claim, Garcia just wanted money for his defection plan. We'll never know. Either way, this is hardly evidence of anything.
As far as the girl in Pittsburgh is concerned, I would think leaving a woman tied up in your room would draw attention to you, something spies generally try to avoid.
But the biggest reason why it makes no sense that Aroldis Chapman is a spy?
HE SIGNED WITH THE REDS!!!
I don't know if you've ever been to Cincinnati, but I can assure you there is very little worth spying on there. If Chapman wanted to be an effective spy, he would've chosen the WASHINGTON NATIONALS! DC's GM, Mike Rizzo, attended the Chapman workouts in Texas and the Nationals were reportedly serious. Given the lack of star power on the Nats at that time, Chapman would've not only been strategically located in the best place possible to cultivate politicians and find sensitive info.
Why not sign there?
Argos. said 05/31, 10:25 AM
Flambo brings up fact number seven in the comment section...he decided to play for a team named the REDS!!! The evidence just keeps pilling up. He is clearly a bolshevik.
And no one said he was a good spy. If he was, I wouldn't have uncovered him. Cubans are a poor communist state, with no more Soviet funding, their spy program has gone down the toilet.
So he screwed up tying up the girl, but that is just a sign of the lack of funding the Cubans have. They could not afford to give him handcuffs, or even rope, so he had to use cloth napkins, which is a pretty effective way of using your resources.
He kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured an American for the CSS. This had nothing to do with defection, he was trying to pry out secrets from America!
And why would he go to Washington? Are you nuts? Washington is buzzing with CIA, Secret Service, cops, and the military. He would be caught way too fast.
Instead, Cincinnati provides an ideal location in the mid-west. It is situated in the middle of Chicago, New York, and Washington. A nice location, with no CIA or anyone else looking for him.
mikeycook said 05/31, 11:29 AM
So, your argument is there's nothing in Cincinatti to steal so that provides good cover? He already has good cover. He's a professional baseball player!!!
And joining the Reds would be the dumbest move ever for a communist spy. It may mean he's communist, but a spy? if he were a spy he'd try to appear as American as possible. Again, the Nationals would be perfect.
The Pittsburgh thing doesn't make sense as a Cuban plot. I don't think they have cloth napkins in Cuba. Had the girl been tied up with cigar bands or 50s-style clothing, you might have something, but cloth napkins makes no sense, unless Chapman is really spying for MI6.
Lastly, if you've even been to Cincinnati, you'd know it's not the ideal location for anything, except amusement parks.
Argos. said 05/31, 08:28 PM
Now a days, you don't have to be in Washington to steal the secrets they have. It is all cyber. You just have to be within the States so your IP does not trace back to an enemy and looks suspicious. So staying in Cincinnati keeps him away from the CIA breathing down his neck, but allows him to steal national secrets.
Also, the Nationals have good old American boys that like apple pie and are as American as can be like Zimmerman, Harper, Werth, and Strasburg. They would have been onto him. With the Reds, the team leader is Canadian in Votto, and they don't have anyone as intimidating as the guys the Nats have.
Plus, what appears to be more American than living in the mid-west? The heart of the nation! No spies there...
Chapman may not have known what cloth napkins were, but you made good use of them. That is what spies do, make use of their resources.
Also, Fidel Castro loves baseball. He knew the best way to sneak into the states was via baseball.
He is Cuban. A communist. Drives fast. Has a robotic arm. Ties up people, and kidnaps and tortures others. He is a spy for Fidel Castro!
mikeycook said 06/01, 11:13 AM
I think you've finally hit it on the head. The truth is, like Oswald, Chapman is just a patsy. The real spy... is JOEY VOTTO!
He's Canadien and like most Canadiens he has an unspoken hatred for the United States. Have a Cuban teammate as a patsy, provided by Castro (why do you think they let him out), and make him look suspicious with all of these weird crimes.
For one thing, Canadiens love cloth napkins and have access to large quantities of them. Secondly, most Americans still don't understand the underlying pathology of hate the Canadiens have, making someone like Votto seem like a nice, normal guy, almost an American.
In fact, Votto is one of many Canadien spies active in professional sports. Steve Nash has long been their senior member. Why do you think he's happy to play in Phoenix and not get traded to a contender? Because he's got all of his spy sources. In MLB, Votto has a number of other Canadien players he can rely on for tips and information, all the while making it look like the Commie did it.
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