- 10/26/2012, 10:44PM ET
JimJ77 Can't make it up said 10/26, 10:44 PM
Ok you illiterate baboons, let's discuss which movie we're watching on Halloween night.
Now I know most of you jerkoffs will be home, because almost all of you have no lives and are pathetic losers. So instead of your planned suicides (not a bad idea for most of you) I'm asking if you had to watch a movie what would it be? Predator, which stars the greatest actor and ultimate king of kings, Arnie, or Caddyshack, which has a couple laughs but just doesn't compare to the greatest movie ever made.
I know this green freak on the right will tell you Caddyshack because he has some weirdo freak obsession with that old as dirt movie.
Predator on the other hand is the best movie you can watch on a night like Halloween. First of all most of you tainthairs will obviously be scared of the Predator. He kind of looks like Chris Bosh minus the long ostrich neck and the Predator is of course much better looking.
Second, it stars a God in the form of Arnie. Already its way ahead of Caddyshack and that ugly goof Rodney who's lying in a pine box.
So for those of you who don't agree with me, Mr. S has a message for your dumbasses.
YODA said 10/27, 01:29 PM
Hey Jim...Wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
I guess if you're not into women or gambling, then Predator makes a fine (i.e. homoerotic) choice for Halloween 2012.
So while I be reacquaint myself with the insatiable one-hit wonder, Lacey Underall ("rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body"), you'll be oogling Arnie's oiled-up pecs and muscle-bound lats.
While I vicariously take part in the betting action on the big golf game (and on whether the Smails Kid eats his boogers), you'll be furiously fantasizing about a proctology exam via Arnie's Austrian oak.
I will admit that Predator features some distinguished co-stars (namely Apollo Creed and Jesse "The Body" Ventura). Still though, neither of those lugheads brings the subtlety and nuance to a role the way Tony D'Anunzio ("I ain't payin' no 50 cents for no Coke!") or Mr. Wang ("no offense") can.
When Dj gets back from the Crenshaw Liquor Bank (i.e. CVS), get him to loofah your stretch marks and "bark like a dog" for you.
Caddyshack is clearly the superior choice, Jim.
And you owe me one gumball machine.
JimJ77 Can't make it up said 10/28, 08:25 PM
What you don't know about Lacy Underall is that she had a rough go of it after Caddyshack. She finally hit rock bottom when she was forced into doing ****, and the worst part about it was that her scenes were with **** acting great DJ. She had to ram DJ with the wrong side of a plunger. These were the brighter days for DJ.
I also don't buy the gopher scenes. It's way more believable for a 7 foot alien to land on Earth and wipe out the competition than it is for a gopher to actually dance. So ridiculously absurd.
Caddyshack is one of the most racist movies ever made. "****", "skilled labor for Italians", "Wang, just don't tell them you're Jewish." I am offended by these terms because I am the least racist person you'll ever meet.
You want real quotes, The Body saying, "I ain't got no time to bleed." Arnie's award winning, "stick around" quote. "Hey, Blaine, strap this on your sore ****."
If Mr. S was in Caddyshack I would agree that it is the superior movie, but Mr. S turned down the role of Al Czervick. Why? Because golf is a gay game for gay men.
Bodybuilding>Golf, Arnie>Rodney, Predator>Caddyshack, me>FN!
YODA said 10/28, 09:02 PM
Jim, don't sell yourself short; you're a tremendous slouch.
Alright, it's FanNation Multiple Choice Quiz time...
Try to remember where you first heard this quote:
"You beast. You savage. You're a tramp! Oh, you wore green so you could hide from me? You're a little monkey woman. You're lean and mean and you're not too far in between either I bet, are ya, huh? Come on! Bark like a dog for me..."
These are the poetic words of:
a) Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) admiring the curves on the geriatric golfers who are struggling along the course
b) JimJ crying out to the television as he watches Arnie defeat the Predator...as two separate (but inevitable and predicatable) climaxes occur
c) Djroxalot (circa 1997, two years after being cut from the Winnipeg Blue Bombers practice roster) receiving stage direction from his (male) co-star on the set of his latest direct-to-video interracial adult film
d) All of the above
Oh, and Jim? I'm having a party this weekend. How'd you like to come over...and mow my lawn?
JimJ77 Can't make it up said 10/29, 01:22 PM
Come on in, you fjkers. Come on in. Ol' Painless is waitin'.
You're ghostin' us, mutharfjcker. I don't care who you are back on FN, you give away our position one more time, I'll bleed ya, real quiet. Leave ya here. Got that?
Yoda FM's me: "Never knew how much I missed this, Jim." I FM back: "You never were that smart."
The lack of Alpha on FN. has been proven once again. Bunch of slackjawedphaggots. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual tyrannosaurus, just like me.
Predator is the most alpha movie ever made.
Guns, knives, steroids, cigars, dip, explosions, blood, violence, steroids. All things men love.
It's too bad myself, as well as Mr. S don't consider you wimps men. Sure, some of you may have a set of tiny testicles, but that does not make you a man. You have all wasted your male genes and are a disgrace to real men.
The alpha community, led by King Arnold, has ostracized you maggots from the Kingdom of Mr. S.
All Hail the King!!
The Choppah, get to it.
YODA said 10/29, 06:26 PM
Jim, I just hope that underage delinquent, RSP, has the good sense to not go trick-or-treating at your house on Wednesday night. That kid'll will wish for the rest of his life that he never left that warm shower with his parents.
Seriously, there are a lot of compelling reasons (moral, ethical, and legal ones) why it would be an extremely bad decision for you to spend your Halloween night watching Predator. For God's sake, Jim. Admiring Arnie while you lather yourself into a sexual frenzy while simultaneously handing out candy to defenseless children is just bad news all around.
Wouldn't it make a lot more sense for a guy like you (who won Comedy TDer of the Year on a sports site) to show a little appreciation for both genres by kicking back and watching some Caddyshack?
This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
Good TD, Jim. Thanks. Happy Halloween.
(And please tell the mods this site is lowgrade dogfood.)
WTF? Joseph Kony?
Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid!
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